Some from my professional diary, some from my heart, some from my perspective, some from good reads, some from observation, some from life's stories, some from imagination, some from sweet nothings of life...
Ah! What a stupid question to ask?! That’s our instant reaction, right?! See, if the question itself sounds stupid, then imagine how really making mistakes would land on you! Don’t worry, you are not alone to feel this way. Most of us live this way, including me. We have a strong aversion to making mistakes & so we live a certain life, a life that is a guarantee to some of the aspects, some of the nuances but not all. This stance guarantees us just a little of what could have been possible. This stance limits us from expanding ourselves to infinity. Our natural desire is to expand, to be free, not to be bounded; but we create the prisons and we live inside of it cribbing, complaining, regretting & also being okay with it. Sometimes some truths are hard to digest because it shows us that side of us that we don’t want to see or get present to because it is so painful, so unsettling, so triggering.
Every time I think of me & everyone around, I find that we are so gifted, highly potential and resourceful, but we aren’t using even an iota of that. Every time we desire to stand up to our greatness, we get stopped not just by others who are fearful but by us too. It is more of our own stances, that stops us from creating what we desire. And the greatest of all things that holds us back is nothing but OUR FEAR OF MAKING MISTAKES. Mistakes start defining us and who we become. But that’s the interpretation of the world and us. That is not the truth. Mistakes are simply mistakes. We make them painful memories and hold on to them making it mean something about us, the person or any subject in that context. We have great ideas, but we keep these to ourselves. Don’t we?! I can assert this because: one, I did like this and two, I know of many people who have done this. The questions that holds me/them back are usually these: What if this isn’t good? What if I look stupid? What if I get rejected? What if it doesn’t work out? What if people laugh at me? What if my life gets messier than what it looks now? What if…………? You can use your fear here to fill the gaps. Just for a second ask this another question: “What you are assuming; can you be 100% sure?” In this mind game, we tend to give up, resign already & not start anything. And mind being mind, it’ll keep popping up with newer & brilliant ideas to find solace in the fact that it is just going to be inside the mind only without coming out in the real world to play the game. We fear playing the game honestly. Did you come across anyone who just by thinking & ideating & not diving into the reality created anything miraculous?! Obviously not! Sometimes I wonder what I have created by holding on to this stance of being perfect, not making mistakes and hiding if I make mistakes out of fear of humiliation, looking stupid and what not! Honestly, nothing! In fact, in the act of not creating the mess outside, I created the mess inside of me.
Long back I learnt not to make mistakes. Because making mistakes wasn’t fun. Who would love to bear the consequences of it? All the shame, guilt and repercussions are hard to handle. But only if you look at it that way and sadly, we are made to look at it that way. Yes, we are made to look at making mistakes that way, we are conditioned everywhere this way. Even in the corporate, you’ll agree that although you are asked to think out of the box, generate new ideas; when you do, you are not received well by many & even the leader is not able to give you the space to make mistakes for many constraints that (s)he is bounded by. We are leaving in constant fear of losing out, missing out, falling short, running behind etc. So, we just give ourselves limited chances. But our exploration of our gifts and its manifestation needs time and more chances than what we are willing to give ourselves.
As the year is winding up, I am sure you all are going to take stock of things. You are going to do an inventory count for 2019. What worked, what didn’t? What was awesome, what wasn’t? What got created and what didn’t? What goals got manifested and what didn’t? etc. Hardly do we take stock of our mistakes. What if we ask ourselves this question, “How many mistakes did I make this year?” As you ask yourself this question, be gentle and kind on yourself. Sit without judgement, don’t sit with a mindset to find fault & beat yourself up, but to take pride in yourself for the fact that you did something out of your way; for something that you were fearful of; for something that you weren’t sure/certain of but you did. As you open you heart to this, you’ll notice a shift in the way you look at mistakes. This stance will enable you to dive into newer, creative and innovative ways. It’ll open the doors to possibilities, of ways that you didn’t know existed. Make mistakes, take stock, forgive, let go, take a new stance, take a renewed goal and again be willing to make mistakes, to let the mess be created, to allow yourself to sit in the discomfort, be willing to play and not just focus on winning. Because after winning, you’ll again feel the vacuum for you haven’t enjoyed the play truly. Make your game infinite and not just fixated with just winning. And if you play without inhibition, without control of self from making mistakes, you will any which ways win. If not anything you will make your life memorable & you’ll be left with a better experience of life. Because as you look back, those wins which were difficult and allowed you to stretch, made a greater impact than the ones that you played safe & comfortably.
My intention for 2020 is to allow myself to make mistakes, make mess & not make it mean anything about me but make it memorable. For I know, where I hold back is what needs my attention & action. And that which I’ll resist will persist. As I look back on 2019, in my mistakes I learnt greatest of all lessons, deepest connections were formed and most of all I grew as a person, as a leader and as a coach. And so, I can allow others to make mistakes & give them an “A” despite of that; give my trust to them. And life is about growing and not controlling us from expanding. As I dive into the unknown trajectory, I will make mistakes for that’s a new ground, but what if I look at it not as mistakes but my willingness to redefine my definition of mistakes?! Making mistakes is much more joyous than sitting in regret for not trying to make one.
In the words of the awesome Sara Blakely, “Go ahead, make mistakes. The worst that can happen is you become memorable.”
Those who made/make a dent in the Universe are the ones who never stopped after making mistakes. Are you willing to allow yourself to making mistakes in 2020? And for the mistakes that you made in 2019, are you willing to let go of those painful memories & recreate a positive stance? Because it’s the mindset that you would choose to carry forward in 2020 that would shape your experiences of life eventually.
