Freedom is what we all overtly and secretly desire. Don't we? We give it different names such as independence, self-sufficient, liability-free, detachment, happy etc. We want to spread our wings and fly at our will devoid of any shackles pulling us down or holding us back. Freedom is one of the top most values for people like me. Not just me, deep down if you ask yourself honestly, you'll find that this is one of the values that drive all our actions. We seek freedom from mediocrity, from constant failing with no positive results, financial liberation, freedom from tedious jobs, difficult relationships, meaningless pursuits, freedom from control, freedom from barriers inside and outside us that holds us back from being that person, from that individual who truly are. Liberating ourselves from all the chains, shackles that tie us down from blooming into our highest selves; living in our zone of genius is what we all want to master and live by to be able to truly experience life in it's truest essence. Freedom from self-denial, guilt, fear, lack of courage to be who we are is what we all want. Freedom has different colours and covers many things. But are we free? If not, why? Have we covered ourselves up in the so-called illusion of freedom that we supposedly feel is what it looks like?! Have we run away from seeking it altogether due to our perceived inability to break-free? Do we fear breaking free? Do we fear being extra-ordinary because that will mean giving up our comforting ordinary identity?
Imagine you are trapped inside a box however giant it might be, at the end it is a box that you are in and as you explore the box in and out, after some point you feel suffocated because you realize that your own pursuits have chained you, your lack of awareness of self, what it desires, what it wants from life, what you want to create, is what keeps you going back to the box. You have money but feel valueless, you have people around you but feel lonely, long for meaningful relationships, you have a career but every morning you have to drive yourself out to work, you have everything yet you feel like you have nothing. There is vacuum inside that many a times we don't even realize that it is nothing but our creation because of the unconscious choices that we made. We were conditioned in a particular way to think, look at things, we followed and picked up whatever came our way, decisions were already made for us, we were given choices and we had to pick from that not realizing that there could have been other choices too, we lost our ability to decide because we never used that muscle to make the decision for ourselves, we went with the flow and things worked out for us because we were intelligent enough to adapt to things and people around us. In this adaption, somewhere slowly and slowly our inner self got covered up without us realizing it. Our voice inside us did tell us, did tell us to listen to it and break-free but we didn't have the courage to act on it. The giver at the core of our being always gave in, yet forgetting to give ourselves the best that we deserved. The introvert in us never gathered the courage to stand against our loved ones or be vocal of what we truly needed. We suffered internally yet remained calm on the outside. We took this as a challenge of life and embraced it but for how long?! There comes a point when you can't escape from the trap that you laid for yourselves. The pains of being in that trap somewhere after a point, outweighs our gains and that's when we feel the disturbance within. That's when we feel the discontentment, the feeling of imbalance, feeling of fear, feeling of suffocation, feeling of discomfort within and we start questioning ourselves about all of these. We are too fearful to even confront ourselves and our identity that we created over time. We look into the mirror and realize that's not me who is standing there. The inner child in us gets neglected or criticized and we stand there in a fix as to embrace this new awakening or altogether defy this awareness and go back to our default way of functioning because that's what our mask is, that's what our strategic self is. You are standing at the cross-road of your life either to choose one of these: continue being in this trap or break-free to experience true liberation. If you choose to pick the later then, welcome to my world. We resonate and we together can create the path for you to break-free. From fear to freedom is what you desire and so you deserve. From fear to freedom, from a default life to a created life, from just a career to a fulfilled career, from just a relationship to deep connections, from chasing to attracting, from giving in to influencing, from running away to embracing, from quest to quench, from finding answers to experiencing you, from scarcity to abundance, from exteriority to essence. You deserve to experience life to its fullest glory based in love and not fear. What do you need to break-free? The CHOICE to break-free and UNDERGO A DEEP TRANSFORMATION through a validated process along with the will to experiment, to take risk, to revamp, to try out new things, new ways, breaking old you to create a new you. Simply put, you have to take a tough decision to create an extra-ordinary life for yourself & embrace the you that already resides inside, waiting for you to give it wings to fly not without you in your imagination but with you in reality, in this real world. Love & light, Priyanka
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What makes you happy? Is it the materialistic thing, is it the award, is it that dream car, is it that house, is it that person whom you hold your hands with, is it that position.....? I can go on and on. But let me spin your mind a bit and tell you that it's not the thing that brings us joy, the happiness at the grandest level but the feeling, the experience and the thought that enlivens that moment and brings us joy. Do reflect. If things would have given you joy and happiness, there wouldn't have been longing for the next one, your happiness wouldn't have subsided after your attained one. This would have satisfied you and you would have been content. But, truly the experience, the feeling you derive is what makes you happy. And most important of all the feeling of gratitude brings more joy in your life. What is gratitude? Gratitude is a deep feeling of joy that you experience when you reflect at what has happened to you, it's a believe that everything that has happened for you is what you manifested and called for consciously and unconsciously and you wanted it for your own good, to glorify yourself and experience your own greatness. Gratitude is being thankful for every bit that you have encountered, it is trust, it is acceptance, it is approval, it is a powerful thought that you feed into your mind for all that you want to create in your life and believing it to be true for you. There is no longing, no fear, no doubt, no uncertainty but action, love, trust, faith and certainty of what you want to create. The more you are grateful for what you have, you create more of that in your life because you open the doors to acceptance, you allow your being to shift. You allow yourself the involvement in the process and not just arriving at the destination which we very often do.
