I wasn't who I am today and I very well know that I won't be the same person as I progress in my life. Change is what truly defines me. And I am happy to declare that I am loving this journey of self-discovery, self-awareness, evolution and transformation. I thank each & everyone of you in this journey of mine because all of this happened in your space. Consciously, unconsciously, subtly, intentionally, I was held to experience what I was experiencing; to feel what I was feeling; to act/not act in certain ways to arrive at results expected/unexpected. All I say is, I have grown & now my mental map has widened, my energy field has expanded to be able to accommodate more, hold more, see more and most importantly enjoy more being myself, enabling others to be themselves as they are. On this 30th October 2019, I will turn 39 and so I thought of reflecting my lessons learnt so far and share with you all hoping you'll benefit from this. This in a way is my return gift to you all for all the love and warmth that you have showered and bestowed on me throughout.
1. No one else but only you can give yourself the love that you have been seeking outside.
2. True happiness lies in our ability to experience all our pleasant & unpleasant emotions.
3. The complaints that we have of others are exactly the same someone else is having about us. The only thing is, we aren't aware of it or finding it hard to own & accept.
4. Your experience of life majorly depends on who you choose to BE.
5. No one is bad, it's just that our mental maps aren't aligned as a result of which we aren't able to access their bright, more evolved sides.
6. Nothing in life is as scary as our mind makes it to be.
7. By not diving into the other side of fear, you are missing out on a blissful experience of life.
8. Every one has a unique story that you can truly hear only when you drop your judgement, guards, masks and choose to be in your essence.
9. You can experience another person's greatness when you first experience your greatness by being in your essence.
10. Never spend your life comparing yourself with another soul. You are different, they too are. Never believe anyone who does this comparison to make you a better version. Truth is, in comparison you loose your power.
11. To have a meaningful & peaceful life, embrace adult responses over childhood patterned responses. We majorly act based on our conditioned protective childhood responses. Don't forget that you are no longer that child but growing & evolving.
12. Nobody needs fixing. All they want is the space to be themselves to be able to experience who they are. In that space you flourish & evolve to your highest self.
13. Your triggers are the best place to get access to the brokenness that is inside. Your true work starts in this exploration.
14. Every experience in life matters. If you don't believe me, look back & you'll realize what I mean.
15. If you find yourself in an experience of life that you are not enjoying or don't want to be in; then know that this is exactly what you need for your growth. Yes, a bitter truth.
16. Don't hold on to anything, nothing is permanent; this includes your thoughts, feelings, emotions, ego, judgement, actions, literally everything. Instead hold the sacred space and let things get created in that space freely. Master the patience to hold the space.
17. Never underestimate the power of anyone however hard you may find it. Your rationality can't match the light inside every soul.
18. You can get access to your intuitive abilities only after you have had access to your intellectual abilities.
19. You attract certain kinds of people in your life because you need them to learn something/experience something unfamiliar/co-create something. Don't detest this experience, but thank them for being there.
20. Our greatest learnings come in seemingly unpleasant ways.
21. However compassionate, caring you might be, know that your leaning back & allowing the person to carve out his/her path in that challenging/struggling moment will only truly serve them. So learn to lean back even if it is discomforting and all you want to do is save them & do it for them.
22. Remember that excitement for anything after some point fades. Be it in relationship or any venture that you started. Your decision to not give up when the excitement goes away will enable you to take the leap to the next level of your growth. Giving up is not the solution to not being excited. Rather it is a great reflection point for you to look at your own patterns.
23. Be okay with asking for support. Don't equate that with your inability to do on your own and don't beat yourself up for that. When giving support is joyous, so let be receiving joyous too.
24. Blaming is one of the easiest thing you can do rather than owning a part of you in that messiness. Blaming does no good to anyone. Owning your messiness needs courage & depth of character.
25. Our excuses are our true projections of how powerful our intentions are. They are inversely proportionate.
26. Love the person for who he/she is and not what you want them to be. That's not love, that's transaction, an agenda. Hence your experience of love will be around your definition of love.
27. One day you'll leave this world and anyways go away to the unknown. So decide now who you choose to be, because that's the best you can do with your life.
28. In the name of responsibilities don't run away from your dreams. Likewise, in the name of your dreams, don't run away from your responsibilities.
29. Follow your own truth.
30. Life is beautiful. People are in their space doing their best as they can. I am joy, devotion, radiance, wisdom and serenity (from my essence work with my coaches & people who have truly experienced me).
Expand and spread your wings, fly as high as you want to & create your own lessons. Every lesson is a personal experience & has its own unique beginning, middle and ending. Believe in that.
