"Intuition is the whisper of the soul", says #JidduKrishnamurti.
To listen to the whisper, you must be still, present & aligned with your #innerbeing. #AbrahamHicks too said, "Your inner being is saying to you: you just need to follow us & we'll guide you around all of this resistance. We'll guide you around it, we'll guide you to what you want around all this resistance."
If you take a moment to reflect on what this #life is all about, you'll realize that our lives have purposes unique to us. Ultimately it is a walk towards liberation and how well you played your part. Clearly we have not come here to be clones of each other but to express our uniqueness. Our #excellence lies in our uniqueness and to embrace that uniqueness in us, we must allow our true selves to be seen, accepted and acknowledged by us. No one will find us, but we must.
The famous Psychoanalyst D W Winnicot says, "It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found." But the moment we take birth, we fall into the grind of conditioning and slowly deviate from who we are and become a part of the herd. We start wearing the facade and gravitate towards paths that is not a reflection of our true strengths and desires. We reject, disown, deny our true selves which lead to fragmentation within and thus we lose touch with our internal compass. Our internal guidance system is actually how we feel. But we supress our very own guidance system and thus our inability to listen to it.
Few years back, I realized that I never honoured my own guidance system and thus gravitated towards people, paths and tribes that weren't a reflection of who truly I am. Something was always missing depsite of all the success, recognition & acheivement.
I then decided to make my internal guidance system my compass for navigating my way out.There was resistance because I was used to approval receiving, information seeking, validation from the outside. But slowly as I took the tiny step towards deciding based on what my intuition was telling me, I started unravelling a goldmine within and gravitated towards the tribe that was always waiting with arms wide open to receive me.
We are often placed in environments which is exactly the opposite of what we truly desire and intent. Because the facade attracted that and manifested that into our space. Unless and until we choose to embrace ourselves, we can never find our path, our purpose in life.
As you integrate parts within you, as you become aware of the fragmentation within, you realise that the path to liberation is never in changing the outer world but in truly embracing and being in alignment with your inner being. We all are sourced from one Source Energy and share the same #essence. This is a profound #awareness and then how we see everyone changes.
This time I decided to stay at an #airbnb for my trip to Mumbai. And there I met the daughter of the legendary #FilmDirector, #BimalRoy, Rinki Roy Bhattacharya who is a celebrity in her own way. She is an acclaimed author, member of censor board & chairperson of Bimal Roy Film Society. Choosing the airbnb was an intuitive decision on my part. Only when I reached the airbnb I got to know what a profound lineage the host has! I was pleasantly surprised and my heart is filled with gratitude for the wondeful time that I spent there, learning more about her journey and about the film world. I felt connected to her & experienced her vulnerable side which made me realize that unless we care for people, we can never know them deeply. I met so many wonderful celebrities during my stay there. Got an invite from the famous Maithli Rao who is a film critic and celebrated writer to be at her book launch. Her new book: The Millennial Woman In Bollywood A New Brand? was launched by the noted actress Vidya Balan & I was a part of it. One of the wonderful moments in my life that I shall cherish forever! I didn't expect that all these was in store for me. Thanks to my #intuition!
This time I decided to stay a little longer. And that's when I got an opportunity to listen to Dr. Pawan Agrawal, who is Mumbai Dabbawala's authorised speaker, an international motivational speaker and Founder & President of Kamalabai Educational and Charitable Trust, Mumbai. His humility touched me. And what he choses to do: higlight the immense possibility in human beings, inspired me.
This world is so beautiful only if we choose to see it and elevate ourselves to #bethechange. When I meet such people, I am always inspired and feel joyful. Can't stop quoting the butterfly effect here:
Even a minor shift can have a tremendous effect. Like butterfly's flapping of wings which is capable of altering the path of tornado.
The choice is ours. We can choose to deny our intuition or decide to follow it and contribute towards Universal expansion.
Leaving you with this declaration by the great environmentalist Paul Hawken, “What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world.”
What you choose to see will determine how this world will be. That's the start of everything. And your choice shall determine your strategy & action plan. And that's your #karma. What you put out comes back to you. You are the maker of your life.
Thank you Universe!
Believing in you,
#coachpriyankadutta #lifecoach #intuition #magic
"#Jealousy is a #feeling of #being angry or sad because you want to be like somebody else or because you want what somebody else has," says the dictionary. How many times have you denied this feeling and jumped on to the feeling of celebration for another's success, achievement or for who they are?! Well, if you are honest, brutally honest and aware of your own emotions, you'll realise that we all feel all the feelings and jealousy is one of them. It's absolutely a normal phenomenon to be jealous. But, do we normalise that?! No, we don't and thus we don't know how to handle it in a healthy way that can propel us forward instead of holding us back in its stuck energy.
Just take your two fingers and put it on your pulse. Can you feel the pulse? Well, if you can you are human and thus it is absolutely valid to be jealous. But the point of concern is that, we so often deny this feeling. We don't give ourselves the permission to feel it, be with it and so it manifests in unconscious ways, ways that we may be regretful of. It then takes an ugly form, develop a strong resentment towards the person rather than just realizing that it is but a natural feeling that we all feel. The key is to be present with it and aware of it.