I was running after so many things in life. I see many people like me running after everything yet feel the vacuum, a sense of worthlessness, always needing to fill the inner devoid with one or the other thing. It's like we have lost something inside and we keep looking for it outside and keep searching and join hands with the crowd. We feel great because that's what we see majority of us doing and we get lost and forget what we were even looking for. We just run and run and find ourselves lost amidst everything that we have. We have loads of information, followers but no involvement in our own lives. We aren't there for ourselves and we expect distractions to suffice that need in us. But, the key lies within and so must the search be within and not outside. To realize who you truly are, you have to realize who you are not. So, experiences are given to you to taste that aspect for you to be very clear of who you are. We don't come here to become someone but to experience our greatness which is already there within us. We have everything in us that makes us complete. Nothing else can complete us but our own realization, our own experiences of ourselves will enable that completeness in you. In the stillness you will find who you are and not in the chaotic world outside you. And every time we call ourselves victim, we must understand that, we have created this for us. Nothing is outside our will. Whether we agree, accept this depends on our levels of self-awareness and actualization. And if you cannot accept this, allow yourself the space and time to unravel it at your own time because this is what you require at this point in time to grow to your highest self. Once you embrace all that has happened in your life as your own creation, you can then be grateful for everything. This is a powerful space to be in, because then you regain the power to create your life as you intent it to be. Every setback, every experience, every relationship, every encounter, every low/high, every moment in your life was required for you to evolve and there is so much gratitude for all of these. Once you sit in this gratitude you defy every negative thought that comes up, every guilt, every fear, every worry, every longing and every feeling of "I am not good enough, I am not loved, I am not important" and create a space to cultivate more of what you want, what makes you happy, what makes you joyful. When you being shifts, your entire world transforms. A shift from the inside is what creates miracles and ever lasting transformation. So, the question that I leave you with is: "Can you be grateful for everything that has happened to you till now? Can you see the bigger purpose behind those moments? Can you embrace every aspect of you: good, bad, ugly, guilty, fearful, embarrassing, unacknowledged, acknowledged? Will you?" If you can't try with at least one gratitude a day to start with and experience the shift.I know it's difficult because I found it hard but as I practiced it, I became good at it and so my being shifted. I am grateful that my life is a rising sun, my health is a blossoming flower, my relationship is a growing garden where I get space to evolve & manifest my highest potential & give the same to others with love, wealth is a consistently flowing fountain, I am my essence. Love & light, Priyanka However hard you may try to cover up the chaotic inner world that you are in, eventually it gets manifested in one or the other form. You may be clever enough to paint it bright with an outward coat of external materialistic things, but for how long?! This will slowly & subtly get projected in the form of anxiety, stress, frustration, loneliness, anger, depression, feeling of vacuum etc. These are coined by great psychologists as unresolved issues or unfinished agendas that lie within us and bother us at an unconscious level which we aren't aware. Many a times we feel that we know what needs to be done, but we attract something unwanted; many a times we feel we know the way out, but we land up doing stuffs that are just the opposite of what we envisioned. Our state of resourcefulness determines our actions and ultimately the destiny that we will be living/creating. Hence, it is very important first to create a world within that will enable us to perform at our peak & live our highest self. A chaotic inner world is what gets created if we are not mindful of what we want, identify with, value, belief and eventually surrender to.
