"Your life is a story of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next."
Transition simply means a change from one state to another desired state. We all fear transition because any change is uncertain in terms of the experience & the outcome. It requires one to move out from a comfort zone and play full out to experience something that is different and uncommon. Sometimes we choose transition and sometimes life gifts us certain circumstances and experiences that require us to transition to a different level. I see this as an opportunity for us to grow to our next level. Some transitions are unexpected and uncomfortable when we are not ready to accept that sudden change. In today's VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world, change is certain and so we must be prepared for any kind of transition. The more prepared we are, the more easy the journey becomes & surety of an effective outcome. The moment we get stuck in rigidness and don't embrace flexibility, that's the moment we indirectly say NO to any change which might be really beneficial for our growth. I would like to categorize transition into two broad categories:
1. Involuntary transition
2. Voluntary transition
1. Involuntary transition: Any change in life which we voluntarily have not chosen but bestowed to us due to circumstantial changes or is situation based is involuntary transition. This is one of the most challenging transition because we have no prior acceptance to this but it's like a sudden jolt to us that is imposed and leaves us wondering what next to do and not to do. This phase has the probability of taking us to a victim mode if we aren't cautious. Many people break-down during this phase and becomes a victim. This requires one to go through a grieving process wherein you first just acknowledge what has happened, take charge of the emotions, let them out in creative ways; accept the reality and then chalk out the next moves to move forward. As an example, when an organization decides to downsize, many employees get affected during this involuntary transition. Although this has nothing to do with the employee personally, but due to the common human dynamics, one has the tendency to take this personally and hold grudges for putting one in an uncomfortable and undesirable situation. Hence, an employee goes through a turmoil and shows different reactions based on the personality type. Some withdraw, some run away from the reality and some become resentful and stuck. All these are natural reactions of the involuntary transition phase. More than the situation, the perception of the situation affects the overall morale and so the actions and the results.
2. Voluntary transition: Any change that is initiated by us and majorly taken to experience ourselves in new ways in any sphere of our lives is voluntary transition. This is something that is exciting and fearful but this comes with a lot of positive emotions because an individual chooses this unlike something that is imposed upon. This transition is more like wearing the creator's hat and the other one is like being victimized. Examples of this transition may be: starting a new role, a shift from an individual role to a leadership role; starting something which one is passionate about; starting on a new journey on self-discovery and possibilities of creating what's not there and what one never thought of and many more.
No matter what form the transition might be, it requires few common things for its success:
The potential of a person never fades, but we do loose the form based on what we have decided to perceive about what has happened. A positive frame of mind will enable positive actions and so will the results be positive. But a negative frame of mind will block us from having access to our creativity & our resourcefulness. And so the actions and results will match to the state of our mind. It is important that we keep challenging ourselves to do things that make us uncomfortable, make us realize that we have immense possibilities, and that the power lies not in the situation but in the way we take it. Any situation that breaks us is something that needs retrospection of ourselves because that's a direct message to us about our internal dialogue that we are having. More a person has self-awareness and a powerful intention, more he/she can lead oneself from a victim state to a creator state and that makes all the difference. A shift in the state of our mind is one of the most vital, critical, simple yet difficult thing to do. It's a choice, a habit, a practice and a mindset that needs nurturing, care and unfolding.
Inviting you all to a joyous journey of transition from where you are to where you truly want to be.
Love & light,
"Jobs fill your pocket, but the way you look at your job, fills your soul."
In a recent podcast, one of the HR leaders gave a beautiful acronym for the future of work: M A P (Mastery, Purpose and Autonomy). Today I will focus on PURPOSE in my blog since this is something that is very important and many professionals I meet, come up with this statement now and then: "I don't find meaning & purpose in my role!" To that I say, welcome! I was in the same space and I didn't find meaning and purpose too in my role. To me it was mechanical, routine and purposeless. Yes, because I looked at it that way. My perspective was fixed and I saw only that side of the role. In fact the reality was that some rigidness had to shift inside of me; some aspects had to be embraced; some old thoughts had to be discarded and many more. But, I am glad that I went through that transition which eventually brought me closer to my purpose and gave meaning to my work. I have realized that there is no perfect role/career. It is entirely how you see it and how well you connect with what you see. Once you are in sync with that, you have found your purpose and meaning.