Couple of years back, during one of the group sessions on embodying emotions where I was a participant, a co-participant when asked this question: "What are you feeling and why?" She said that she was jealous of me and who I was. I was not taken aback because I knew what jealousy felt like and that it was totally normal to feel it that way. I felt compassion for her and brought back memories of times when I felt this feeling and I was gaslighted. I was shunned and made to like other's achievement, celebrate them. That all is fine, but what about the processing of the jealous feeling? Does anyone tell us how to do it? How to undergo the completion process of any intense feeling? That's altogether a different area of work that we can learn and master. I am glad that over the years of my journey as a #coach, I have learnt to process my feelings, undergo the completion process and transcend my emotions to a more empowering one. Mind you, it is a repeat process and you have to do the work whenever you catch yourself feeling it.
Next time you are jealous of another, take a moment to be aware that you are feeling this, give yourself permission to be 100% present with it and then allow your natural state of compassion to flow in, not just for you but for the person you are jealous of too. When you are present, you enable natural allowing of surfacing of emotions. Hence, after a point it is not enough knowing the science of it, but mastering the art.
The fact that you are jealous points out to the fact that you could recognize something in that person that is reflective of your desires and who you want to be.
So, take a moment to thank the person for triggering that feeling in you and do the work on yourself.What do I mean by that? Instead of sulking over and shaming yourself for being jealous or plotting to bring the person down to feel good; once you have given permission to yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, ask yourself this question, empowering question: "What can I do today to start in the smallest possible way to be the person that I am actually jealous of which in reality is admiration in disguise or how can I embody the qualities that the person have, starting in my own little way?" And before you realize, you'll know that the feeling of resentment is gone and you are again in your centre, ready to unleash the potential within you.
The measure of true #success is never about victory or perfection, but how good are you at responding to what it is. And this applies to your feelings too.
Don't deny, learn to respond. Accept the reality of what you are feeling as it is.The moment you master the art of holding both the emotions: that which we deny and that which we are conditioned to, you will find yourself at a space that is so liberating and beyond your feelings. That's who you are. More than your emotions but emotions are a part of your existence.
This post is inspired by a conversation that I had with a #professional who had the #courage and #humilty to accept that he did play dirty games because he was #jealous of his #colleague and without even realizing it, tried to #sabotage his career. And he is regretful of his behaviour. As a coach, my job is to let the person #transcend to his true nature of #compassion and #love. For once you are aware of your coping strategies, the sleepwalking is over. When a person is transforming, we must allow it to be and not impose our idealism onto it. We all deserve a second chance.
Believing in you,
#coaching #transformation #coachpriyankadutta
Gif credit: https://giphy.com/explore/royalty-free
If you really want to do a favour to the Universe, then don't hold back, don't hide your magic. Let the magic flow through you. And everyone has the magic in them. The only thing standing in its way is "YOU". Yes, you are getting in the way to creating a magical experience not only for yourself but for others who can benefit from your magic. It's a proven fact that people don't change unless they want to. So, unless you get out of your own way, you can't change. And by change, I mean changing from where you are, to being at the peak of your being unleashing all your gifts, stepping into your zone of genius, your seemingly unbelievable possibilities.
Every person I have come across in life, is endowed with unique gifts, their special magic. But many a times they don't see that in them, they don't believe in it, they don't trust the magic, they are fearful of stepping into their own hidden power, they wait for the right moment, they wait for their gifts to be perfected, mastered till they feel it worthy enough of showing it to the world and what not. I get it totally. But, alas that day never comes in their life. Only they hang on to newer fears and reasoning for postponing it. The irony is just the opposite of what they believe. Once you get a glimpse of your magic in you, which you will for sure; all you need to do is to take the magic wand and just play with it without any further delay. As you play, you become expert in that over time, you gain mastery & you grow. By holding back, you are doing an injustice to yourself, the Universe which entrusted you with that magic for you aren't using it because of your own inhibitions & fears.
Look back to the earliest memory of you as a child. If need be, pick up an old picture of yours when you were a kid & saw that magic in you, believed in your possibilities & did whatever you felt like & wanted to. Who were you then? If I recall my days of who I was, I will be amazed at my own magic. A carefree, smart, confident, fearless spirit, a performer, a singer, a dancer, a happy kind person, unrestrained in my being, a sportsperson, full of possibilities and creativity. But, I let my inhibitions, my fears, my ego, my attachment to outcomes, my neediness, my impatience, my withdrawals, my version of stories get in my way & didn't allow myself to bloom to my exceptional possibilities. I allowed my magic to fade with time. I let it simmer inside me without giving it an outlet to expand & bloom. The first time I woke up from my illusions was when I attended a coach & leadership intensive at Los Angeles. There were brilliant coaches across the globe and their being had an impact on me, on who I was. All my fellow coaches saw the light in me, but I was the one who refrained from seeing that in me & so my actions reciprocated what I thought who I was. And then thankfully, one of them walked up to me and said,"Priyanka, do a favour to the Universe and the people out there who are waiting for you to make an impact in their lives by not holding back yourself. Don't hide your magic." Those words were enough for me to question myself as to what was bigger for me: my fears, my inhibitions or my commitment to be who I am meant to be? And thankfully I chose commitment over everything else. Hence, my insight from that intensive was: "It's so beautiful to bloom into the person that you are." In a way, embracing your magic. That was my breakthrough moment because I decided to act on that realization & not just leave it there. From there on, there was no looking back. I made up my mind to give an outlet to my magic, no matter what.