"A clear rejection is better than a fake promise." - Anonymous
We all fear rejection. We want to avoid it at all cost. Rejection makes us feel bad, low. But what is rejection in the first place? It simply means dismissal or refusal of a proposal. But what we generally do? We give our own meanings to rejection and allow that story to play in our mind. We then operate from that space again & again. We let the word rejection mean something about us, we take it personally. We use this formula: Rejection = I am not good enough, Rejection = I am not worthy, Rejection = I am a failure, Rejection = I am not enough, Rejection = I couldn't convince, Rejection = I am __________. You may fill in the blank as you give meaning to it. And that's when the problem lies. Later in our lives, we become so good in avoiding the rejections that we stop playing where we feel there's a chance to be rejected. We start playing low even without realizing it. All rejection meant was, the other person failed to see what you had to offer. So, does it mean that you will stop offering to others who might be eagerly waiting for you and what you have to offer? Or should we make peace with our self-sabotaging definitions and live with it indifferently? We can be indifferent to anything we wish to be. That's one of the most easiest things to do to avoid feeling the pain & regaining ourselves. Feeling the pain is tough. And who wants to be broken every time. But, if you rewrite your definition of rejection, then the heartbreak would have a different meaning for you. It will be an opportunity for you to see beyond just the emotion but what you might improve not because you got rejected but because you are committed to your growth and highest version.
Let me quote a live example here of my rejection story. There was a story that played in my head for long. Most of the time I would speak up, bring forth an idea or something that I deeply believed in & thought might serve an organization that I was serving; I used to face rejection. Rejection can be of two kinds: one is you get ignored totally or you bear the consequences of non-compliance, cornered. And I used to be in one of the zones mostly. Never to be accepted. I gave meaning to all of these to mean something about me, I took it personally and so I stopped sharing, to be accepted. I stopped being authentic to be with the bandwagon without analyzing if it was good/bad, I stopped sharing my views to please people with whom I had worked with. But, on the inside I felt terrible. I was doing something that wasn't authentic to me. I was doing something that I didn't believed in. I was doing something that wasn't me. And what did this do to me, the fear of rejection gave me acceptance, superficial love and feel good factor for a while; but it robbed me off me. Slowly, I started becoming who I wasn't. I felt unhappy on the inside. I felt conflicted and so I decided to confront my definition of rejection. What does rejection mean to me? I decided to explore that which I hadn't perceived earlier. My previous definition was: Rejection = Nonacceptance & Cornering. Deep down there was this need in me which longed for acceptance & involvement. That's my stuff and the emotional baggage that I was carrying. I dealt with that separately and came out of it. Then, I decided to redefine the terminology 'rejection' in my dictionary. Rejection for me is simply next one now. No arguments, no defense; simply acceptance of the other person's views because I know that is personal and has nothing to do with me or my potential. It's the way they choose to see it and I honour that. But, I will put forth what I believe to be true of course with an attitude to re-look at my views not to mean anything about me but for greater good. Now, approaching others and getting rejected doesn't feel bad. Now I don't refrain myself from speaking authentically. Because now my focus is not me, but the bigger intention of creating a greater impact.
When we allow rejection to mean something about us, we loose our power. But when we allow the same to mean something about the fact that there was a mismatch in perception, all things fall in place. No defense required, no justification required. It just opens the doors to creating newer possibilities and doesn't curb me from being who I am. But, of course, who I am doesn't have to be rigid again. Acceptance of the fact that we do make mistakes and it is okay to learn, grow & not know is the key. Ah, I wish I would have had this lesson earlier, I would have approached so many people & things; may be my trajectory would have been different. But again, I do know that everything comes to you including the guidance of the Universe only when you open up to its mysteries. Nothing before, nothing after. Just at your right time, depending upon your willing to receive it.
Our stories recreate our experiences of us, people & life. To have a newer & more meaningful experience, we need to investigate the stories playing in our head. Are we tightly holding on to that or willing to let go to create newer & more powerful ones? This simple awareness will enable us to make a shift, a tiny shift that will lead us to exponential growth.
Some of the areas that you might reflect on are:
1. Are you hiring people that you are comfortable with? What does this pattern reflect?
2. Are you resisting to see a different side to the issue that you are facing? Reflecting on why & your resistance might help you?
3. Are you unwilling to take support because you believe this is who you are? Diving into this arrogance might lead to a breakthrough you might be resisting all your life?
4. Am I playing small fearing rejection?
5. Am I not open to newer perspectives?
6. Am I being guarded & not vulnerable?
7. Am I showing that I am too good to even need any support?
8. Am I not being aware of my emotions & indifferent to that side?
9. Am I sensing some resistance while reading this blog? What thoughts, feelings & sensations you are having as you read this?
10. Am I getting triggered by something outside of me? That could be a great place to start with.
Believing in you,
#leadership #authenticity #rejection #fearoffailure #ourstory #meaningweattachourselvesto #lookingbeyond #uninvestigatedthoughtsandstories
Life & Organizational Development Coach