Almost a year back, there was a point when I wanted to give up what I was doing because I felt I couldn't add value and didn't find meaning & purpose in my role. But today, I am doing the same work and find deep meaning & purpose in what I am doing. And with that realization, the way I serve my customer community has shifted massively. With that realization, I have grown as a professional and my capacity to give has increased manifold; I don't get drained, I become rejuvenated after every session. How is this possible when I am doing the same work; everything remains the same except for the way I relate to it and the way I look at it?! Do note that this is absolutely different from a sense of not being able to connect yourself with the role. When you can connect with the role, when you get a sense of being able to make a difference; yet when challenges come; if you get a kick inside to give up; that's the time you need to sit in that discomfort and ask: Is meaning & purpose missing in my role or I am not being able to see and figure out meaning & purpose in my role due to my inability to break free from normal ways of doing things? Am I getting bored with the role or the way I am performing the role?
YOUR MEANING & PURPOSE IS HIDDEN IN THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF IN RELATION TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING
Today, as I was coaching one of my clients and I asked this question to him: What is that one thing that you are proud of from your career? The reply impressed me and reaffirmed my believe in my client. The reply was: "I am proud of the fact that I am contributing towards maintaining the security of our nation, I am serving & protecting my nation. My purpose is to ensure that every product that I scrutinize is 100% quality proof and efficient enough to enable our soldiers to protect us from external threats and invasion." Can you guess what my client's role is? He is a embedded testing professional. This is what gets him going and gives a sense of purpose which is: service to the nation, protecting the nation. Look at the beautiful interpretation of his job! Had he considered himself just as a testing professional, his drive would have been less. He would have looked at the same scenario as something very routine and boring. But, the fact that he looks at it from an absolutely new angle and new perspective is what makes him stand apart. No wonder that he is a high performer, a great leader in his field and making a dent in the Universe. Today, I learnt a beautiful lesson from my client. He has reaffirmed my belief in the fact that it is how you look at your role and your contribution towards that role that makes all the difference.
THE ORDER IS: WHY, WHAT AND HOW
This also reminded me of John F. Kennedy’s stories. It was the story about when he visited NASA and saw a janitor mopping up the floor. Kennedy asked him what his job was at NASA and the gentleman said, “I’m helping send a man to the moon.” Look at the difference and the way one perceives the thing. This is exactly the "WHY" that Simon Sinek, the renowned motivational speaker, organizational consultant & the best selling author of the book, "Start With Why" talks about. When your WHY is so profound, your results are bound to be extra-ordinary. It's never the other way around! The order isn't this: How, What and Why; but this: Why, What and How you do it matters & makes all the difference.
FIND MEANING AND PURPOSE IN YOUR ROLE
So, let's uncover how to find meaning & purpose in your role? Well, do you still need to uncover or you have already figured out by reading the script above?! You are the best person to uncover your answers. All you need is to reflect on the following questions:
Do feel free to write to me or comment with answers that came up for you. I invite you to challenge your thinking, the way you look at things and how you conclude it.
Love & light,
When you open up your mind, you will see the colourful hues, the tonalities and the beauty that comes with it, which otherwise looks like black & white or even grey.
We subconsciously make a choice to paint our life either with colours or just let it be black and white. Did you know that our subconscious mind stores & associates any memory basically in these three forms: colour (visual), sound (auditory) and feeling (kinesthetic)? When we close our eyes and try to recollect anything; if we closely observe, we will see that for everything, we have associated it with a colour, a sound and a feeling very personal to us. All those experiences that we have clubbed under the positive/happy category, we give it different hues of colour and all those that we perceive as not so good/negative experience, we give it a different tonality of colour depending on who we are, what we see and how we see. Today is the best day for me to write about colours as I see people around me playing with colours and enjoying. The curious mind in me wonders, are we also colouring our lives the way we are doing today, choosing every colour to play with?! Yes, it's Holi and since it's a colourful festival, my mind wanders around to see the colours inside every individual. We let in some colours, some we don't, some we dislike, some we camouflage, some we run away from and many more.
Today, while I was coaching one of my clients, I found during the session that my client was not letting herself play with all the colours of her life. She was restricting herself, blocking herself from experiencing the colourful hues of life. In fact, the colours that she was all aware of was black and white. That was the lens through which she looked at life, herself and all the people around. And without doubt, her life was not as good as she wanted it to be. She was controlling herself and not allowing herself to experience the colourful hues of life. Past painful memories, past experiences, life's challenges toughened her core and slowly from a girl who loved freedom, fulfillment, bliss; moved to becoming controlled, repressive, reserved, withdrawn. She has trust issues and so never allowed herself to experience the joy of trusting others. How it feels like to have childlike trust and faith is what she stopped experiencing! How it feels like to fly again, be the creator of one's life and not just a fighter is what she had forgotten! How to stand up against the demons residing inside us, how to stand tall and let go of the burden pulling her down was something she had long forgotten! She loved colours, she had choices, but as life unfolded and caught her in its grip, she slowly surrendered to it & numbed her choices, her voice inside. She became doubtful of her choices, her ability to decide for herself, her ability to break-free and consumed herself in the endless pursuits & overcoming of life's battles & challenges.