If you have forgotten your magic let me remind you with these lines:
You are full of possibilities,
Waiting for its release;
Don't hold back, don't hide,
Embrace your magic & just dive,
Today is the day to start,
Your inhibitions, I invite you to part;
Stand tall to your magic, your commitment,
You are here to make a dent.
And by writing all of these, not caring & fearing if I get likes or not, whether people follow me or not; I am refusing to bow down to my internal inhibitions, my ego, petty needs & standing tall to bring my magic to this world whatsoever. And if this inspires you to move ahead in your journey, my magic gets a shout out, I will ever be grateful because I am walking my path for my magic to bloom.
Before I leave you in deep reflection, let me share few of my learning from the movie, The Lion King that I watched recently and I believe it had the magic that we needed to look beyond our fears & feed our possibilities:
Love & respect,
"I don't fix problems, I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves." - Louise Hay
Yesterday was indeed a day of self-discovery! For the past couple of days, I was becoming more aware of my patterns and blind spots. And after attending a webinar by one of the master coaches on the topic, discovering your sweet spot; I became more aware of a part hidden in me that I wasn't aware of. This webinar acted like a catalyst to uncovering that. Sometimes you need your own sweet time to discover things. That discovery is joyful because then the insight becomes too powerful to resist converting it into action. As coaches too, we have our blind spots. If we aren't mindful of that, if we aren't looking within, there are chances of us sabotaging our own growth & so the growth of our clients & people whom we serve.
SELF-DISCOVERY IS BEAUTIFUL
Self-discovery is beautiful because then you get to decide what you want to do about it. You have the power within to control the outcomes and not the other way around. I realized that I had a mindset of fixing everyone's problems. I wanted to fix things. This I did consciously & many a times unconsciously too. My mind looked for cues to fix people, fix things, situations. After having been into HR for more than a decade, I developed this attitude in me strongly and so I behaved exactly the same way in every aspect of my life. I wanted to fix things not working in my relationship, I wanted to fix things in my son, I wanted to fix things in my career etc. etc. And amusingly, I looked at this from an absolutely different angle. I gave it the name of being a giver. I was considering myself to be profound giver giving away my advice, my ideas, my tips, my suggestions trying to fix what was wrong in the other person. Sometimes, I did this without even the person asking for it. I mean unconsciously, I just exuded that energy and so I sabotaged many connections & relationships. Many a times I offended people too. Most importantly, I was harming myself and sabotaging my peace of mind & happiness. This attitude of fixing never works out for good. The only thing that would really be empowering for me would be to fix this mindset of mine. Something inside of me needed to be fixed and so I decided to dive into it deep.
OUR PROJECTIONS ARE OUR DEEPER INTRINSIC NEEDS
What we project onto others is exactly what we need to give ourselves. As an Enneagram style 4 person, I had this believe around myself being defective. My coach, Clarence Thompson did tell me about this. I viewed myself from that space and so my urge to fix things in others. You fix when you think that what you are seeing, experiencing is not right. So, you try to make it better. You try to fix it to be able to fit that into your idea of being good. I realized I had high ideals in my mind and I was never satisfied being who I was. I always had this habit of comparing self with someone whom I looked up to.This can be even imaginary ideals, the perfect being. So, I wanted to fix every part of me to be able to be that ideal person. And when I do this what happens, I loose out my uniqueness, my originality and become just a mere copy of the ideal & a vacuum persist. I had nourished this demon inside me for years and this was one of the major blind spots that was holding me back from experiencing myself in my truest form, liberating myself to my next level of growth. Ah! Every time I think this is the big one, I encounter another big one. But this uncovering is amazing!
NO FIXING NO REPAIRING, JUST THE WAY IT IS
I then realized that this needs to be fixed in me. Rather, than fixing, it needs acknowledgment. I acknowledged this side of me and embraced it fully. I gave approval to myself for who I am. As Byron Katie says, "Loving what it is." So, I decided to love what it is. No fixing, no repairing; just the way it is. If I want to live with this imperfection, so be it. And if I want to fix it, so be it. But now there's a huge difference in the way I operate. I don't fix because I want to make things better; but because I want to accept the imperfection & embrace the next level to experience another side of me and so in other people; not to escape from the imperfections but to experience myself & others more profoundly. More than fixing, which comes from a place of scarcity, fear; now I operate from a space of love and abundance. There's scope for improvement, if you want, embrace it; if not let it be how it is because that is what is needed exactly at this point, at this moment. So, givers & people who love fixing; do look deep within: "What's that which needs fixing inside of you? What is it that you need to give to yourself that you have been giving others?"
