Do you deny being jealous?
"#Jealousy is a #feeling of #being angry or sad because you want to be like somebody else or because you want what somebody else has," says the dictionary. How many times have you denied this feeling and jumped on to the feeling of celebration for another's success, achievement or for who they are?! Well, if you are honest, brutally honest and aware of your own emotions, you'll realise that we all feel all the feelings and jealousy is one of them. It's absolutely a normal phenomenon to be jealous. But, do we normalise that?! No, we don't and thus we don't know how to handle it in a healthy way that can propel us forward instead of holding us back in its stuck energy.
Just take your two fingers and put it on your pulse. Can you feel the pulse? Well, if you can you are human and thus it is absolutely valid to be jealous. But the point of concern is that, we so often deny this feeling. We don't give ourselves the permission to feel it, be with it and so it manifests in unconscious ways, ways that we may be regretful of. It then takes an ugly form, develop a strong resentment towards the person rather than just realizing that it is but a natural feeling that we all feel. The key is to be present with it and aware of it.
Couple of years back, during one of the group sessions on embodying emotions where I was a participant, a co-participant when asked this question: "What are you feeling and why?" She said that she was jealous of me and who I was. I was not taken aback because I knew what jealousy felt like and that it was totally normal to feel it that way. I felt compassion for her and brought back memories of times when I felt this feeling and I was gaslighted. I was shunned and made to like other's achievement, celebrate them. That all is fine, but what about the processing of the jealous feeling? Does anyone tell us how to do it? How to undergo the completion process of any intense feeling? That's altogether a different area of work that we can learn and master. I am glad that over the years of my journey as a #coach, I have learnt to process my feelings, undergo the completion process and transcend my emotions to a more empowering one. Mind you, it is a repeat process and you have to do the work whenever you catch yourself feeling it.
Next time you are jealous of another, take a moment to be aware that you are feeling this, give yourself permission to be 100% present with it and then allow your natural state of compassion to flow in, not just for you but for the person you are jealous of too. When you are present, you enable natural allowing of surfacing of emotions. Hence, after a point it is not enough knowing the science of it, but mastering the art.
The fact that you are jealous points out to the fact that you could recognize something in that person that is reflective of your desires and who you want to be.
So, take a moment to thank the person for triggering that feeling in you and do the work on yourself.What do I mean by that? Instead of sulking over and shaming yourself for being jealous or plotting to bring the person down to feel good; once you have given permission to yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, ask yourself this question, empowering question: "What can I do today to start in the smallest possible way to be the person that I am actually jealous of which in reality is admiration in disguise or how can I embody the qualities that the person have, starting in my own little way?" And before you realize, you'll know that the feeling of resentment is gone and you are again in your centre, ready to unleash the potential within you.
The measure of true #success is never about victory or perfection, but how good are you at responding to what it is. And this applies to your feelings too.
Don't deny, learn to respond. Accept the reality of what you are feeling as it is.The moment you master the art of holding both the emotions: that which we deny and that which we are conditioned to, you will find yourself at a space that is so liberating and beyond your feelings. That's who you are. More than your emotions but emotions are a part of your existence.
This post is inspired by a conversation that I had with a #professional who had the #courage and #humilty to accept that he did play dirty games because he was #jealous of his #colleague and without even realizing it, tried to #sabotage his career. And he is regretful of his behaviour. As a coach, my job is to let the person #transcend to his true nature of #compassion and #love. For once you are aware of your coping strategies, the sleepwalking is over. When a person is transforming, we must allow it to be and not impose our idealism onto it. We all deserve a second chance.
Believing in you,
#coaching #transformation #coachpriyankadutta
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Life & Organizational Development Coach