One question that triggered her was: Where are you holding yourself back and why? She didn't have an answer! She was quiet for a long time and became thoughtful! She didn't realize that she was at all holding herself back till this question was posed to her. This question was like a jolt to her from the futile reality that she was creating for herself unknowingly. And what did she gain from that reality that she had created?! Nothing except control and restraint.
The joy of life can never be experienced in restraint. A free & open mind will enable you to see life in totality; a restricted & controlled mind will not enable that. There will shades of grey in everything that you look and witness from that lens. You will not be able to paint your life with colours that you truly love. Freedom of mind from all the pains, baggage, burdens will enable you to bloom into the person that you truly are.
Let the colours of life flow through you. Let yourself experience all the hues, because the joy lies not in restraint but allowing yourself to open up to this process called life that is beautiful, colourful, magnificent only if you choose to experience it with an open mind. So, today on the occasion of Holi, I invite you to allow yourself to paint your life with all the colours that you truly love and let your mind open up to new possibilities.
Love & light,
The joy of uncovering our blind spots is so fulfilling because it leaves you shifting your being which is the key towards massive growth & transformation within you. When your being shifts, your actions will accordingly shift and so your results. Today I uncovered yet another blind spot in me where I realized that more than living my own values, I was actually expecting others to live those values. This realization gets triggered at the most vulnerable situations, when you are in the grip of your limiting mind, when you are under stress. It is rightly said that if you have to know the true personality of a person, you have to see him/her at his/her lowest points. How one behaves during these periods will actually reflect what insecurities they have, what fears they are holding on to & what their inner world without masks & armours truly look like?! In moments of despair, we usually give in and we project our inner self. Not that our inner self is not good or so, but we then get aware of which space we are operating from: fear based or love based.
We all have values that we uphold, our actions are shaped by our values. But many a times, we don't realize that living our values is different from expecting others to live by our values. Even I didn't have that awareness until I uncovered that blind spot in me today. And I am so glad to have got in touch with that side of me. Values are what we uphold to be important to us & that which influences our behaviours and attitudes. My top values are: freedom, fulfillment, joy, authenticity, empathy & abundance. Great values to have! But, at moments when we are not at the centre of our being, at moments when we are out of balance, is the moment when we need to uphold our values most because it will serve us since it defines our identity, our actions that makes who we are. Noticeably during these moments we don't live by our values & instead expect others to live by our values. How? Let me share an instance. I arrived late for a meeting by 2 mins or so. The person with whom I had the meeting scheduled was upset and the body language reflected that. This was my perception though! Before the person said something to me, I clarified why I was late & expected the person to empathize with me. But that really didn't happen and the person started to question me & I felt judged. Here I was sitting feeling judged and not being empathized. I was completely zoned out because I had a very high benchmark for the person & that it wasn't matching up to that really irritated me. I sat in that anxiety and was flooding my mind with all sorts of judgement around the person. Later, after centering myself again, I realized that I was the one judging the person and not empathizing with. Empathy & authenticity are my values and I wasn't living those at that moment but expecting the person to empathize with me and be authentic too. Because I wasn't living my values & I was expecting the other person to live my values, I withdrew myself from being totally present in the moment, from giving my committed listening and hence my actions weren't serving me & the intent of the entire meeting got lost till I got back to my senses and reminded myself of the fact that I need to empathize and be authentic. That small shift just changed the entire dynamics of the meeting and eventually it turned out to be a fruitful one but with a massive breakthrough for me.
Many a times, in organizations also, we carve out these values yet we forget to uphold them. We expect employees to abide by them. The leaders who create these organizational values don't live by them and expect every other person to adhere to these. Leadership is beyond forcing but inspiring. And you inspire others not by saying but by being what you want them to be. Likewise, pick up any relationship in your life. May be with your spouse, child, sibling, colleagues, friends etc. Notice that many a times we don't do what we want them to do for us. If we want love, we must first give them love; if we want them to be truthful, we have to be truthful first. Do think over? What serves us powerfully: living our values or expecting others to abide by our values? Our values are unique to us. And more importantly, values have to be just lived without any inner benchmark. Benchmark will derail you. But simply living the values will empower you. Nothing external can trigger you if you live by your values in every situation and not just put the power on external locus of control like expectations from others.