Last but not the least, when you fix others problems, you take away their ability to find their own solutions. All you got to do is, just support them in finding their solutions and answers. They know best what needs to be done, you just be with them while they solve/fix their problems. That is powerful! We don't see this power because we haven't realized it's power yet. And coaching is all about that, no fixing but inspiring, eliciting, nurturing & leading forward.
Love, light & gratitude,
"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."
Uncovering a truth requires courage and the willingness to go deep into areas within us that we haven't traversed or have restricted ourselves from doing so. When you open the doors to that which you resist, you'll find that you have unlocked the first door to the barrier itself. There's this abundance barrier that is holding me back from experiencing myself in a profound way & not letting others experience me in my unique ways. As I block this, I too block myself from creating what I am meant to create.
WE ARE MORE THAN WHAT WE HAVE EVEN EXPERIENCED OF US
This life is not just about waking up everyday and performing the tasks that we have laid down for ourselves but doing; let me scrap doing but being more of who we truly are. We are at the core beyond our possibilities, beyond our vision, beyond our thoughts, beyond our limitations. We are extraordinary, we are love, we are pure, we are abundant, we are more than what we have even experienced of us.There's so much to experience ourselves in us that this life-time will fall short. As I grew in my life, I have uncovered beautiful parts inside of me, parts unknown to me & also parts that looked seemingly not so good to me but was there to tell me that it is important to experience both sides of the coin to be able to arrive at a point of nothingness, a space of absolute infiniteness. The space between the extremes, the space between the polarities, because to experience that space, you have to be awakened to even sense its presence.
For a greater part of my life, I lived in black & white. I lived in this or that, on or off, because I wasn't even aware that something in between existed because this awareness is very unique to every individual based on his/her growth journey. I am not sure what & why I am writing all of these. But yes, I am letting myself flow, I am enabling my thoughts to flow and uncover an abundance barrier that is holding me back for long and I find many people including my clients having this barrier, unable to break-free from it. So this blog is an attempt to uncover that barrier. I have realized that when you let your thoughts flow, feel the underlying emotion in it and just sit with it with the quest to uncover the message, you get the message, the answer that you are looking for.
THE UNIVERSE IS ABUNDANT ONLY IF WE ARE WILLING TO EXPERIENCE IT
Anything that we restrict in us and don't allow to flow & obstruct the Universe's flow of energy is where we get stuck. Abundance is the natural flow. The Universe is abundant only if we are willing to experience it. We choose to be in the scarcity space because that's what we have experienced, that's what most of us have been conditioned to accept, that's what takes us to the victim mode paving the way for sympathy & excuses which we like & dislike too. A thought is coming to my mind but I am feeling vulnerable to share it here. And I know that this is the right moment to share because this resistance will uncover something that will serve me. So, here it is: I grew up in a middle class family and my parents gave us the best that they could. Today I am all because of the foundation that was laid then. So, I sit in this deep gratitude of that experience. Yet, there are parts in me that is looking for answers, unresolved issues around abundance that needs resolution. And here I am to unlock my abundance barrier. Two questions that I asked myself since the abundance barrier is not serving me anymore are:
1. What is the abundance barrier trying to teach me that I haven't learnt over these years?
2. What message is it giving that I have been ignoring for years?
What came up for me are these revelations! Deep down I believe all of these: I don't deserve abundance. I am not important enough to experience abundance. In the experience of scarcity my deeper needs of being accepted, loved, valued unconditionally are met. And because of which I had restricted myself from experiencing abundance. I never allowed myself to embrace it, but kept on deflecting it whenever it wanted to embrace me. As a result of which, I couldn't experience the joy of being in the nothingness of this experience. I just tasted one side of the coin and never allowed myself to taste the other side thinking that this is what it is. I kept imagining what the other side would look like & kept judging, conceptualizing, restricting myself from experiencing that out of sheer fear to plunge to the other side. This awareness is enough for me to create a new awareness in me to enable me to experience the other side, allowing the energy to flow & enabling the abundance barrier to break. I already feel from the inside that the barrier is breaking now.
We think that abundance means having lots of money, huge bank balance, surplus income etc. But in reality abundance is beyond all of these. Abundance is the feeling of fullness, feeling of having everything, feeling of bliss, joy, feeling of resourcefulness, feeling of the power within us to create & manifest. When we get access to that power within, we automatically elevate ourselves from a space of lack, emptiness, scarcity to a space of resourcefulness. Abundance can be felt when we get in touch with the gold mine that is hidden inside us and now it is up to us as to how we want to use it. Getting into that space requires deep belief that we deserve to live in abundance and that abundance lies in us & not outside us. You can earn more money, yet feel lack & scarce. You can have everything yet feel empty & incomplete. Abundance comes from the acceptance of these facts: I am worthy of this feeling. I have faith in my resourcefulness. I approve of the abundance that is already there in my life. I approve of the abundance in me. I am not pulling myself down to scarcity in my thoughts, emotions & actions but elevating myself to experience abundance, a blissful state to be in. When the little voice inside us says: "Yes, I have everything, I am full, complete and powerful enough to create what is important to me", is when you truly embrace abundance. You break free from your barrier and you are a step closer to your experience of life. Why did I even mention that I belonged to a middle-class family?! Because generally we are conditioned to belief that a normal middle-class family doesn't live much of their lives in abundance state but scarcity state. That is what we have been conditioned to believe. But the actual experience would be to not accept what is generally downloaded to you but what you experience what the reality is. Being in middle-class family doesn't mean living in scarcity, it is just the conditioned mind that restricts the experience of the abundance gold mine that is there in us. Once that is broken free, abundance will flow through every person, every being. It's a matter of sheer experience unique to self!