Wishing you a joyous, abundant, fulfilling & fantastic 2020. May you live in your essence and experience life in totality.
Believing in you.
#life #leadership #coaching #insights #mistakevsexperience #livinginessence
Our essence is the state of groundedness of our being, a state of our peak-performance, our zone of genius. A state of our highest-self, a state where we are at our best & when others experience us as our best. Yes, both! But we oscillate from over-expressing to under-expressing it. How you arrive at your essence, is by doing the deep work with your coaches, taking feedback from people who have experienced you, from honest self-evaluation, from being open to receiving feedback from people (apart from your relatives & blood-relations) with whom you have worked with, even taking feedback from strangers whom you have connected for the first time. You'll see common patterns and themes. Your ability to receive, just receive (without having to counter/defend) what they have to offer you will allow you to see your essence, who you truly are. And when you live in your essence, you are that unique person that you are meant to be, being able to manifest the gifts that Universe has bestowed on you.
"Everyone has unique gifts & talents. What you love is, what you are gifted at. To be completely happy, to live a completely fulfilled life, you have to do what you love." - Barbara Sher
And like I mentioned before, we keep oscillating between over expression & under expression of our essence. We do this for various reasons. One of the reasons is because of our fears, some acknowledged and some unacknowledged. Having been coached and having coached my clients, one thing I have observed is the resistance to first accepting that there is fear. Denying that one has fear is also a reflection of the fact that either you don't want to dive deep or having fear would mean/reveal something about you that you are not willing to face/get present to. Whenever there is denial, resistance, there is something more beneath that. Uncovering it will truly serve you. But sadly, many a times we live in denial and even resist opening to that someone who is willing to take us to that depth that we are fearful of going.
"Denying the truth doesn't change the facts."
Let's look at the chart below to understand what over & under expression of our essence would look like. I am taking just five of the many essence that me & my people, my kind of people have. Please note that I have got in touch with my essence from the deep work that I am doing with my coaches and my fellow coaches in the safe container called the Forge group that I am in as a part of my learning initiative as a coach & a leader.
You can uncover your essence & then see if you are over expressing or under expressing it. When we feel that what we are doing isn't enough, we do more. The underlying fear is to be secured, certain and be the best at it or else we may not have it or be left out. Mostly driven, passionate and ambitious people would be over expressing their essence. Because they want more and more & want to free themselves from the underlying feeling of 'I am not enough, I need something outside of me to feel enough'. They want to be sure, experience abundance at the cost of who they are. When you do so, you are leaving yourself with an experience of life where you actually feel unfulfilled, not enough and not good about where you are at. Hence you jump to the next level to feel that you are enough. But sadly every time you get to that level, you realize there is a level beyond & your focus is to getting to the next. It's like climbing a ladder that has no end and your drive is to get to the end, highest continuum of it. At some point you get frustrated and tend to give up or do more, exhaust yourself to get to somewhere that you realize you never wanted to go. You live a highly stressed, driven life that robs you off your energy, peace of mind and leaves you with a feeling of disconnect & vacuum. You live a life where you have to constantly prove to yourself & others to satiate the feeling of being enough.
For those who under express their essence, the hidden fear is, 'I am not worthy, I don't deserve, I am not good enough.' Here it is more of a victimized stance that you adopt as a result of the failures, negative/unpleasant experiences that you might have had while growing up or what you experienced of the world around you. May be you were conditioned to be this way to underplay and stay protected. Fear of not being accepted as you are might have led to this stance and so your need is to be accepted the ways others want you to be, to fit in somehow. What is the experience of life you are left with as a result of this stance?
What is really getting in your way to living in your essence? My experience of myself & my clients says the following might be something to reflect on.
Are you willing to deep dive? If yes, what is that tiniest step that you would take in that direction?
I will be happy to have a conversation with you around this to know what you want to create for yourself & where ever you are at life. I am willing to support you. I resisted receiving support earlier, but after opening my arms to receiving support from my coaches, my life & who I BE has transformed drastically & so my outcomes. Are you willing to receive that support that I am offering you? If yes, write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or direct message me or just reach out in any creative way that you deem fit.
Believing in you,
I wasn't who I am today and I very well know that I won't be the same person as I progress in my life. Change is what truly defines me. And I am happy to declare that I am loving this journey of self-discovery, self-awareness, evolution and transformation. I thank each & everyone of you in this journey of mine because all of this happened in your space. Consciously, unconsciously, subtly, intentionally, I was held to experience what I was experiencing; to feel what I was feeling; to act/not act in certain ways to arrive at results expected/unexpected. All I say is, I have grown & now my mental map has widened, my energy field has expanded to be able to accommodate more, hold more, see more and most importantly enjoy more being myself, enabling others to be themselves as they are. On this 30th October 2019, I will turn 39 and so I thought of reflecting my lessons learnt so far and share with you all hoping you'll benefit from this. This in a way is my return gift to you all for all the love and warmth that you have showered and bestowed on me throughout.
1. No one else but only you can give yourself the love that you have been seeking outside.
2. True happiness lies in our ability to experience all our pleasant & unpleasant emotions.
3. The complaints that we have of others are exactly the same someone else is having about us. The only thing is, we aren't aware of it or finding it hard to own & accept.
4. Your experience of life majorly depends on who you choose to BE.
5. No one is bad, it's just that our mental maps aren't aligned as a result of which we aren't able to access their bright, more evolved sides.