Love & light,
There are times, cycles when we reach a low point in our thinking. Our mind is no longer capable of thinking positively, we are no longer able to look at the bright side of the things. This noticeably happens at moments when we are rejected, when we get NOs, when we fail, when we don't meet our expectations, when we don't meet our targets/deadlines, when we assume that we are no way closer to our intentions. That's when we question ourselves and our abilities. That's when self-doubts creep in, we become one of our greatest critics! Everything seems to be working against us. Situations, people & life in general seems not to be working in our favour. That's when we are in the grip of our limiting mind! That's the time when we look at things from a fixed view and loose the power to create. That's when we tend to give up. In fact this is the most vulnerable spot and time for giving up & forgetting our "WHY". This is the time when we loose sight of why we started of in the first place. Our mind is clouded with all the negative thoughts and we slowly move towards the victim state if we aren't mindful enough.
Today I felt I was in the grip of my limiting mind. I became fixed in my views, my mind started to pick up all the negative cues, everything not serving me & my growth. Earlier I wasn't aware of my patterns. But now I know when I am in the grip of my habitual patterns. I withdraw, I criticize myself, I doubt my capabilities, I don't take any actions but become lazy across all the four bodies: physical, emotional, intellectual & spiritual. I use distractions to keep me away from feeling any discomfort. I seek for approvals, validation and blame others for what has happened. In a way it is a complete zoned out moment for me. But, the beauty of all of this is that, now I am aware of my behaviours. I realize my patterns & so half the battle is already won. All I need to do is to gather myself up and move on with my consistent actions. But, there is a twist here. Every time anything negative happens, I get the chance of being a beginner again. The lightness of being a beginner again is more effective than carrying the burden of being just successful with no real impact. Every time things don't work out, I get an opportunity to use my creativity muscle, churn it to my benefit & come out with something really impactful & useful. This for me is growth. There is so much joy in failing! I could never say this before because I never saw it that way. Every time I am rejected, every time I am ignored, every time I bag a NO; are the times I really feel proud of myself because I know that I am progressing & not just running over at the same spot again & again with the delusion of progressing. These NOs are the foundations of my story to be told as a part of my legacy! I would be happy to gracefully bag as many as I can and I acknowledge myself for being able to say this now. This proves that my leadership depth has increased massively over time. Way to go!
My clients are a reflection of me and hence we find joy working together; being in the coaching relationship. Whenever they come up to me with a long face upon failing, upon not meeting targets; I know that breakthrough is going to happen that will change their lives drastically. They do the same things that I have mentioned above. They self-loathe, self-criticize, withdraw, blame, go to victim state. They forget to see the glory of being who they truly are in moments like this! One failure robs them of their peace of mind, their identity, their capabilities. Mind it that they are all exceptionally high performers; just that the failure has taken a toll on their being and they are unable to see more than just their failure in moments when they are in the grip of their limiting mind. Giving up & quitting mentally, mid-way, is one of their biggest blind spots that they need to work on. Simply put, they have lost the form due to limiting thoughts that they have held due to the rejection that they are experiencing now. And then I remind themselves like I did to myself to let go of these unnerving thoughts; to embrace the limiting mind because it speaks from a space of fear & give power to the limitless mind, igniting & leveraging the limiting mind. Leaning against the intrinsic fears is the key. Change is constant, likewise failing too is a part of the master's journey. For anything extra-ordinary that you want to create, you have to be extra-ordinary in your thinking, in your being and in your actions. You have to fail extra-ordinarily too. You must sail through that to be able to conquer your failures. Giving up is truly failing and not failing. Failing gives us opportunities to be better, for us to re-look at our ways, to be more creative, to defy the regular ways of doing things, breaking ourselves into pieces to actually see what parts are critical to fulfilling our bigger intentions. And my clients are extra-ordinary who plays bigger games and their purposes and causes are extra-ordinary!
Free yourself from your limiting mind to win not just the battles but the war inside of you & produce extra-ordinary results, to live your "WHY" for which you started in the first place.