OUR CHOICE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
An insight is a new way of looking at things. You then club it with your learning, learning from other sources and make a powerful perspective for you. That's the beginning of any journey. Once you are aware of your abundance barrier, you got to ask yourself: What do you want to do about it? You want to use it to experience yourself in a more profound way or you want to remain who you are, in a cautious space not wanting to expand & bloom? The choice is entirely yours and that choice makes all the difference. Leaving you with a thought provoking quote by J K Rowling, "It is impossible to live without failing at something...unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case you fail by default."
Love, light & gratitude,
The joy of uncovering our blind spots is so fulfilling because it leaves you shifting your being which is the key towards massive growth & transformation within you. When your being shifts, your actions will accordingly shift and so your results. Today I uncovered yet another blind spot in me where I realized that more than living my own values, I was actually expecting others to live those values. This realization gets triggered at the most vulnerable situations, when you are in the grip of your limiting mind, when you are under stress. It is rightly said that if you have to know the true personality of a person, you have to see him/her at his/her lowest points. How one behaves during these periods will actually reflect what insecurities they have, what fears they are holding on to & what their inner world without masks & armours truly look like?! In moments of despair, we usually give in and we project our inner self. Not that our inner self is not good or so, but we then get aware of which space we are operating from: fear based or love based.
We all have values that we uphold, our actions are shaped by our values. But many a times, we don't realize that living our values is different from expecting others to live by our values. Even I didn't have that awareness until I uncovered that blind spot in me today. And I am so glad to have got in touch with that side of me. Values are what we uphold to be important to us & that which influences our behaviours and attitudes. My top values are: freedom, fulfillment, joy, authenticity, empathy & abundance. Great values to have! But, at moments when we are not at the centre of our being, at moments when we are out of balance, is the moment when we need to uphold our values most because it will serve us since it defines our identity, our actions that makes who we are. Noticeably during these moments we don't live by our values & instead expect others to live by our values. How? Let me share an instance. I arrived late for a meeting by 2 mins or so. The person with whom I had the meeting scheduled was upset and the body language reflected that. This was my perception though! Before the person said something to me, I clarified why I was late & expected the person to empathize with me. But that really didn't happen and the person started to question me & I felt judged. Here I was sitting feeling judged and not being empathized. I was completely zoned out because I had a very high benchmark for the person & that it wasn't matching up to that really irritated me. I sat in that anxiety and was flooding my mind with all sorts of judgement around the person. Later, after centering myself again, I realized that I was the one judging the person and not empathizing with. Empathy & authenticity are my values and I wasn't living those at that moment but expecting the person to empathize with me and be authentic too. Because I wasn't living my values & I was expecting the other person to live my values, I withdrew myself from being totally present in the moment, from giving my committed listening and hence my actions weren't serving me & the intent of the entire meeting got lost till I got back to my senses and reminded myself of the fact that I need to empathize and be authentic. That small shift just changed the entire dynamics of the meeting and eventually it turned out to be a fruitful one but with a massive breakthrough for me.
Many a times, in organizations also, we carve out these values yet we forget to uphold them. We expect employees to abide by them. The leaders who create these organizational values don't live by them and expect every other person to adhere to these. Leadership is beyond forcing but inspiring. And you inspire others not by saying but by being what you want them to be. Likewise, pick up any relationship in your life. May be with your spouse, child, sibling, colleagues, friends etc. Notice that many a times we don't do what we want them to do for us. If we want love, we must first give them love; if we want them to be truthful, we have to be truthful first. Do think over? What serves us powerfully: living our values or expecting others to abide by our values? Our values are unique to us. And more importantly, values have to be just lived without any inner benchmark. Benchmark will derail you. But simply living the values will empower you. Nothing external can trigger you if you live by your values in every situation and not just put the power on external locus of control like expectations from others.
Love & light,
There are times, cycles when we reach a low point in our thinking. Our mind is no longer capable of thinking positively, we are no longer able to look at the bright side of the things. This noticeably happens at moments when we are rejected, when we get NOs, when we fail, when we don't meet our expectations, when we don't meet our targets/deadlines, when we assume that we are no way closer to our intentions. That's when we question ourselves and our abilities. That's when self-doubts creep in, we become one of our greatest critics! Everything seems to be working against us. Situations, people & life in general seems not to be working in our favour. That's when we are in the grip of our limiting mind! That's the time when we look at things from a fixed view and loose the power to create. That's when we tend to give up. In fact this is the most vulnerable spot and time for giving up & forgetting our "WHY". This is the time when we loose sight of why we started of in the first place. Our mind is clouded with all the negative thoughts and we slowly move towards the victim state if we aren't mindful enough.