6. Nothing in life is as scary as our mind makes it to be.
7. By not diving into the other side of fear, you are missing out on a blissful experience of life.
8. Every one has a unique story that you can truly hear only when you drop your judgement, guards, masks and choose to be in your essence.
9. You can experience another person's greatness when you first experience your greatness by being in your essence.
10. Never spend your life comparing yourself with another soul. You are different, they too are. Never believe anyone who does this comparison to make you a better version. Truth is, in comparison you loose your power.
11. To have a meaningful & peaceful life, embrace adult responses over childhood patterned responses. We majorly act based on our conditioned protective childhood responses. Don't forget that you are no longer that child but growing & evolving.
12. Nobody needs fixing. All they want is the space to be themselves to be able to experience who they are. In that space you flourish & evolve to your highest self.
13. Your triggers are the best place to get access to the brokenness that is inside. Your true work starts in this exploration.
14. Every experience in life matters. If you don't believe me, look back & you'll realize what I mean.
15. If you find yourself in an experience of life that you are not enjoying or don't want to be in; then know that this is exactly what you need for your growth. Yes, a bitter truth.
16. Don't hold on to anything, nothing is permanent; this includes your thoughts, feelings, emotions, ego, judgement, actions, literally everything. Instead hold the sacred space and let things get created in that space freely. Master the patience to hold the space.
17. Never underestimate the power of anyone however hard you may find it. Your rationality can't match the light inside every soul.
18. You can get access to your intuitive abilities only after you have had access to your intellectual abilities.
19. You attract certain kinds of people in your life because you need them to learn something/experience something unfamiliar/co-create something. Don't detest this experience, but thank them for being there.
20. Our greatest learnings come in seemingly unpleasant ways.
21. However compassionate, caring you might be, know that your leaning back & allowing the person to carve out his/her path in that challenging/struggling moment will only truly serve them. So learn to lean back even if it is discomforting and all you want to do is save them & do it for them.
22. Remember that excitement for anything after some point fades. Be it in relationship or any venture that you started. Your decision to not give up when the excitement goes away will enable you to take the leap to the next level of your growth. Giving up is not the solution to not being excited. Rather it is a great reflection point for you to look at your own patterns.
23. Be okay with asking for support. Don't equate that with your inability to do on your own and don't beat yourself up for that. When giving support is joyous, so let be receiving joyous too.
24. Blaming is one of the easiest thing you can do rather than owning a part of you in that messiness. Blaming does no good to anyone. Owning your messiness needs courage & depth of character.
25. Our excuses are our true projections of how powerful our intentions are. They are inversely proportionate.
26. Love the person for who he/she is and not what you want them to be. That's not love, that's transaction, an agenda. Hence your experience of love will be around your definition of love.
27. One day you'll leave this world and anyways go away to the unknown. So decide now who you choose to be, because that's the best you can do with your life.
28. In the name of responsibilities don't run away from your dreams. Likewise, in the name of your dreams, don't run away from your responsibilities.
29. Follow your own truth.
30. Life is beautiful. People are in their space doing their best as they can. I am joy, devotion, radiance, wisdom and serenity (from my essence work with my coaches & people who have truly experienced me).
Expand and spread your wings, fly as high as you want to & create your own lessons. Every lesson is a personal experience & has its own unique beginning, middle and ending. Believe in that.
"The secret of happiness is freedom, the secret of freedom is courage." - Carrie Jones
How would ultimate success look like to you? "Metaphorically, it would be like standing at the peak of the Mount Everest with my arms wide open and feeling the breeze on my face. I will see the world from the top most point, I will hear an unusual calmness that I have been longing for & feel peace from within, a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before. And when I experience all of these, I will be sure of being successful." So, literally there was a starting point and an end point. A line segment, from point A to point B, that I had defined for myself to experience the feeling of being successful, free and calm. My happiness was attached to an outcome that I had defined for myself! Anything short of that won't make me happy.
The spotlight of my life was not on my present moment, but into the future. And as I craved for that experience, it went further & further. My present looked gloomy to me because I started to draw the line from the past and stretch it in a similar way that I am habituated to do. Picking on the excuses, explanations for not being able to make it happen despite of the desire, feeling frustrated at the results that I was creating for myself. Oblivious of the fact that the best that anyone can do is here & now, performing fully, to the best of your ability right here, right now! No dragging of lines from the past, or fixating on the future; but living the moment like painting a fresh new canvas everyday with renewed zeal & vigour, is the key to real happiness, a master's journey! And there is a master in each one of you only if you allow yourself to see that.
It is rightly said that when you live either in the past or the future, you live your own sweet lie, your cooked up story, denying the here & now. And so you loose out the possibility of creating the future that you desire. Because it is in here and now that your power lies. You can't go back and change things in the past nor can you guarantee that this is exactly what will happen in future. Here I am talking of future in a broader perspective. Power lies in this moment to create a new beginning from where you are and just perform earnestly & conscientiously what you want. It is in the process that you experience happiness, a sense of contribution; a feeling of worth and peace within. But can we accept whoever we are at this moment?! Can we shift the spotlight not to the past or to the future but to the present moment?! Are we ready to perform in the hot seat and in the moment experience everything that we are wanting to?! For that we need courage. Yes, courage to perform our life's tasks with the believe that we are self-reliant & we make a difference by just being who we are at this point. Psychologists say that the greatest needs of human beings are to feel worthy & to have a deep sense of belonging; community feeling. And we all do things to secretly meet these two needs. We focus more on the future & the past because it is easy to help us evade from our responsibilities & not muster the courage to act now.