Love & light,
Freedom is what we all overtly and secretly desire. Don't we? We give it different names such as independence, self-sufficient, liability-free, detachment, happy etc. We want to spread our wings and fly at our will devoid of any shackles pulling us down or holding us back. Freedom is one of the top most values for people like me. Not just me, deep down if you ask yourself honestly, you'll find that this is one of the values that drive all our actions. We seek freedom from mediocrity, from constant failing with no positive results, financial liberation, freedom from tedious jobs, difficult relationships, meaningless pursuits, freedom from control, freedom from barriers inside and outside us that holds us back from being that person, from that individual who truly are. Liberating ourselves from all the chains, shackles that tie us down from blooming into our highest selves; living in our zone of genius is what we all want to master and live by to be able to truly experience life in it's truest essence. Freedom from self-denial, guilt, fear, lack of courage to be who we are is what we all want. Freedom has different colours and covers many things. But are we free? If not, why? Have we covered ourselves up in the so-called illusion of freedom that we supposedly feel is what it looks like?! Have we run away from seeking it altogether due to our perceived inability to break-free? Do we fear breaking free? Do we fear being extra-ordinary because that will mean giving up our comforting ordinary identity?
Imagine you are trapped inside a box however giant it might be, at the end it is a box that you are in and as you explore the box in and out, after some point you feel suffocated because you realize that your own pursuits have chained you, your lack of awareness of self, what it desires, what it wants from life, what you want to create, is what keeps you going back to the box. You have money but feel valueless, you have people around you but feel lonely, long for meaningful relationships, you have a career but every morning you have to drive yourself out to work, you have everything yet you feel like you have nothing. There is vacuum inside that many a times we don't even realize that it is nothing but our creation because of the unconscious choices that we made. We were conditioned in a particular way to think, look at things, we followed and picked up whatever came our way, decisions were already made for us, we were given choices and we had to pick from that not realizing that there could have been other choices too, we lost our ability to decide because we never used that muscle to make the decision for ourselves, we went with the flow and things worked out for us because we were intelligent enough to adapt to things and people around us. In this adaption, somewhere slowly and slowly our inner self got covered up without us realizing it. Our voice inside us did tell us, did tell us to listen to it and break-free but we didn't have the courage to act on it. The giver at the core of our being always gave in, yet forgetting to give ourselves the best that we deserved. The introvert in us never gathered the courage to stand against our loved ones or be vocal of what we truly needed. We suffered internally yet remained calm on the outside. We took this as a challenge of life and embraced it but for how long?! There comes a point when you can't escape from the trap that you laid for yourselves. The pains of being in that trap somewhere after a point, outweighs our gains and that's when we feel the disturbance within. That's when we feel the discontentment, the feeling of imbalance, feeling of fear, feeling of suffocation, feeling of discomfort within and we start questioning ourselves about all of these. We are too fearful to even confront ourselves and our identity that we created over time. We look into the mirror and realize that's not me who is standing there. The inner child in us gets neglected or criticized and we stand there in a fix as to embrace this new awakening or altogether defy this awareness and go back to our default way of functioning because that's what our mask is, that's what our strategic self is. You are standing at the cross-road of your life either to choose one of these: continue being in this trap or break-free to experience true liberation. If you choose to pick the later then, welcome to my world. We resonate and we together can create the path for you to break-free. From fear to freedom is what you desire and so you deserve.
From fear to freedom, from a default life to a created life, from just a career to a fulfilled career, from just a relationship to deep connections, from chasing to attracting, from giving in to influencing, from running away to embracing, from quest to quench, from finding answers to experiencing you, from scarcity to abundance, from exteriority to essence. You deserve to experience life to its fullest glory based in love and not fear.
What do you need to break-free?
The CHOICE to break-free and UNDERGO A DEEP TRANSFORMATION through a validated process along with the will to experiment, to take risk, to revamp, to try out new things, new ways, breaking old you to create a new you. Simply put, you have to take a tough decision to create an extra-ordinary life for yourself & embrace the you that already resides inside, waiting for you to give it wings to fly not without you in your imagination but with you in reality, in this real world.
Love & light,
We always hear about this concept called inclusion. Inclusion of women in top leadership positions, board rooms and breaking the glass ceiling and the like. I was wondering, if leadership only confines to board rooms and top corporate positions. If this is the case, then why we don't find women in these positions much?! Data says that there are very few women in these positions. It's not because women are incapable or any less than their men counterparts but because women choose to have different priorities after a given point in time. This is not a generalized statement but for most of the women who take a break after escalating to a certain point in their career is not because they aren't serious about their work/career; not because they couldn't cut through the glass ceiling; not that she is less a leader to lead her way up the ladder but because she chooses to cater to a different leadership role which many still don't understand and acknowledge. That leadership is still looked down upon & taken for granted; many a times not valued at all. Perception and conditioning problem!