The truth that we believe in, is not the universal truth. Our truth is actually our version of truth which we form after doing the following three things: 1. Deleting 2. Distorting 3. Generalization The actual event may have been very different, but we perceive it in a particular way and give this our meaning which we call it perception and eventually gets converted as memory that gets stored in our neurons. They lay there subconsciously and are majorly responsible for all the actions, our behaviours, our patterns, our form, our resourcefulness state. It's a common tendency to distract ourselves from the chaos by instant gratification such as exercising, buying things to pacify ourselves, spending time with the outside world, working for late hours, avoiding conversations which triggers us, blocking ourselves from stuffs that reminds us of things we don't want to experience etc. There are so many ways we use to fool ourselves. But, when we are back to ourselves, in our own inner world, we feel the pain, the grief, the anxiety and just can't help but feel the negative emotions within us & long for escaping from all these. How long can we run away from all of these? What do you want to fill your cup with? Where are you in conflict with your inner self? A part says you want this, and a part says you don't want. You want to get out of this mess, but don't know how. There is a conflict within! An inner self that knows what needs to be done and the other self that resists the transformation because you find it hard to sit in this anxiety to find an answer. You have formed some habits that don't support you and now in a fix. But, remember that it is never too late to do anything in life. The first transformation needs to happen within. And here NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) comes into the picture. NLP uses tools and techniques to re-imprint our subconscious mind. Once we know how to make friendship with our subconscious mind, we can create miracles in every aspect of our lives: be it career, relationship, ourselves, our loved ones' lives etc. Tapping and re-imprinting the subconscious mind is the key. Superseding your conscious mind to connect with the subconscious mind will give you access to your inner power, your state of resourcefulness. We all have potential, all the resources are available within us. Hence in coaching we say that a person is whole and complete. But, because of the deletion, distortion and generalization that we do, we sometimes loose our form, our state and loose access to our creativity & wisdom within. That's when we become unresourceful and start acting in ways that don't support us. We then start judging ourselves and others, become critical, our inner critic gets activated, we lack the drive to move forward, we loose hope, we keep repeating our mistakes etc. Hence, our endeavour should be to work on our internal map to get access to our resourceful state and have a lasting impact. Here's challenging you to welcome positive transformation & growth in all the areas of your life, breaking through unwanted patterns and creating the desired outcomes/results that you want. Love & light, Priyanka A candle consumes itself to give light to others and it ends there. But, the powerful question is: Do you want to be just like the candle that dims itself after lighting for a short period or do you want to be like the sun that radiates light not at it's cost but after conserving the energy within & radiating that outside for all to shine & glow? There is altogether a science behind the light emission but what I am trying to say by using this metaphor is to urge you to reflect on yourself and ask if you are being the candle or the sun while giving yourself out there in the world. Here's an interesting conversation that I had with one of my clients who is a giver, but somewhere feels lost while giving. And because of that my client feels purposeless, tired, exhausted, lifeless. Here goes the dialogue (To maintain confidentiality, names are not used and even the gender is not disclosed):
Client: I am a people's person and I allow the people around me to define me. I love doing that and it gives me joy. Me: Great! You are an extra-ordinary giver! So what's the challenge when you are doing what you are doing and you love it? Client: I am lost. Although I love what I do, I am kind of standing on a cross-road now and there are two paths in front of me. One that I am passionate about and where my inner dreams lie and the other is what I must do to make others happy and satisfied. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Which one should I pick up. Both are conflicting and I am confused. Me: What if you have both? Not this/that but both? Client: Is that even possible? How can I do that? You mean I stop caring for others and become selfish?! Me: That's what you are thinking! Who says you are selfish if you do what you love to do? Imagine when you are doing what you are passionate about, who would you be? Client: More nourished, more happier and more fulfilled! Me: Great! From that space will you be able to serve others better? Client: Yes, I think so. I would be more inspired to help, support and take care of others because that would come from a space of not losing myself but doing it while discovering myself and giving more powerfully. Me: Great insight! Some more food for thought for you. Would you like to lose yourself by giving or would you like to discover yourself, empower yourself, rejuvenate yourself in the process of giving & serving? Client: Obviously the second one. But I am not used to doing this.I get easily influenced by others and people's need come first for me. Me: That's okay. We will together handle that during the sessions. I will coach you to connect with your wisdom inside and figure out a solution/action plan to not to slip into your old patterns. Are you up for playing that game? Client: Yes, I want to for sure. I need to care for myself and not just let myself waste in the process. Me: Awesome! And the conversation continues.... This is one of the most common dilemma witnessed among givers. They are wonderful people who cares and empathizes so much for others but unfortunately loose themselves while doing so if they aren't mindful of their actions and behaviours. There's nothing wrong in giving, but as a giver; the first responsibility is towards yourself and only when you first take care of yourself, you will be able to give profoundly. You can then be a powerful giver in every sphere of your life. Your glass needs to be filled by you first and then you can give. Otherwise, in the name of giving you are just transferring emptiness in the lives of others including you. So, it's important for you to decide if you want to be just a candle or the sun that radiates bright & gives warmth to everyone. Love & light, Priyanka Intention is the seed that creates our future & our present experiences.