Our feeling of worthiness comes from external achievements, rewards, recognition and eventually because we fear to be disliked and focus only on recognition as a sense of worth, we loose the freedom to live a life created by us but live a life defined by others where they are the guiding star who has the power to either give/take away recognition from us. And eventually we don't feel like making any contribution, nor get a sense of belonging to the larger community when we get rejected, when our growing expectations get rejected in the process. True feeling of worth comes from self-acceptance, building deep unconditional relationships with people & from that space contributing to the world right now, in the present in whichever way you would love to. This feeling is something created by you and is not dependent on anyone else but you.
If you really want to create an outcome, you do it no matter what. You don't pick excuses from past nor dwell into the future. But, sadly we spend most of our energy not on the now but every other thing. Once we get lost in this trap, until we muster the courage, we can't get out of it. We then constantly live in excuses fabricated by us; stories we create to cover everything up. We live a life of lie. And when we encounter someone living a life of freedom & real happiness, we detest or don't buy in because secretly it reminds us of our incapability and cowardice.
When you are ready to uncover deeper truths of life, you are given subtle hints. If you are conscious and mindful, you will be able to pick on the cues at right time. So, thankfully I picked on the cues that Universe was sending across me. Instead of feeling happiness and freedom only after climbing the mountain top, I realized wisdom lies in daring to let the spotlight shine on me now, shine a light on the here & now & from that space earnestly & conscientiously perform. It is in every performance that I derive that same metaphorical experience of being at the top of the Mount Everest.
What would you like to choose: run away from the spotlight adopting the escapist route or let the light shine on the here & now?
Love & respect,
As we are progressing, as technology is facilitating connections, giving us new ways to interact with one another, we are becoming more & more disconnected. Technology is not the problem, but our ability to use our wisdom is! We have lost it. We have lost our ability to sieve high quality from low, from what is real to superficial, we have been conditioned & molded to believe what is just projected to us. We have lost our ability to decide, gauge & even reflect on what should be believed, absorbed, held on to & let go.
This blog is an outcome of many incidents & awakening that I have experienced over the last few days/weeks. I see many people posting their best pictures, best days, their highest thoughts, their success stories etc. etc in the social platforms likes Facebook, LinkedIn & tweet about their best ideas/thoughts. Whether they uphold it or not, that's a different debate altogether. All these things are good momentarily but very distracting & short-lived. At least to me this doesn't create any impact because behind the reels, another reality lies. A reality that you are running away from, a reality that you are finding hard to acknowledge & accept, a reality that you have become uncomfortable with because of all the illusions that you created. The rat race of being seen as the best is increasing amongst people & this pains me. Sometimes I too get tempted to be in this race when I see the world just believing in what is shown & not taking a moment to reflect, use their wisdom to figure out what is true & what is fake. But then fortunately I can see the consequence of that choice which I know is short lived & not fulfilling to me. Slowly, rather than creating an impact, your focus gets shifted to how I can get admiration & approval for being best, seen as best. And for sure, that's not my intent.
The saddest part is, in this chaos when someone genuinely puts something concrete, of value & impact, we ignore it; rather it gets ignored amidst the fake. A habit of being in haste is slowly getting formed. Majority of the people don't even realize that they are being influenced by this social "seen as best" revolution which isn't taking them anywhere. And a new form of disorder is taking shape: Social Media Obsession & Anxiety. Read more about this. Hail Google!
Recently an incident happened & it shook me to the core. One of the acquaintances who was always projecting the best on the social media, suddenly gave up on his life. This news was shocking for me! What happened & why? Everything seemed alright. Life on the social media seemed so good. No one could even doubt that something substantial was happening on the inside that was hidden from the world. Something so troubling that one decided to end one's life?! Based on what was shown, nobody even cared to look past the projection. Nobody cared to even ask just one simple question: "Is everything ok?" We assume that everything is fine. But trust me, things may not be as it is shown. Deep down the reality may be very different. This is a trap that we are trapped in!
Many years ago I saw a couple posting pictures of them projecting their best into the world. They were one of the couples who set couple goals for others to follow & imbibe. And months later, I got to know that the man committed suicide because of some personal relationship issues. This shook me. What's wrong with us? Social media is here to facilitate connections & not to enable our attachment to our best projections. We are human! We have ups & downs. We have problems in our career, relationships & its okay to have these. What if we choose to drop the projections & show what's real without packaging, filtering & sugar-coating? What's the fear? Fear of abandonment, rejection, looked down upon? Do you then think that those individuals who only puts you in the pedestal for your projections, worth your time & effort? Who are you then putting down by holding on to them? If not dropping it altogether, can we at least choose & care to ask: "How are you?" That would make a lot of difference in someone's life. And I say this from my own experience & encounter with people. They have huge follower-ship but say, "I don't have a real connection or a real friend. They all come to me for some ulterior motives not because they care for me." Isn't this a sad state of affair? They cry in front of me, they share their stories, their pain, their concerns but that doesn't make them bad, low or unappealing. That doesn't mean that they are not having good memories or goodness in life. All it means is you are human & its okay to be real, to embrace yourself with all your imperfections, challenges, dark sides.
Our work is not to be perfect but be real. So, drop the mask, the projection & be real. At least if not anything, you will give flame to a movement where people will be comfortable being themselves, being seen as they are. Living your life is more important than the petty projections! Sooner you realize, you will make a better & meaningful living for yourself & your significant others. I would be keen on seeing that real self in you; no filter, no projection, no packaging but the real you. Let's use technology to connect with that person & not ignite the "seen as being best" race. Likewise, let's see the real talent, the potential, the possibilities, the real value, the depth & not just the projection. This way we will create a better world for us & generations to come. I take the responsibility for creating an environment for people where sadly projection is given more importance than substance & reality. Will you too? If yes, start from today. Acknowledge a person who is real; reach out to one person & ask how he/she is. Read beneath the lines & make a difference, save a life.