For many, having a great career is all that they aspire for and prioritize. But for others, they want a balanced life having it all: a fulfilling career, loving relationships, happy & responsible kid/kids; nurturing me-time and above all meaningful contribution to life. What's the joy in getting promoted to the board-room and the top leadership position when your loved ones are waiting for you to spend some time with you, when your child needs no one else but your presence to experience a joyous moment in life & many more? It is so easy to scale up the corporate ladder when you don't have to pay attention to anything else but your sole career and your role! But when you consciously give up something that you love, to cater to other things that equally demands your attention, is to me leadership. I am not here talking about sacrifice and all; but a choice to choose from many options available: be just a professional leader or be a holistic leader who manages things not only at the work front but at the home front too.
Today because this choice is so hard to make, we see so many problems at the personal front. Broken relationships, difficult to handle kids, no meaningful existence etc. The child counselors and adolescent coaches are on the rise now-a-days, relationship coaches are on the rise. We are creating and leading in the professional world but remember that it is the women leaders at the back-burner who is doing a fantastic job at the backstage because of which the leadership at the board-room and at the top positions are possible. If we really want to talk about inclusion, let's first ask the woman what she wants and what will really make her happy: a board-room inclusion or an inclusion in your mindset that only defines leadership in a particular way and discards every other? Leadership to me is going beyond self and contributing towards the betterment not only of a particular segment that you are leading but also paving the way for a matured, meaningful and joyful world.
While I was at Mumbai, I took a woman driver cab from airport to my place of stay. I got to know so many things from her during my brief stint with her. She drives to take care of her family, she has an ailing husband who lost his job and is at home for the past six months or so; a child who goes to school and an old mother-in-law. She takes care of everyone in her family and is the sole bread-earner now. To me she is a woman leader in her own great capacity. I booked her cab again while driving back to the airport somewhere at 4:30 am. She was there and I felt so safe with her. That was Mumbai which is a safe place for women. But still the big question that leaves me pondering is: Are we living in an inclusive society? Most important of all, do we have an inclusive mindset? Can we think beyond the leadership titles, board-rooms and stereotype leadership roles or can we open our minds to new possibilities? Once you choose to look at women leadership from an absolute new angle, you will find many women leaders who have been facilitating your growth, your journey and your aspirations. They are burning like the candle, consuming themselves to light up their loved one's world. Leadership is not about power but your ability to empower others. So, who is a true leader then? One who just leads or one who empowers you to be able to lead in the world? If you still can't find any, then probably you need to look deep down and ask yourself: What is the mindset that you have? What is the opinion you have about women leadership? What is the judgement that you have made about them? Only then you are deemed fit to sit and decide the future of women including their inclusion in board-rooms and top leadership position.
Let's redefine women leadership. Particularly in today's world where the entire dynamics of work and culture is changing, it is important to change our mindsets first and redefine our assumptions around women leadership. She is more than what is mostly thought about her.
P.S. I am not a feminist but I always try to portray in my writings what I see and experience generally.
Love & light,
What makes you happy? Is it the materialistic thing, is it the award, is it that dream car, is it that house, is it that person whom you hold your hands with, is it that position.....? I can go on and on. But let me spin your mind a bit and tell you that it's not the thing that brings us joy, the happiness at the grandest level but the feeling, the experience and the thought that enlivens that moment and brings us joy. Do reflect. If things would have given you joy and happiness, there wouldn't have been longing for the next one, your happiness wouldn't have subsided after your attained one. This would have satisfied you and you would have been content. But, truly the experience, the feeling you derive is what makes you happy. And most important of all the feeling of gratitude brings more joy in your life. What is gratitude? Gratitude is a deep feeling of joy that you experience when you reflect at what has happened to you, it's a believe that everything that has happened for you is what you manifested and called for consciously and unconsciously and you wanted it for your own good, to glorify yourself and experience your own greatness. Gratitude is being thankful for every bit that you have encountered, it is trust, it is acceptance, it is approval, it is a powerful thought that you feed into your mind for all that you want to create in your life and believing it to be true for you. There is no longing, no fear, no doubt, no uncertainty but action, love, trust, faith and certainty of what you want to create. The more you are grateful for what you have, you create more of that in your life because you open the doors to acceptance, you allow your being to shift. You allow yourself the involvement in the process and not just arriving at the destination which we very often do.