Today I felt I was in the grip of my limiting mind. I became fixed in my views, my mind started to pick up all the negative cues, everything not serving me & my growth. Earlier I wasn't aware of my patterns. But now I know when I am in the grip of my habitual patterns. I withdraw, I criticize myself, I doubt my capabilities, I don't take any actions but become lazy across all the four bodies: physical, emotional, intellectual & spiritual. I use distractions to keep me away from feeling any discomfort. I seek for approvals, validation and blame others for what has happened. In a way it is a complete zoned out moment for me. But, the beauty of all of this is that, now I am aware of my behaviours. I realize my patterns & so half the battle is already won. All I need to do is to gather myself up and move on with my consistent actions. But, there is a twist here. Every time anything negative happens, I get the chance of being a beginner again. The lightness of being a beginner again is more effective than carrying the burden of being just successful with no real impact. Every time things don't work out, I get an opportunity to use my creativity muscle, churn it to my benefit & come out with something really impactful & useful. This for me is growth. There is so much joy in failing! I could never say this before because I never saw it that way. Every time I am rejected, every time I am ignored, every time I bag a NO; are the times I really feel proud of myself because I know that I am progressing & not just running over at the same spot again & again with the delusion of progressing. These NOs are the foundations of my story to be told as a part of my legacy! I would be happy to gracefully bag as many as I can and I acknowledge myself for being able to say this now. This proves that my leadership depth has increased massively over time. Way to go!
My clients are a reflection of me and hence we find joy working together; being in the coaching relationship. Whenever they come up to me with a long face upon failing, upon not meeting targets; I know that breakthrough is going to happen that will change their lives drastically. They do the same things that I have mentioned above. They self-loathe, self-criticize, withdraw, blame, go to victim state. They forget to see the glory of being who they truly are in moments like this! One failure robs them of their peace of mind, their identity, their capabilities. Mind it that they are all exceptionally high performers; just that the failure has taken a toll on their being and they are unable to see more than just their failure in moments when they are in the grip of their limiting mind. Giving up & quitting mentally, mid-way, is one of their biggest blind spots that they need to work on. Simply put, they have lost the form due to limiting thoughts that they have held due to the rejection that they are experiencing now. And then I remind themselves like I did to myself to let go of these unnerving thoughts; to embrace the limiting mind because it speaks from a space of fear & give power to the limitless mind, igniting & leveraging the limiting mind. Leaning against the intrinsic fears is the key. Change is constant, likewise failing too is a part of the master's journey. For anything extra-ordinary that you want to create, you have to be extra-ordinary in your thinking, in your being and in your actions. You have to fail extra-ordinarily too. You must sail through that to be able to conquer your failures. Giving up is truly failing and not failing. Failing gives us opportunities to be better, for us to re-look at our ways, to be more creative, to defy the regular ways of doing things, breaking ourselves into pieces to actually see what parts are critical to fulfilling our bigger intentions. And my clients are extra-ordinary who plays bigger games and their purposes and causes are extra-ordinary!
Free yourself from your limiting mind to win not just the battles but the war inside of you & produce extra-ordinary results, to live your "WHY" for which you started in the first place.
Love & light,
A candle consumes itself to give light to others and it ends there. But, the powerful question is: Do you want to be just like the candle that dims itself after lighting for a short period or do you want to be like the sun that radiates light not at it's cost but after conserving the energy within & radiating that outside for all to shine & glow? There is altogether a science behind the light emission but what I am trying to say by using this metaphor is to urge you to reflect on yourself and ask if you are being the candle or the sun while giving yourself out there in the world. Here's an interesting conversation that I had with one of my clients who is a giver, but somewhere feels lost while giving. And because of that my client feels purposeless, tired, exhausted, lifeless. Here goes the dialogue (To maintain confidentiality, names are not used and even the gender is not disclosed):
Client: I am a people's person and I allow the people around me to define me. I love doing that and it gives me joy.
Me: Great! You are an extra-ordinary giver! So what's the challenge when you are doing what you are doing and you love it?
Client: I am lost. Although I love what I do, I am kind of standing on a cross-road now and there are two paths in front of me. One that I am passionate about and where my inner dreams lie and the other is what I must do to make others happy and satisfied. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Which one should I pick up. Both are conflicting and I am confused.
Me: What if you have both? Not this/that but both?
Client: Is that even possible? How can I do that? You mean I stop caring for others and become selfish?!
Me: That's what you are thinking! Who says you are selfish if you do what you love to do? Imagine when you are doing what you are passionate about, who would you be?
Client: More nourished, more happier and more fulfilled!
Me: Great! From that space will you be able to serve others better?