This blog is my gift to you to ignite this awareness in you to hold on to reality & let go projection.
Believing in you,
"If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against." - Osho
There is always peace & tranquility in the truth. But we are so impatient that we have no time to discover it but use our opinions & judgements. And when we use only our perspectives to see the things, situations, people and understand them, we are way away from the reality. I have judged people many a times. I have judged myself too. I have seen people, things and situations from my lens only & believed strongly to be the truth in totality. For many years I have lived like that. What happens then? My ego got satisfied with the fact that I know people & myself well. I didn't have to do the hard thing of finding out the reality but easily draw conclusion with certain parameters that I choose to have & that saved my time. I felt happy that what I thought to be true is what it is. Ridiculous! Now I can laugh it out, but then this was my priced possession.
A STUMBLE INSIDE ME NEEDED INVESTIGATION
Living in an illusion and believing my truth to be the only truth. This limited my understanding of self and others, of situations & things. Emotional triggers are best ways to find out what's happening in your inner world. We often draw conclusions by seeing what's happening outside but forgetting to acknowledge that it's our inner world that draws these conclusions. For many years I didn't understand this phenomenon. Even though intellectually I did, I didn't viscerally accept it. We live in a world that judges us, boxes us. Assessments are used to categories us. No offense to the great researches done in this area. Assessments are required and important but what is more important is what conclusion we draw from these assessments and who is drawing the conclusion. If our own views are limited, we will draw the conclusion accordingly even if the assessments might have a different tonality to it. Anyways, this isn't my topic of discussion for today. What I want to share is how our own truth distorts the reality, the actual reality. I too choose not to understand the truth. Uncovering the truth was a difficult one & not easy. And who would choose a difficult path over easy one?! No sensible person would! But later I realized, what looked like an easy path, was actually a path leading me to nowhere. I always found a deadlock. As if there was a roadblock every now & then. And all my energy was spent in figuring out & overcoming that. I wasn't tired but my energy depleted and that wasn't a good space to be in. If that way was easy, the sail should have been free-flowing. Something inside me struck & I decided to try out the seemingly hard path. Everyone says it's hard, but is it really hard?! Did I try it myself to conclude that to be hard?! So, I decided to walk the hard path. Not to become some sort of a spiritual teacher or guru; but to experience it myself to see what's there in it. The curious mind did play a good role here! This first decision was enough to bring about a huge shift in me. A shift that's not visible but can be felt from inside and it takes time to manifest outside. In this path, all I needed to do is to look within, check my internal map & navigate myself accordingly. Whenever I find myself not moving forward, I know I have not gone deep inside. There's a stumble inside that I needed to investigate. Once I did that & overcame the block, the path outside itself opened the doors to many beautiful destinations.
SOMEONE ELSE HAVING CONTROL OVER OUR EMOTIONAL STATE
One such block inside me was being easily affected by other's behaviours, opinions, other's idea of me, their actions. This is the zone that most of us are in. Many of my clients whom I coach find themselves in this spot. Someone else having the power on us! We feel angry, sad, happy, good about ourselves, feel bad based on what others think of us & do to us. Sometimes we also try to act smart and ignore feeling this way. We are ashamed to admit & acknowledge. But the fact is that it affected us so much that we decided to ignore it, numb it to negate the pain. So, see we are again walking the easy path of being affected by others or altogether brushing off our emotions & acting as if nothing can affect me. In reality, this rejection is a clear sign of being affected. Consciously we have numbed our emotions, but our neurons stores it. Every cell has an emotional memory which manifests in some or the other forms such as our behaviours, actions & physical manifestations in the form of ailments, illness etc. Emotions means energy in motion. And energy can't be destroyed or created but transformed & transferred. And transformation of energy is what is called building up one's emotional resilience, internal strength, the emotional muscle. Today I vulnerably write about my weaknesses & express openly. But, I wasn't like this too before. Now I understand that if I have to experience myself in totality which is the beautiful thing to do, I have to acknowledge every side of me and so do I have to allow others to see my dark sides too. No one should love me only for my strengths but also should know that I too have my imperfections & I am working on it. If that acceptance is there, people will experience me more profoundly, without my mask & armour. This will also enable others to drop their masks & armour hopefully. My journey then will be fruitful!
When you choose to see the truth, you investigate. Whenever I get hurt, angry or sad or even too excited; I ask myself this question: What is causing this emotional state: my truth or the actual truth? If there is a gap, I know the emotional state is futile. Not real but temporary. When my truth doesn't match the reality, I get angry, sad & withdraw. Then I know that I have taken the shortcut and not the so-perceived hard path. When my truth exceeds the reality, I get excited & overly happy. Then also I know that deep down I need to do deep work to investigate if that's my low self-esteem finding solace in external validation or me lowering my benchmark to not to lean on to my fears & insecurities. I am working on myself, I stumble many many times; but I get up because now I am conscious of my inner world and that this is the only thing that bridges the gap between my truth & the actual truth. I have the power to control my emotional state & no one else has.
TRUTH IS JOY, PEACE & GENTLE
Many a times we lower our truth to be happy. Other times we exceed it to at least land up at something positive. But any which ways we are deviating from the reality. To uncover the truth, the reality as it is; we must peep inside, accept & start seeing as it is without prejudice, judgements, opinions. Is this easy? Not at all. But it leads to joy, inner peace & increased vibration. Because the truth is joy, peace & gentle. That's a state of neutrality. Everything is in sync. So, does your truth match the truth of the source? If not, it's time to walk the inward journey.