If you take a deep look at your life wheel which encompasses everything, you'll realize that those areas where you don't really have a powerful intention are the areas where you are behind. And when I say behind, it's not with anybody or anyone but yourself. Your own growth in that area has been stagnant because you haven't committed yet to improve in that area. And to improve in that area, you need to first have a powerful intention. Many a times, we even find it hard to articulate our intentions because we either have lost hope, numbed our desires to achieve/work in those areas or have lost sight of possibilities being created in those areas because of various reasons such as past experiences, conflicting values, goals etc. We often have goals and we try to get there. But goal is a place to come from and not to go to. Hard to assimilate?! Right, but that's what the truth is if you really look at it. Whatever goal you set for yourself, you have to live that goal first by setting a powerful intention, second by recreating that intention on paper which we call as plan/strategy and then by taking actions to achieve them. After having a powerful intention, you just throw it at the Universe and breathe that intention day in and day out. What happens when you have an intention? You shift from the inside, your being shifts. You may first find it even hard to see a way through fulfilling that intention. The intention may seem to be very scary and unimaginable and your rational mind may question you on these parameters: 1. How will I achieve that/become that? 2. When will I achieve it, we have a tendency of rushing? 3. Is this even possible given my own understanding of the reality of where I am? 4. What if I don't achieve and waste all my time and energy? You might ask many more questions but it is important to remember that all these questions that are there in your mind are relevant but not the proof of reality that you might actually be able to create. Because, we are capable of creating beyond measures until we try. And the first step therefore is to have an intention, a powerful intention. I speak from my own personal experience that till I had an intention, I could never have a reality of what I wanted. Those areas that I was really committed to and had an intention(conscious/unconscious), I created wonders in those areas. But those areas which I never paid attention to, nor believed things were possible because I lived with my truth and thought that to be the whole truth, I didn't create anything in those areaa, the results therefore were minimal and not up to the mark. The day I realized the power of intentions is the day when my being shifted and so my actions. The Universe is really very kind, it always supports us in ways we may not imagine. The energy flow of the Universe is amazing; only when we restrict it through us rushing or through inaction, that we become stagnant. Either we run faster and faster and remain in the same space or we don't do anything and be in the victim state assuming someone else will create the things for us. Follow these three simple steps to fulfill your dreams: 1. Have a powerful intention, your inner commitment that you want to live by and give it to the Universe. Remember, you need all the resources, inside and outside you to fulfill the intentions. 2. Own that intention inside of you, belief in it even though you might be way behind it now. 3. Take baby steps towards fulfilling that intention. Remember that it's these baby steps that determine the strength and character of your journey forward. Your entire focus should be on your actions and nothing else. This is what is known as mindful actions. Last and one of the most important things to do is to be grateful for all that is happening because everything is supporting you to move in the right direction. With gratitude, you move forward with great velocity. Your focus is then on the things that are working for you. And this is very important fuel for you to move ahead when things won't proceed as per plan. What you put more focus on is what gets created finally. So, trust yourself and have childlike trust and faith in the Universe. Remember, intentions shifts your being and when your being shifts, your actions changes too. Love and light, Priyanka We all live by our stories and we hold on to it strongly. But, stories are not the reality, it's not the 100% truth that we easily assume it to be. Stories are just stories that are past and nowhere relevant in the present. Because of this attachment to our version of story, we live in constant state of stress, worry, fear, unhappiness and pacify our pain by putting blame and projecting our inner reality outside. The question is not about dropping the story but investigating our thoughts around that story that has the power to liberate us and set us free. When we are free, our thoughts and actions are in sync and they are far more clearer, kinder and fearless. All the battles that we are fighting outside first needs resolution in the inside; after all we are nothing more than what we are inside of us and we create that reality for us everywhere.