Client: Yes, I think so. I would be more inspired to help, support and take care of others because that would come from a space of not losing myself but doing it while discovering myself and giving more powerfully.
Me: Great insight! Some more food for thought for you. Would you like to lose yourself by giving or would you like to discover yourself, empower yourself, rejuvenate yourself in the process of giving & serving?
Client: Obviously the second one. But I am not used to doing this.I get easily influenced by others and people's need come first for me.
Me: That's okay. We will together handle that during the sessions. I will coach you to connect with your wisdom inside and figure out a solution/action plan to not to slip into your old patterns. Are you up for playing that game?
Client: Yes, I want to for sure. I need to care for myself and not just let myself waste in the process.
And the conversation continues....
This is one of the most common dilemma witnessed among givers. They are wonderful people who cares and empathizes so much for others but unfortunately loose themselves while doing so if they aren't mindful of their actions and behaviours. There's nothing wrong in giving, but as a giver; the first responsibility is towards yourself and only when you first take care of yourself, you will be able to give profoundly. You can then be a powerful giver in every sphere of your life. Your glass needs to be filled by you first and then you can give. Otherwise, in the name of giving you are just transferring emptiness in the lives of others including you.
So, it's important for you to decide if you want to be just a candle or the sun that radiates bright & gives warmth to everyone.
Love & light, Priyanka
We all live by our stories and we hold on to it strongly. But, stories are not the reality, it's not the 100% truth that we easily assume it to be. Stories are just stories that are past and nowhere relevant in the present. Because of this attachment to our version of story, we live in constant state of stress, worry, fear, unhappiness and pacify our pain by putting blame and projecting our inner reality outside. The question is not about dropping the story but investigating our thoughts around that story that has the power to liberate us and set us free. When we are free, our thoughts and actions are in sync and they are far more clearer, kinder and fearless. All the battles that we are fighting outside first needs resolution in the inside; after all we are nothing more than what we are inside of us and we create that reality for us everywhere.
At age 38, I am glad that I found that liberation inside me that has set me free from the shackles of my own attachment to uninvestigated thoughts and my old stories that had been over long back, but I am holding on to them and replaying those in my mind with every thought that I feed in, thereby feeling the angst, pain, fear and worry of living it again. Loving and accepting the reality is so grounding & humbling that I spare myself from unwanted speculation of myself and others and just live in the moment. When I live in the moment, there is so much power. My entire energy is just being used right here, right now. What happens when I do that? I become saner than before, wiser than who I was, productive in my actions, enjoy life more than what I did and best of all become aware of the power of truth, the power of reality as it is and accept it with open arms. This to me is empowerment!
Most of our lives is spent in focusing on others' business. When I say others' business, I mean when I put my energy, thinking and thought on what others should do and not do, what should have been right, not right, what my expectations from others is, how a system should function, how people should act, behave, how they should treat me for my actions and behaviours etc. etc. We spend our lives doing this: consciously and unconsciously. The result of this is, we walk away from discovering the truth that lie within us and just become a talking saint. When the focus is shifted into our own business, we find liberation, freedom, peace, love and ecstasy. We all point at others and try to correct them, but failing to realize that major work needs to be done in us because that's our business first and as we do this we enable the change in others because the world mirrors our behaviours and actions. Not the other way around. From a victim state to a creator is the most wonderful gift that we can gift ourselves with. But, doing this is tough. When we focus on being right, then we cannot uncover our truth. But, when we commit to living in truth, then we can drop the guards and see the reality. When you see the reality, chances are that you will feel disgusted initially or even feel judged by yourself because after all you are shedding a reality that you had dearly owned for long. But, now that you have uncovered it, you lay there like a new born pure soul fearing to stand up on its own and doubting self; but with time you'll learn to sail this journey too. It's all in your mind. The day you can accept it for who it is, that's the day you are free to feel joy, love and peace within. And then what happens is nothing but a life of bliss, meaning, contribution, purpose and eternal progress.
This writing is inspired after reading the book, "Loving what is by Byron Katie" and I am so grateful to her for this book. This is what I needed at this point in life. She did the work on herself and with that liberation, she is transforming the world around her including me. As she says, "Judge your thought, investigate it, turnaround and set yourself free." Here I am investigating a thought that used to bother me for long. The four questions as laid down in the book is asked my me to me and watch how things turn around. You too can see and try it out for yourself and uncover the truth.
My thought (I am judging the system from the story that I have created in me): I dislike system because it doesn't give me the freedom to be me.
Proof of truth: I become just a follower of instructions and lose my creativity. My productivity goes down.
First investigative question: Is this true that I dislike system......?
Me: Yes, I have felt this way.
Second investigative question: Can this be really true, 100% true?
Me: Not sure, I haven't asked myself this question before.
Have you always felt this way? Where there opportunities were you felt free being in the system?
Me: Yes, there were few exceptions to this.
Third investigative question: How do you react when you belief the thought that I dislike system because it curbs my freedom?
Me: I shut down, withdraw, repulse, resist it and at times become rebellious too to fight it out.I feel angry and suffocated and feel like running away from it thinking that leaving it would fetch me liberation.