Love, light & gratitude,
"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."
Uncovering a truth requires courage and the willingness to go deep into areas within us that we haven't traversed or have restricted ourselves from doing so. When you open the doors to that which you resist, you'll find that you have unlocked the first door to the barrier itself. There's this abundance barrier that is holding me back from experiencing myself in a profound way & not letting others experience me in my unique ways. As I block this, I too block myself from creating what I am meant to create.
WE ARE MORE THAN WHAT WE HAVE EVEN EXPERIENCED OF US
This life is not just about waking up everyday and performing the tasks that we have laid down for ourselves but doing; let me scrap doing but being more of who we truly are. We are at the core beyond our possibilities, beyond our vision, beyond our thoughts, beyond our limitations. We are extraordinary, we are love, we are pure, we are abundant, we are more than what we have even experienced of us.There's so much to experience ourselves in us that this life-time will fall short. As I grew in my life, I have uncovered beautiful parts inside of me, parts unknown to me & also parts that looked seemingly not so good to me but was there to tell me that it is important to experience both sides of the coin to be able to arrive at a point of nothingness, a space of absolute infiniteness. The space between the extremes, the space between the polarities, because to experience that space, you have to be awakened to even sense its presence.
For a greater part of my life, I lived in black & white. I lived in this or that, on or off, because I wasn't even aware that something in between existed because this awareness is very unique to every individual based on his/her growth journey. I am not sure what & why I am writing all of these. But yes, I am letting myself flow, I am enabling my thoughts to flow and uncover an abundance barrier that is holding me back for long and I find many people including my clients having this barrier, unable to break-free from it. So this blog is an attempt to uncover that barrier. I have realized that when you let your thoughts flow, feel the underlying emotion in it and just sit with it with the quest to uncover the message, you get the message, the answer that you are looking for.
THE UNIVERSE IS ABUNDANT ONLY IF WE ARE WILLING TO EXPERIENCE IT
Anything that we restrict in us and don't allow to flow & obstruct the Universe's flow of energy is where we get stuck. Abundance is the natural flow. The Universe is abundant only if we are willing to experience it. We choose to be in the scarcity space because that's what we have experienced, that's what most of us have been conditioned to accept, that's what takes us to the victim mode paving the way for sympathy & excuses which we like & dislike too. A thought is coming to my mind but I am feeling vulnerable to share it here. And I know that this is the right moment to share because this resistance will uncover something that will serve me. So, here it is: I grew up in a middle class family and my parents gave us the best that they could. Today I am all because of the foundation that was laid then. So, I sit in this deep gratitude of that experience. Yet, there are parts in me that is looking for answers, unresolved issues around abundance that needs resolution. And here I am to unlock my abundance barrier. Two questions that I asked myself since the abundance barrier is not serving me anymore are:
1. What is the abundance barrier trying to teach me that I haven't learnt over these years?
2. What message is it giving that I have been ignoring for years?
What came up for me are these revelations! Deep down I believe all of these: I don't deserve abundance. I am not important enough to experience abundance. In the experience of scarcity my deeper needs of being accepted, loved, valued unconditionally are met. And because of which I had restricted myself from experiencing abundance. I never allowed myself to embrace it, but kept on deflecting it whenever it wanted to embrace me. As a result of which, I couldn't experience the joy of being in the nothingness of this experience. I just tasted one side of the coin and never allowed myself to taste the other side thinking that this is what it is. I kept imagining what the other side would look like & kept judging, conceptualizing, restricting myself from experiencing that out of sheer fear to plunge to the other side. This awareness is enough for me to create a new awareness in me to enable me to experience the other side, allowing the energy to flow & enabling the abundance barrier to break. I already feel from the inside that the barrier is breaking now.
We think that abundance means having lots of money, huge bank balance, surplus income etc. But in reality abundance is beyond all of these. Abundance is the feeling of fullness, feeling of having everything, feeling of bliss, joy, feeling of resourcefulness, feeling of the power within us to create & manifest. When we get access to that power within, we automatically elevate ourselves from a space of lack, emptiness, scarcity to a space of resourcefulness. Abundance can be felt when we get in touch with the gold mine that is hidden inside us and now it is up to us as to how we want to use it. Getting into that space requires deep belief that we deserve to live in abundance and that abundance lies in us & not outside us. You can earn more money, yet feel lack & scarce. You can have everything yet feel empty & incomplete. Abundance comes from the acceptance of these facts: I am worthy of this feeling. I have faith in my resourcefulness. I approve of the abundance that is already there in my life. I approve of the abundance in me. I am not pulling myself down to scarcity in my thoughts, emotions & actions but elevating myself to experience abundance, a blissful state to be in. When the little voice inside us says: "Yes, I have everything, I am full, complete and powerful enough to create what is important to me", is when you truly embrace abundance. You break free from your barrier and you are a step closer to your experience of life. Why did I even mention that I belonged to a middle-class family?! Because generally we are conditioned to belief that a normal middle-class family doesn't live much of their lives in abundance state but scarcity state. That is what we have been conditioned to believe. But the actual experience would be to not accept what is generally downloaded to you but what you experience what the reality is. Being in middle-class family doesn't mean living in scarcity, it is just the conditioned mind that restricts the experience of the abundance gold mine that is there in us. Once that is broken free, abundance will flow through every person, every being. It's a matter of sheer experience unique to self!