At age 38, I am glad that I found that liberation inside me that has set me free from the shackles of my own attachment to uninvestigated thoughts and my old stories that had been over long back, but I am holding on to them and replaying those in my mind with every thought that I feed in, thereby feeling the angst, pain, fear and worry of living it again. Loving and accepting the reality is so grounding & humbling that I spare myself from unwanted speculation of myself and others and just live in the moment. When I live in the moment, there is so much power. My entire energy is just being used right here, right now. What happens when I do that? I become saner than before, wiser than who I was, productive in my actions, enjoy life more than what I did and best of all become aware of the power of truth, the power of reality as it is and accept it with open arms. This to me is empowerment! Most of our lives is spent in focusing on others' business. When I say others' business, I mean when I put my energy, thinking and thought on what others should do and not do, what should have been right, not right, what my expectations from others is, how a system should function, how people should act, behave, how they should treat me for my actions and behaviours etc. etc. We spend our lives doing this: consciously and unconsciously. The result of this is, we walk away from discovering the truth that lie within us and just become a talking saint. When the focus is shifted into our own business, we find liberation, freedom, peace, love and ecstasy. We all point at others and try to correct them, but failing to realize that major work needs to be done in us because that's our business first and as we do this we enable the change in others because the world mirrors our behaviours and actions. Not the other way around. From a victim state to a creator is the most wonderful gift that we can gift ourselves with. But, doing this is tough. When we focus on being right, then we cannot uncover our truth. But, when we commit to living in truth, then we can drop the guards and see the reality. When you see the reality, chances are that you will feel disgusted initially or even feel judged by yourself because after all you are shedding a reality that you had dearly owned for long. But, now that you have uncovered it, you lay there like a new born pure soul fearing to stand up on its own and doubting self; but with time you'll learn to sail this journey too. It's all in your mind. The day you can accept it for who it is, that's the day you are free to feel joy, love and peace within. And then what happens is nothing but a life of bliss, meaning, contribution, purpose and eternal progress. This writing is inspired after reading the book, "Loving what is by Byron Katie" and I am so grateful to her for this book. This is what I needed at this point in life. She did the work on herself and with that liberation, she is transforming the world around her including me. As she says, "Judge your thought, investigate it, turnaround and set yourself free." Here I am investigating a thought that used to bother me for long. The four questions as laid down in the book is asked my me to me and watch how things turn around. You too can see and try it out for yourself and uncover the truth. My thought (I am judging the system from the story that I have created in me): I dislike system because it doesn't give me the freedom to be me. Proof of truth: I become just a follower of instructions and lose my creativity. My productivity goes down. First investigative question: Is this true that I dislike system......? Me: Yes, I have felt this way. Second investigative question: Can this be really true, 100% true? Me: Not sure, I haven't asked myself this question before. Have you always felt this way? Where there opportunities were you felt free being in the system? Me: Yes, there were few exceptions to this. Third investigative question: How do you react when you belief the thought that I dislike system because it curbs my freedom? Me: I shut down, withdraw, repulse, resist it and at times become rebellious too to fight it out.I feel angry and suffocated and feel like running away from it thinking that leaving it would fetch me liberation. Is there a stress-free reason to hold on to this thought? Me: Not really, I can't find any at this moment. Fourth investigative question: Who would you be when you drop this thought and how would you behave? Me: I would be happy, productive, creative and use my potential to the fullest while in the system. Turn arounds (You turn around your initial thought and direct it towards you):