Is there a stress-free reason to hold on to this thought?
Me: Not really, I can't find any at this moment.
Fourth investigative question: Who would you be when you drop this thought and how would you behave?
Me: I would be happy, productive, creative and use my potential to the fullest while in the system.
Turn arounds (You turn around your initial thought and direct it towards you):
Hilarious but insightful isn't it?! And any turnaround is useless if that is not backed by action. My journey of uncovering my truth is on. As I turned around my own thoughts, I just set myself free from holding on to a story that was causing pain in me and not allowing me to think clearly and accordingly perform to my best ability.
We all unfold in our own sweet time and that's the beauty of this journey. Every experience that you encounter is required for you to enable that unique growth in you that you need. Welcome home and enjoy this journey at your own right time.
Love and light, Priyanka
What's your failure quotient? How many times can you take Nos, rejections before you give up determines your ultimate level of success. To have exponential success, you have to be willing to embrace numerous Nos, rejections, be comfortable with banging your nose & be prone to adapting with failures. Hard to believe but yes, this is the truth! A person's failure quotient determines how far he will go in life; whether he will achieve his/her unimaginable/scary dreams or not. I wish I was aware of this mathematics earlier when I started my journey and career! Probably I would have fulfilled many of my dreams/goals by now. Nevertheless, as it is said, you receive the lesson at the time when you are ready and willing, so I am grateful to be sitting in this awareness and truly accepting the fact that failing and being a failure are two different things. Successful people embrace the act of failing, they are willing to fail; they like to fail; but unsuccessful people stop themselves from failing any further, they avoid failures, they hold themselves back. After few bumps here and there, they quit. That's it!
I have always been a topper in my life. And every time I read stories like back-benchers making it to great heights and toppers being seen as someone not being able to make it big in life (statistics says so); I used to wonder why. Honestly, this pinched me too. Not that I didn't appreciate the success of the back-benchers, but pitied myself and my kinds. I used to feel very sad and even worthless for being a topper. I used to question myself as to why did I then put in efforts, burnt the mid-night oil etc., if toppers had to live a life of conformity?! Does it mean that hard-work, efforts didn't have a role to play?! Well, people who do well early in life get used to success and so they become very fearful of failures. They are fearful of rejections and Nos. So, they don't do anything that will sabotage their image of being topper, successful. The achiever's image is dear to them and throughout life, they live maintaining that. They never try out beyond their limits. Once they get what they wanted, they become complacent. One no, and they are doomed! One rejection and they can't handle it. So, they know how to underplay it. I failed to become a Doctor. I couldn't crack the entrance examination and this took a toll on me. The image of being a topper, an achiever; broke. I was under pressure to perform and focused all my energy on cracking it but with fear of failure. What if I didn't crack?! And yes, I didn't crack. It shattered me and I never tried again. I didn't know how to fail gracefully and I gave up. My failure quotient was lowest! One failure led me to give up my childhood dream! See that's why toppers don't become successful! Statistics are right! It has nothing to do with skills, potential; but your ability to embrace failures/rejections/Nos. When you don't take failures personally, you don't give up. You keep trying and trying till you get the yes. More the Nos, more is your validation to your inner commitment to yourself. May be my inner commitment to becoming a Doctor wasn't high and so my failure quotient to that was pretty low.
Pick up any successful person and look at their failure quotient. You will be amazed! They have more Nos, rejections, failures than you can even think of. Thomas Alva Edison failed 10,000 times before he discovered bulb, Allen Breed who invented airbags pursued 30 long years before his product was sold and accepted; Sara Blakely failed numerous times before she became the youngest self-made billionaire....The list is endless! We don't see their failures because once you achieve success, all that people remembers is the ultimate level that you are in. Your desire, willingness, eagerness, persistence to fail determines if your 'WHY' to achieve is strong enough or not. I thought success was to avoid failures, being cautious. But this is absolutely a wrong equation to follow. Success is to embrace failures. More the failures, more the chances of your success. To dig out the diamond, you will have to dirty your hands; to succeed, you have to embrace Nos.
So, ask yourself how many rejections have you faced in life? If the answer is No, you haven't tried enough to succeed. You are standing in your own way to greatness. Pike Syndrome is something I love. I am a victim of Pike syndrome. Google to know more about it. When you get conditioned and limit your actions/efforts because of past bad experiences, couple of failures/rejections and quit; that's called Pike's syndrome. As leaders also, when you reach a particular level in your career; you become very protective of your image and role. You refrain from failing, embracing Nos; you avoid failures; but you want you teams to try. Do you think they will? Absolutely not! They will eventually figure out that if you are afraid of something, they too will avoid that because they too seek security. Leaders who embrace Nos themselves; not only allow themselves to embrace their greatness but others too.
My new learning: Embrace Nos with greater velocity and be happy every time you get it. Let the answers unfold as you do this. I leave you to unravel this secret in your own good time. Do watch this awesome video to figure out yourself what your failure quotient is?!
Love & warmth, Priyanka
Life & Organizational Development Coach