OUR CHOICE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
An insight is a new way of looking at things. You then club it with your learning, learning from other sources and make a powerful perspective for you. That's the beginning of any journey. Once you are aware of your abundance barrier, you got to ask yourself: What do you want to do about it? You want to use it to experience yourself in a more profound way or you want to remain who you are, in a cautious space not wanting to expand & bloom? The choice is entirely yours and that choice makes all the difference. Leaving you with a thought provoking quote by J K Rowling, "It is impossible to live without failing at something...unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case you fail by default."
Love, light & gratitude,
"Your life is a story of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next."
Transition simply means a change from one state to another desired state. We all fear transition because any change is uncertain in terms of the experience & the outcome. It requires one to move out from a comfort zone and play full out to experience something that is different and uncommon. Sometimes we choose transition and sometimes life gifts us certain circumstances and experiences that require us to transition to a different level. I see this as an opportunity for us to grow to our next level. Some transitions are unexpected and uncomfortable when we are not ready to accept that sudden change. In today's VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world, change is certain and so we must be prepared for any kind of transition. The more prepared we are, the more easy the journey becomes & surety of an effective outcome. The moment we get stuck in rigidness and don't embrace flexibility, that's the moment we indirectly say NO to any change which might be really beneficial for our growth. I would like to categorize transition into two broad categories:
1. Involuntary transition
2. Voluntary transition
1. Involuntary transition: Any change in life which we voluntarily have not chosen but bestowed to us due to circumstantial changes or is situation based is involuntary transition. This is one of the most challenging transition because we have no prior acceptance to this but it's like a sudden jolt to us that is imposed and leaves us wondering what next to do and not to do. This phase has the probability of taking us to a victim mode if we aren't cautious. Many people break-down during this phase and becomes a victim. This requires one to go through a grieving process wherein you first just acknowledge what has happened, take charge of the emotions, let them out in creative ways; accept the reality and then chalk out the next moves to move forward. As an example, when an organization decides to downsize, many employees get affected during this involuntary transition. Although this has nothing to do with the employee personally, but due to the common human dynamics, one has the tendency to take this personally and hold grudges for putting one in an uncomfortable and undesirable situation. Hence, an employee goes through a turmoil and shows different reactions based on the personality type. Some withdraw, some run away from the reality and some become resentful and stuck. All these are natural reactions of the involuntary transition phase. More than the situation, the perception of the situation affects the overall morale and so the actions and the results.
2. Voluntary transition: Any change that is initiated by us and majorly taken to experience ourselves in new ways in any sphere of our lives is voluntary transition. This is something that is exciting and fearful but this comes with a lot of positive emotions because an individual chooses this unlike something that is imposed upon. This transition is more like wearing the creator's hat and the other one is like being victimized. Examples of this transition may be: starting a new role, a shift from an individual role to a leadership role; starting something which one is passionate about; starting on a new journey on self-discovery and possibilities of creating what's not there and what one never thought of and many more.
No matter what form the transition might be, it requires few common things for its success:
The potential of a person never fades, but we do loose the form based on what we have decided to perceive about what has happened. A positive frame of mind will enable positive actions and so will the results be positive. But a negative frame of mind will block us from having access to our creativity & our resourcefulness. And so the actions and results will match to the state of our mind. It is important that we keep challenging ourselves to do things that make us uncomfortable, make us realize that we have immense possibilities, and that the power lies not in the situation but in the way we take it. Any situation that breaks us is something that needs retrospection of ourselves because that's a direct message to us about our internal dialogue that we are having. More a person has self-awareness and a powerful intention, more he/she can lead oneself from a victim state to a creator state and that makes all the difference. A shift in the state of our mind is one of the most vital, critical, simple yet difficult thing to do. It's a choice, a habit, a practice and a mindset that needs nurturing, care and unfolding.
Inviting you all to a joyous journey of transition from where you are to where you truly want to be.
Love & light,
When you open up your mind, you will see the colourful hues, the tonalities and the beauty that comes with it, which otherwise looks like black & white or even grey.
We subconsciously make a choice to paint our life either with colours or just let it be black and white. Did you know that our subconscious mind stores & associates any memory basically in these three forms: colour (visual), sound (auditory) and feeling (kinesthetic)? When we close our eyes and try to recollect anything; if we closely observe, we will see that for everything, we have associated it with a colour, a sound and a feeling very personal to us. All those experiences that we have clubbed under the positive/happy category, we give it different hues of colour and all those that we perceive as not so good/negative experience, we give it a different tonality of colour depending on who we are, what we see and how we see. Today is the best day for me to write about colours as I see people around me playing with colours and enjoying. The curious mind in me wonders, are we also colouring our lives the way we are doing today, choosing every colour to play with?! Yes, it's Holi and since it's a colourful festival, my mind wanders around to see the colours inside every individual. We let in some colours, some we don't, some we dislike, some we camouflage, some we run away from and many more.
Today, while I was coaching one of my clients, I found during the session that my client was not letting herself play with all the colours of her life. She was restricting herself, blocking herself from experiencing the colourful hues of life. In fact, the colours that she was all aware of was black and white. That was the lens through which she looked at life, herself and all the people around. And without doubt, her life was not as good as she wanted it to be. She was controlling herself and not allowing herself to experience the colourful hues of life. Past painful memories, past experiences, life's challenges toughened her core and slowly from a girl who loved freedom, fulfillment, bliss; moved to becoming controlled, repressive, reserved, withdrawn. She has trust issues and so never allowed herself to experience the joy of trusting others. How it feels like to have childlike trust and faith is what she stopped experiencing! How it feels like to fly again, be the creator of one's life and not just a fighter is what she had forgotten! How to stand up against the demons residing inside us, how to stand tall and let go of the burden pulling her down was something she had long forgotten! She loved colours, she had choices, but as life unfolded and caught her in its grip, she slowly surrendered to it & numbed her choices, her voice inside. She became doubtful of her choices, her ability to decide for herself, her ability to break-free and consumed herself in the endless pursuits & overcoming of life's battles & challenges.