Hilarious but insightful isn't it?! And any turnaround is useless if that is not backed by action. My journey of uncovering my truth is on. As I turned around my own thoughts, I just set myself free from holding on to a story that was causing pain in me and not allowing me to think clearly and accordingly perform to my best ability. We all unfold in our own sweet time and that's the beauty of this journey. Every experience that you encounter is required for you to enable that unique growth in you that you need. Welcome home and enjoy this journey at your own right time. Love and light, Priyanka We all talk about new year resolutions and goals, but as we progress through the year, most of our resolutions fade away and we are back to square. Resolutions create pressure in our mind. Resolution is a promise, a declaration which we may not uphold because we commit to it out of excitement as we unfold the new page of the new year. We just flow with the momentum and give in without really analyzing what we want, can do, what we are committed to doing and the like. As we start, our dopamine levels are pretty high and we feel so happy to declare our resolutions, but as we move ahead, we give up when we don't get the results as expected. We forget our bad habits, we forget our patterns and we just jump in with the resolutions. We can't remodel our lives overnight! We focus on the results and not the actions that are required to produce that result. What happens then, we get demotivated easily. We give up easily. We are in too much of a hurry and don't really enjoy the process. We know what we want, but we don't know why we want that. But, the key here is being consistent and being in the game. So, instead of resolutions, what if you live by a word each passing day that would take you closer to your dream, your goal, your inner commitment?! What is the word that you would love to live by in 2019 to enable you closer to your final destination? This word can be anything that you want to challenge yourself with, gift yourself with and push your limits. That's the infinite resolution you make and this wouldn't create any pressure but your zeal to live in the moment, be in the present moment will increase. All the energy that we waste in thinking about the past, worrying about the future, will then be fully used to leverage the present moment. And interestingly, this will increase our productivity, our performance, our ability to think, create and innovate. The word that I choose for myself this year is deep connection. I have no resolutions, no goals, but yes inner commitment to form deep connections with people whose lives I am committed to impact. And being consistent in doing that is the key to success. Life is all about experimenting and doing what you are fearful of doing. You need to listen to your heart and pick up that word that you deeply feel. The mind will carve out a way forward. Whatever word you choose for yourself, be mindful of giving yourself that first. Only when you can experience that, you will be able to create it for others. For instance, if as a Sales person your target is to make X no of sales this year, then focusing on just the number won't serve the purpose. You have to think deeply and figure out what would enable you to achieve that target. What input you need to give in to realize that target? Some introspection, some reflection will help and you will able to figure out a word that you have to own up in you to be that sales person who would achieve his/her target effortlessly and joyously. Just live by that every moment. As you progress, you may get Nos along the path, but remind yourself of your inner commitment, the word that you have committed to live by and keep taking actions every day, in every act of yours. As you develop consistency, you will realize that you have come much closer to your target than what you thought of. All of us dream, desire; but only a handful of us fulfill our intentions and why?! Our decision to either give up or grow, will determine our success in attaining the goals that we have set for ourselves. Do check the learning circle below to get better insights about this. Wishing you success, joy and fulfillment of your inner commitment. Be the mirror for yourself, be your own competition. Start living the word that you have picked up for yourself.
Love & light, Priyanka It's the way you view your world which creates your reality of you, the people you encounter and life in general. Instead of trying to look for things outside us to transform, change and make better, the only simple thing that we need to do is to turn the focus within and have a look inside. You will get all the answers to your questions that have been bothering you. Your quest for love, approval, importance, peace, happiness, purpose, meaning; everything gets resolved once you gain the insight to peep within and see what's there hidden that is not letting you find what you are looking for. The journey inward is a very scary one and hence we resist walking that journey in the first place because it brings us closer to some unknown facts about ourselves, some unacknowledged aspects of our being which we aren't aware of or consciously don't want to know. For us to come out of the cocoon that we are in, we need to be willing to transform, be willing to accept the uncertain and be willing to risk ourselves and trust the process. Unless we do that, we live in oblivion of ourselves and others. We just keep looking outside desiring a beautiful life, a great career, perfect relationships, perfect partner, someone who would understand us, meaning in life and what not. But, alas we don't turn the focus on us and see what is there inside which is getting reflected outside in different forms that I am not attune to. The views that we have of others, ourselves, life and every situation is nothing but a reflection of our inner world. We project our insecurities, our beliefs, our fears outside of us and try to find joy in doing so. But, sadly this is temporary and won't fetch anything in the long run. It will put us back to where we are, with no growth, no evolution happening.
