To all the empath couples

What you are most good at giving, is also the thing that you need the most for yourself!

If you are an empath, someone good at holding space for others and allowing them to empty their minds in your sacred presence, know that you possess an exceptional skill, a human skill which very often goes unrewarded, unnoticed and thankless in many ways. But thanks to covid, now this is one of the top skills as per reserach & so take a moment to pat your back for you are gifted with something that is unique & precious.

The impact of holding space for someone can only be felt post the person walking out of the door feeling rejuvenated, charged up and ready to take on life.

But how does an empath rejuvenate & recuperate? Who is there for them? In this constantly changing & evolving world where we are usually wired to think of only oneself, how I feel, what's in it for me, how will this collaboration benefit me etc., it is very important for the empath to restore the balance for himself/herself, if he/she wants to keep giving this unique, endangered gift of holding space for others, a space that evokes psychological safety as neuroscientists calls it.
Me and my partner are both empaths! We often, in our personal lives, found ourselves complaining about one thing to each other and that is: "You don't listen and undertsand me!"And we both wondered why & how is that possible from someone known for holding space for others. And after lots of conversations, observations & awareness, we realized that our expectations from each other was to be able to vent out all that we didn't with others. We didn't look at each other as humans but empaths only who would be there for each other just like the way we were for the people around us. So, our conversations were mostly around our need to be heard, seen & understood. And imagine the plight when two empaths after emptying themselves for others, come home with the same expectations of being there for each other without consciously communicating to one another! An unsaid expectation just because you are an empath & haven't set your boundaries!

There were days when I saw my partner burnt out & totally tired, not having any space to listen to my stories, pain, ranting & vice versa, but here rings the phone & someone known in his circle wants his help, listening and it's urgent! He would still be there and listen and I would feel left out, angry, unheard, unimportant and even detested the very skill that I admire in my partner, the skill of being an empath. That's when the observer in me realized that this has nothing to do with me but there's something that needs our attention as empaths. We both sat down to understand basically what is happening and here are our suggestions to all the empath couples to deepen their relationship with each other and joyfully carry forth this great human skill, holding space for another to feel safe & be vulnerable, be seen, heard & understood without spoiling your own relationship:

• Accept, understand that you both are empaths and your relationship dynamics need to be handled very differently unlike other relationships. The very gift of being an empath can be a spoiler if you both aren't aware of what an empath goes through as an individual. Acceptance helps you build right strategy.
• Be realistic about your expectation of each other. Be honest about your ask in the communication rather than assuming that just because the partner is an empath, he/she will always have the energy to be there.
• Look beyond your partner as an empath but as a normal human being having all kinds of needs, wants, emotions just like everybody else.
• Communicate about your burnout. Don't hide it. You can always let your partner know about the stress and how you are feeling.
• Ask for permission from your partner if he/she would be willing to hold the space for you or else, block mutually convenient time for the same & honour it. Never take your partner for granted but respect each other's time, space & boundary.
• Empath couples may not be equipped to solve & non-judgementally understand each other's problems at times because of the relationship dynamics. Nothing to take personally on your capabilites as an empath, but it is a reality that because of the relationship dynamics, sometimes certain things may be seen with a blurry lens. Accept it and work through it. Have your own coach, therapist, counsellor who can help you both navigate this.
• Unconditonal love & understanding can work wonders! And sometimes that could be giving space to one another & not fixing anything.
• Release your partner from the pressure of being the saviour all the time. Know that sometimes you need to be saved to. Offer that to one another when you can or else, connect to someone who can do it for you.
• A partnership with empaths is a special one! Know that as much as you both need each other, the world needs each other's gifts too. Rise above the petty needs, do the inner work & commit to being of service for something bigger than self. Your compassion, understanding & empathy for each other plays a pivotal role in how you show up in the external world. Commit to working in tandem with the creative forces of the nature.
• Last but not the least, an unconditonal loving relationship is realizing that we share the same essence & our job is to evolve for the better.

Leaving you with this deep thought by Khalil Kibran:
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Well, we are work in progress, learning and evolving, choosing consciously, failing yet rising up again. What would you like to add to the list? What are your suggestions to empath couples? Please share so that the world benefits from it.
Believing in you,
​Priyanka
#relationship #empathcouples #coaching #CoachPriyankaDutta