I was running after so many things in life. I see many people like me running after everything yet feel the vacuum, a sense of worthlessness, always needing to fill the inner devoid with one or the other thing. It's like we have lost something inside and we keep looking for it outside and keep searching and join hands with the crowd. We feel great because that's what we see majority of us doing and we get lost and forget what we were even looking for. We just run and run and find ourselves lost amidst everything that we have. We have loads of information, followers but no involvement in our own lives. We aren't there for ourselves and we expect distractions to suffice that need in us. But, the key lies within and so must the search be within and not outside. To realize who you truly are, you have to realize who you are not. So, experiences are given to you to taste that aspect for you to be very clear of who you are. We don't come here to become someone but to experience our greatness which is already there within us. We have everything in us that makes us complete. Nothing else can complete us but our own realization, our own experiences of ourselves will enable that completeness in you. In the stillness you will find who you are and not in the chaotic world outside you. And every time we call ourselves victim, we must understand that, we have created this for us. Nothing is outside our will. Whether we agree, accept this depends on our levels of self-awareness and actualization. And if you cannot accept this, allow yourself the space and time to unravel it at your own time because this is what you require at this point in time to grow to your highest self.
Once you embrace all that has happened in your life as your own creation, you can then be grateful for everything. This is a powerful space to be in, because then you regain the power to create your life as you intent it to be. Every setback, every experience, every relationship, every encounter, every low/high, every moment in your life was required for you to evolve and there is so much gratitude for all of these. Once you sit in this gratitude you defy every negative thought that comes up, every guilt, every fear, every worry, every longing and every feeling of "I am not good enough, I am not loved, I am not important" and create a space to cultivate more of what you want, what makes you happy, what makes you joyful. When you being shifts, your entire world transforms. A shift from the inside is what creates miracles and ever lasting transformation. So, the question that I leave you with is: "Can you be grateful for everything that has happened to you till now? Can you see the bigger purpose behind those moments? Can you embrace every aspect of you: good, bad, ugly, guilty, fearful, embarrassing, unacknowledged, acknowledged? Will you?" If you can't try with at least one gratitude a day to start with and experience the shift.I know it's difficult because I found it hard but as I practiced it, I became good at it and so my being shifted.
I am grateful that my life is a rising sun, my health is a blossoming flower, my relationship is a growing garden where I get space to evolve & manifest my highest potential & give the same to others with love, wealth is a consistently flowing fountain, I am my essence.
Love & light,
However hard you may try to cover up the chaotic inner world that you are in, eventually it gets manifested in one or the other form. You may be clever enough to paint it bright with an outward coat of external materialistic things, but for how long?! This will slowly & subtly get projected in the form of anxiety, stress, frustration, loneliness, anger, depression, feeling of vacuum etc. These are coined by great psychologists as unresolved issues or unfinished agendas that lie within us and bother us at an unconscious level which we aren't aware. Many a times we feel that we know what needs to be done, but we attract something unwanted; many a times we feel we know the way out, but we land up doing stuffs that are just the opposite of what we envisioned. Our state of resourcefulness determines our actions and ultimately the destiny that we will be living/creating. Hence, it is very important first to create a world within that will enable us to perform at our peak & live our highest self. A chaotic inner world is what gets created if we are not mindful of what we want, identify with, value, belief and eventually surrender to.
The truth that we believe in, is not the universal truth. Our truth is actually our version of truth which we form after doing the following three things:
The actual event may have been very different, but we perceive it in a particular way and give this our meaning which we call it perception and eventually gets converted as memory that gets stored in our neurons. They lay there subconsciously and are majorly responsible for all the actions, our behaviours, our patterns, our form, our resourcefulness state. It's a common tendency to distract ourselves from the chaos by instant gratification such as exercising, buying things to pacify ourselves, spending time with the outside world, working for late hours, avoiding conversations which triggers us, blocking ourselves from stuffs that reminds us of things we don't want to experience etc. There are so many ways we use to fool ourselves. But, when we are back to ourselves, in our own inner world, we feel the pain, the grief, the anxiety and just can't help but feel the negative emotions within us & long for escaping from all these. How long can we run away from all of these? What do you want to fill your cup with? Where are you in conflict with your inner self? A part says you want this, and a part says you don't want. You want to get out of this mess, but don't know how. There is a conflict within! An inner self that knows what needs to be done and the other self that resists the transformation because you find it hard to sit in this anxiety to find an answer. You have formed some habits that don't support you and now in a fix. But, remember that it is never too late to do anything in life. The first transformation needs to happen within. And here NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) comes into the picture. NLP uses tools and techniques to re-imprint our subconscious mind. Once we know how to make friendship with our subconscious mind, we can create miracles in every aspect of our lives: be it career, relationship, ourselves, our loved ones' lives etc. Tapping and re-imprinting the subconscious mind is the key. Superseding your conscious mind to connect with the subconscious mind will give you access to your inner power, your state of resourcefulness.
