What you are most good at giving, is also the thing that you need the most for yourself!
If you are an empath, someone good at holding space for others and allowing them to empty their minds in your sacred presence, know that you possess an exceptional skill, a human skill which very often goes unrewarded, unnoticed and thankless in many ways. But thanks to covid, now this is one of the top skills as per reserach & so take a moment to pat your back for you are gifted with something that is unique & precious.
The impact of holding space for someone can only be felt post the person walking out of the door feeling rejuvenated, charged up and ready to take on life.
But how does an empath rejuvenate & recuperate? Who is there for them? In this constantly changing & evolving world where we are usually wired to think of only oneself, how I feel, what's in it for me, how will this collaboration benefit me etc., it is very important for the empath to restore the balance for himself/herself, if he/she wants to keep giving this unique, endangered gift of holding space for others, a space that evokes psychological safety as neuroscientists calls it.
Me and my partner are both empaths! We often, in our personal lives, found ourselves complaining about one thing to each other and that is: "You don't listen and undertsand me!"And we both wondered why & how is that possible from someone known for holding space for others. And after lots of conversations, observations & awareness, we realized that our expectations from each other was to be able to vent out all that we didn't with others. We didn't look at each other as humans but empaths only who would be there for each other just like the way we were for the people around us. So, our conversations were mostly around our need to be heard, seen & understood. And imagine the plight when two empaths after emptying themselves for others, come home with the same expectations of being there for each other without consciously communicating to one another! An unsaid expectation just because you are an empath & haven't set your boundaries!
There were days when I saw my partner burnt out & totally tired, not having any space to listen to my stories, pain, ranting & vice versa, but here rings the phone & someone known in his circle wants his help, listening and it's urgent! He would still be there and listen and I would feel left out, angry, unheard, unimportant and even detested the very skill that I admire in my partner, the skill of being an empath. That's when the observer in me realized that this has nothing to do with me but there's something that needs our attention as empaths. We both sat down to understand basically what is happening and here are our suggestions to all the empath couples to deepen their relationship with each other and joyfully carry forth this great human skill, holding space for another to feel safe & be vulnerable, be seen, heard & understood without spoiling your own relationship:
Leaving you with this deep thought by Khalil Kibran:
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Well, we are work in progress, learning and evolving, choosing consciously, failing yet rising up again. What would you like to add to the list? What are your suggestions to empath couples? Please share so that the world benefits from it.
Believing in you,
#relationship #empathcouples #coaching #CoachPriyankaDutta
Life & Organizational Development Coach