One question that triggered her was: Where are you holding yourself back and why? She didn't have an answer! She was quiet for a long time and became thoughtful! She didn't realize that she was at all holding herself back till this question was posed to her. This question was like a jolt to her from the futile reality that she was creating for herself unknowingly. And what did she gain from that reality that she had created?! Nothing except control and restraint.
The joy of life can never be experienced in restraint. A free & open mind will enable you to see life in totality; a restricted & controlled mind will not enable that. There will shades of grey in everything that you look and witness from that lens. You will not be able to paint your life with colours that you truly love. Freedom of mind from all the pains, baggage, burdens will enable you to bloom into the person that you truly are.
Let the colours of life flow through you. Let yourself experience all the hues, because the joy lies not in restraint but allowing yourself to open up to this process called life that is beautiful, colourful, magnificent only if you choose to experience it with an open mind. So, today on the occasion of Holi, I invite you to allow yourself to paint your life with all the colours that you truly love and let your mind open up to new possibilities.
Love & light,
Freedom is what we all overtly and secretly desire. Don't we? We give it different names such as independence, self-sufficient, liability-free, detachment, happy etc. We want to spread our wings and fly at our will devoid of any shackles pulling us down or holding us back. Freedom is one of the top most values for people like me. Not just me, deep down if you ask yourself honestly, you'll find that this is one of the values that drive all our actions. We seek freedom from mediocrity, from constant failing with no positive results, financial liberation, freedom from tedious jobs, difficult relationships, meaningless pursuits, freedom from control, freedom from barriers inside and outside us that holds us back from being that person, from that individual who truly are. Liberating ourselves from all the chains, shackles that tie us down from blooming into our highest selves; living in our zone of genius is what we all want to master and live by to be able to truly experience life in it's truest essence. Freedom from self-denial, guilt, fear, lack of courage to be who we are is what we all want. Freedom has different colours and covers many things. But are we free? If not, why? Have we covered ourselves up in the so-called illusion of freedom that we supposedly feel is what it looks like?! Have we run away from seeking it altogether due to our perceived inability to break-free? Do we fear breaking free? Do we fear being extra-ordinary because that will mean giving up our comforting ordinary identity?
Imagine you are trapped inside a box however giant it might be, at the end it is a box that you are in and as you explore the box in and out, after some point you feel suffocated because you realize that your own pursuits have chained you, your lack of awareness of self, what it desires, what it wants from life, what you want to create, is what keeps you going back to the box. You have money but feel valueless, you have people around you but feel lonely, long for meaningful relationships, you have a career but every morning you have to drive yourself out to work, you have everything yet you feel like you have nothing. There is vacuum inside that many a times we don't even realize that it is nothing but our creation because of the unconscious choices that we made. We were conditioned in a particular way to think, look at things, we followed and picked up whatever came our way, decisions were already made for us, we were given choices and we had to pick from that not realizing that there could have been other choices too, we lost our ability to decide because we never used that muscle to make the decision for ourselves, we went with the flow and things worked out for us because we were intelligent enough to adapt to things and people around us. In this adaption, somewhere slowly and slowly our inner self got covered up without us realizing it. Our voice inside us did tell us, did tell us to listen to it and break-free but we didn't have the courage to act on it. The giver at the core of our being always gave in, yet forgetting to give ourselves the best that we deserved. The introvert in us never gathered the courage to stand against our loved ones or be vocal of what we truly needed. We suffered internally yet remained calm on the outside. We took this as a challenge of life and embraced it but for how long?! There comes a point when you can't escape from the trap that you laid for yourselves. The pains of being in that trap somewhere after a point, outweighs our gains and that's when we feel the disturbance within. That's when we feel the discontentment, the feeling of imbalance, feeling of fear, feeling of suffocation, feeling of discomfort within and we start questioning ourselves about all of these. We are too fearful to even confront ourselves and our identity that we created over time. We look into the mirror and realize that's not me who is standing there. The inner child in us gets neglected or criticized and we stand there in a fix as to embrace this new awakening or altogether defy this awareness and go back to our default way of functioning because that's what our mask is, that's what our strategic self is. You are standing at the cross-road of your life either to choose one of these: continue being in this trap or break-free to experience true liberation. If you choose to pick the later then, welcome to my world. We resonate and we together can create the path for you to break-free. From fear to freedom is what you desire and so you deserve.
From fear to freedom, from a default life to a created life, from just a career to a fulfilled career, from just a relationship to deep connections, from chasing to attracting, from giving in to influencing, from running away to embracing, from quest to quench, from finding answers to experiencing you, from scarcity to abundance, from exteriority to essence. You deserve to experience life to its fullest glory based in love and not fear.
What do you need to break-free?
The CHOICE to break-free and UNDERGO A DEEP TRANSFORMATION through a validated process along with the will to experiment, to take risk, to revamp, to try out new things, new ways, breaking old you to create a new you. Simply put, you have to take a tough decision to create an extra-ordinary life for yourself & embrace the you that already resides inside, waiting for you to give it wings to fly not without you in your imagination but with you in reality, in this real world.
Love & light,
Life & Leadership Coach