As you look within, the first thing you learn to do is to accept yourself for who you are. Good, bad, ugly, guilty, whatever hidden self resides in you, you learn to accept, forgive and embrace yourself & fall in love with your essence which pure, serene and unscathed. Loving oneself is the best gift that you can gift to yourself. Once you pass this phase, you automatically widen your horizon to accept others and understand them better. Your acceptance level goes beyond imagination! You no longer remain inside the box with rigid views and accept the reality that there can be infinite views that a person can hold and respect the differences. Because there is no truth in the truth that you hold, it's just your truth and not necessarily the only truth. These are your assumptions of what you think and believe to be true. When we attach too much to our thoughts, that becomes our belief that we hold on to and find it hard to release that because that becomes our identity. It's hard to break an identity! Right?! So, we remain inside our own reality without realizing the beauty of other realities. And then suffer internally thinking that life is not beautiful, people are not good and worst of all, there remains vacuum inside which we try to hide from our self & others. We use distractions to protect us from this melancholy feeling and wonder why we aren't happy, why we don't have great relationships, why despite of so many people around I find myself all alone. Life is a beautiful journey and we create that for us by choosing to walk the path that evolves us, allows us to bloom and not the one that makes us more fearful and puts us back to the dungeon to rot in uncertainty, doubt and fear. We get just one life and how we live it is entirely our choice! You can choose to crib all along, blame others, consider yourself as victim and bury yourself in seeking outside approval and fulfill obligations that you are not 100% committed to or choose to create a life where you hold yourself accountable for everything that is happening in your life, regain the power to change it for better, give yourself that unconditional love to accept yourself and others and walk the journey where you bloom,evolve every passing day & become your best version having it all, nowhere to run after, nothing to prove but just be happy, contented and create meaningful, purposeful impact in the world fulfilling your unique purpose this life-time. Come home to yourself before it is too late and before you regret on your death bed. Let life not give you scary reminders to do this, let your wisdom enable you to walk this path.Your path is unique and you have to walk it. No else will. Love and light, Priyanka I am a big fan of Simon Sinek because of his work, his thoughts and ideas. I find sync in what he does and I wish to imbibe the learnings in my life and profession. For those who is not familiar with Simon, he is a leadership guru, professor at Columbia University, founder of SinekPartners (Corporate Refocusing) and author. He is best known for popularizing the concept of “the golden circle” and to “Start With Why“. I chanced upon a beautiful video by Simon this morning and I found this to be so in tune with myself. The video talked about finite goals vs. infinite goals. I always had finite goals in my life. I always had plans in place for everything I did. Although I was spontaneous with certain things, but as far as my major goals in life were concerned, I always had finite goals set and I achieved them. But with every achievement, I felt the strong inquiry deep within me: What next now? I didn't really acknowledge myself for growing in that space of attainment of the goal. Even if I did celebrate my achievements, I didn't viscerally feel it. As a hind-side, my expectations of others were the same. My acknowledgements of others were as cold as my self-acknowledgements. In fact, the joy after every achievement was not as great as the zeal to get to the goal was. I didn't know how to enjoy the journey because majorly my focus was on achieving the goal. Life is infinite, our careers are infinite and so are the experiences. Along with the achievements, there were regrets of losing out on certain aspects, certain sacrifices and many more. And when I didn't achieve some of my goals, there was sheer resentment and shame for self. As if I never learnt to embrace the joy of learning and the growth that happened inside of me because of playing that game no matter the win or lose. After hearing Simon talk about finite goals, I realized that all my life I had set such goals and I didn't know how to convert these goals into infinite so that I find more fulfillment and joy in what I do. Converting finite goals to infinite means, how you now after having attained what you wanted to, become better and better at it. Because that is something infinite and boundless and not just restricted to just achieving the goal but getting better at what you achieved.
Of late, I have been interviewing inspiring leaders with an intent to know their inside world so that I can pen these observations & learnings in the form of a book that I want to gift to the world. I have spoken to quite a few of them, all high-achievers, excellent performers in their choice of field. But one thing was common: many acknowledged that there was no fulfillment, they looked for the next goal, there was vacuum inside, loneliness at being who they are etc. Some of these were acknowledged and some weren't. I could relate to them because I saw a reflection of me in them when they shared this. And today's video by Simon just was a bull's eye to this entire experience. When you focus on finite goals, you just focus on achieving it without really enjoying the journey. You focus on everything that you encounter with the lens of how this would help me in getting to my goal. You become absorbed in attaining that goal and hence, when you achieve that you don't derive any fulfillment in that because that was majorly focused on achieving and not on contribution bigger than self; majorly on feeling good and not on making a difference; on either success or failure and not on the journey of evolution as a result of embarking on that journey. Finite goals are fixated but infinite goals are filled with possibilities and limitlessness. One talks about achievement and the other focuses on potential and growth. It is important to find fulfillment by being on the