We all have potential, all the resources are available within us. Hence in coaching we say that a person is whole and complete. But, because of the deletion, distortion and generalization that we do, we sometimes loose our form, our state and loose access to our creativity & wisdom within. That's when we become unresourceful and start acting in ways that don't support us. We then start judging ourselves and others, become critical, our inner critic gets activated, we lack the drive to move forward, we loose hope, we keep repeating our mistakes etc. Hence, our endeavour should be to work on our internal map to get access to our resourceful state and have a lasting impact.
Here's challenging you to welcome positive transformation & growth in all the areas of your life, breaking through unwanted patterns and creating the desired outcomes/results that you want.
Love & light, Priyanka
Recreating oneself is a tough process but not impossible. One must be prepared to go through a process that is rigorous and at times difficult to fully trust. It’s like growing up even when you think you are grown. And to grow up to that level, you must embrace the new you. When you shed your old skin and get into something new, it feels strange and weird. The physiological changes in the body are difficult to decipher. The first change occurs inside, creating a void/a space to embrace the “all new”. There is resistance from the conscious mind because it becomes uncertain about what is happening. You lose your grip and control! It’s made to traverse through a new process & so resists the change strongly because it becomes uncomfortable with what is happening inside. It gets lost, confused and doubts the process. It feels like you are not you anymore. The way you used to be; is evolving, changing; your reactions are getting different, your responses are becoming different. There’s a tug of war happening inside between your evolving self and your old self. You know that you need to change and accept the newness, but our rational mind always pitches in to make us aware of the uncertainty and the unknown that we are jumping to. This mind is there to protect us from any pain, oblivious of the fact that the real liberation lies in growth and not in comfort zone that we very dearly hold on to.
I am going through a process where I am embracing a new me inside of me. A new person is evolving, and I can see so much resistance in me to embrace this that I have chosen to shut myself up. But, as I do this, I am very aware that my resistance is futile and temporary. It’s my old way of showing my disapproval of something that I know is good for me but don’t want to embrace because it is challenging and will take me to a different trajectory that I have no idea about. May be someday I will look back and have a good laugh at my stupidity. Every growth is beautiful and very much required. Without growth, there’s no life and with no life, it is equivalent to dying internally and just carrying a soulless body.
When you commit yourself to living in the zone of genius, you have no other option but to trust the process. And as I sat down to trust the process of evolution completely, that’s when I came across the emotions running within me. There’s anger, there’s sadness and beneath that, there is fear of losing my old self, my old identity that I had projected and wore for so long. I am sad to shed it, yet I am happy to embrace a more authentic me. There is mixed emotion.
When things become uncomfortable, that’s when we know that we are connecting to our real self, our essence and evolving as a person. There are many aspects within us which we find it hard to acknowledge and accept. Many a times we don’t even know the truth because we aren’t aware to that extent to be able to crack the puzzle of pain that lay in front of us. The easiest and comfortable way to get rid of all of this, is to run away from the pain and mask it with layers of lies, pacify it with distraction, to the point of numbing it, so that we pretend not knowing what is happening. But, to take the cut to our next level, we must bear the pain, we must force ourselves through the process; we have to take that leap and jump in the abysmal of the unknown; let ourselves be there sitting in that transformation without distracting and running away.
Many a times, we fear in life about things that may not be true. Hence, life is but a journey of not changing others, blaming situations, pointing fingers externally but discovering ourselves; the known and the unknown, the good and the ugly, the weaknesses and the strengths and many more; yet having the courage to love ourselves even after knowing the truth. Life is a beautiful journey that we must embark to find ourselves and the potential hidden in us, to leave behind a mark as powerful as our discovery. I have been resisting myself from this discovery; but I finally give in to the unknown and jump into the dark pit of the unknown because I have the trust in the Universe’s ways. After all, we are noting but a drop from the vast ocean; we are nothing but a powerful force that will anyways one day merge with the Supreme. What’s there to fear, hide and be worried about?! Everything is taken care of. The greatest demon is the demon inside us that doesn’t allow us to experience this infinity of love dwelling inside us. The day you can overcome this fear, that day you can say that you are the victorious person on earth. Shading one layer after layer requires commitment and trust. And I finally embrace shading one more layer. Thank you, life!
Love & light, Priyanka
Coach to People Leaders, Start-up Founders & Transitioning professionals