journey and not just achieving it. There's nothing wrong in achievement but when that becomes an addiction and not a source of joy, you miss out on the major aspect of your being and who you are becoming/evolving in that journey. When the focus is on others, their growth and not on me, there is more joy in attaining those goals. The power is always in the journey. Goals are about what you become in achieving your goals not what you get. Getting is the finish line but goals are infinite and so are the possibilities of creation. To play the infinite game, you need your will and resources to keep playing no matter the win or loose and then create infinite possibilities for yourself and others. There is scope for improvement in all of us. It's a matter of choice though to keep playing this game and realize your truest potential. Some of the questions that you can ask yourself to set infinite goals for 2019: What empowers you to preserve even when you feel like giving up? Are you up to be your better version of self to fulfill your bigger cause? What would you like to leave behind you to outlast your finite presence and contribution? Are you choosing the finite goal or infinite goal in 2019? Love and warmth, Priyanka Every session with my clients is like a new project for me. It enlivens me and makes me come home to myself. It is an opportunity for me to learn something new, to uncover another layer of oblivion, believing in the strength within, trusting my body as my tool to lead me forward, because it holds everything inside its space: my mind, my soul, my emotions, my wisdom, my experiences, my beliefs, my memories, everything you name it. Nothing is outside of it. I share my time and engage in an energy exchange with them that leaves me with gratitude every time I see them grow across all the four bodies: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual because I then feel the growth inside of me too. It's a parallel journey and worth the take. I was wondering what is that I find fulfillment in, after every session?! Is it because they have come closer to their goal? Is it because they are happy? Is it because one of their challenges got resolved? Is it because they are progressing in their path? Yes, for sure it includes all of these. But, there is something more. What is it exactly that gives me inner joy? My inner voice smiles and I fall in love with it again. I realized, it is the process of connecting with the other person on a deeper level where he/she becomes vulnerable, lays the trust and shows that side which is hidden from the world, it is like sharing their world with me during that time that holds my heart, that time, that space which tells,"Yes, I trust you and so showing you that side of me which I am afraid of myself, which I know is not so good in me; yet I know you will be beside me to lead me out, belief in my limitations and not judge me". Uncovering of the essence, the real you is what connects me to them and vice-versa and thus fills me up with deep joy, fulfillment, love and gratitude. When you get the glimpse of the genius, when you get to see the purity inside, the infinite possibilities, it transforms you because there is exchange of positive vibes which enables growth in both. As I see the light within, I realize how easy this is for them to take the next leap. I am filled with compassion at knowing their greatness, their strengths, their limitlessness. This reminds me of Simon Sinek's video on: "Why Leaders Eat Last?" There he talks about the hormones that are activated in our body based on certain activities that we do, he calls this model as EDSO. Endorphine are designed to mask physical pain; Dopamine are activated when we achieve a goal, complete a task. But these two hormones are selfish chemicals that lead to addiction. Serotonin makes us feel valuable. It is the leadership chemical as he calls it. With a release of this hormone, the confidence level goes up. Oxytocin is released when there is feeling of trust, friendship and love. Doing good things for others, giving your time and energy actually increases Oxytocin in your body and makes you feel happy, fulfilled and joyous. So, every time I coach, my Oxytocin goes up and I feel joy, love and fulfillment from within. Here's the video for you to have a better understanding about this entire model: What I have learnt being a Coach?
- Your body is one of the greatest tool that you can have to feel what your client is feeling, to sense what they are thinking, to use your intuition when you have less data to support you. Because there is much beyond data and numbers; there is infinite wisdom within. - To take your clients deep to their basement where their essence lies which will support deep, lasting transformation; you have to first do the deep work yourself to enable that mirroring to happen effortlessly. So, have a great Coach by your side to take you on that journey always.Be coachable. - Be vulnerable first with your clients for them to trust you to be vulnerable with you. - Make the four agreements to yourself: being impeccable with your words because you know the power of words, do not assume anything, don't take things personally and always give your best no matter what the situation, response or expectations are. Assumptions will ruin you and rob you off your soul and your ability to see the holistic picture. - Last but not the least, a Coach is like a leader (who makes the client feel safe while going towards the deep corridors of their inner basement uncovering their strategic self because you know growth lies there); like a parent (who nurtures and cares yet challenges when required) and an ally who draws out the greatness in the individual and commits to support, walk the unknown territory, goes deep down to take the person to a place that he/she otherwise wouldn't be comfortable going, yet making them feel safe, valued and enabling them to enjoy & celebrate their wholeness. And the most important of all learning: Learning is a journey and not a destination. So, keep learning everyday, every moment and keep making difference to others' lives & yours too. More work you do on self, more you evolve as a Coach & more impact you can create in your clients' lives. Coaching is leadership at its pivotal experience. Love & warmth, Priyanka |
AuthorLife & Organizational Development Coach Archives
February 2023
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