"Model the behaviour you wish more people would display. Lead first." Robin Sharma. Modelling of behaviour simply means the act of showing how to do something & guiding through the process of imitating the modeled behaviour. This modelling of behaviour is many a times done unconsciously as leaders of the organization, as role models, as influencers, as parents and even as teams. Every action a leader takes is important. People generally pick that up that is modeled & is mirrored back. So, being in responsible positions not only mean leading only to grow the business and developing craftsmanship but equally important is the leadership depth of the leader & the display of the leadership behaviour that he/she wants his/her team, community members to model. Thus, the best leaders model the behaviour they want. They simply don't instruct, order but model it for the rest to follow. Likewise, an HR leader also need to model the behaviours that are deemed fit to take the organization from good to great. In fact, HR leaders are the harbingers of the right behavior that need modelling & hence deep work on leadership depth need to be done to own this fact & lead from a space where there is no intellectual arrogance, no fear of consequences but simply love for the role, for the people that they are serving, the organization that they are making a difference to & in the larger context the society that they are living in. Some powerful questions that need to be reflected upon are: 1. What needs to shift inside of me to enable others to be who they are supposed to be? 2. Who am I being in my role if the culture of my organization is not supporting innovation, creativity, growth, integrity, agility? 3. What needs to be communicated or given to the ecosystem so that I harness support in modelling the right behavior, the right culture & truly embody the essence of my role? When you shift your thought process from a place of arrogance to receiving, when you open your minds to look for answers within, when you work towards focusing on your being rather than on the doing bit; deep transformation happens and you grow as a leader. You then model behaviours for others to follow. You then grow as a leader with greater velocity which then enables you to embrace other skills effortlessly. Leadership depth holds you not only at times when you flourish, but at times when things are challenging. Today during a session with my coach, I witnessed a beautiful modelling of behaviour by my coach. Something that was modeled by my coach is not very frequently done by leaders. There was a moment when my coach realized that she was being judgmental about a certain thing that the client was sharing, she immediately got present to her thoughts, her emotions & expressed with humility about her judgmental attitude towards what is being presented. This I call as authenticity, vulnerability in true sense. This needs courage & leadership depth to even realize the blind spot in oneself & acknowledge it & let it go. My respect for her increased manifold during that moment as I saw her modeling a behaviour that she wanted us to follow. Today with great conviction, I will model this behaviour too & gift this to my clients & the community that I am committed to serving. Yes, a leader is a coach & a parent too because a leader inspires, elicits & nurtures the person inside you. Many a times, we don't see our own blind spots. As leaders too we don't see the blind spots that hold us back from performing at 10X level. Not modelling the right behaviour is a blind spot too. So, are you modelling the right behaviour? If not, what will enable that in you? Warmth,
Priyanka
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Today, while in the coaching session with one of my clients, I learnt something deep about mental illness & how the world perceives it. Mental illness is a stigma and hence many people silently suffering from this don't share it with others nor seek any help. My client broke down with the news of suffering from Bipolar I Disorder and that the coaching engagement has to be withheld for a while till the client gets well & recovers completely. I can sense the deep pain with which my client was sharing the news to me. My client was very upset, was not able to accept this fact and was not hopeful about moving forward in life. What my client shared was the stigma attached to it and how people were reluctant in understanding the situation. Is mental illness the problem or the stigma attached to it? My client was a high performer, who excelled very well at one point in the career. But then, one fine day a realization came when my client wasn't moving forward into the direction of chosen goals, nor able to focus on one thing and suffered from mood swings & many more. We started on this coaching engagement with an intent to create something that my client really really wanted to. Strategies were in place, client started moving forward, success habits were introduced, behaviour patterns analysed, affirmations introduced, obstacles too were taken note of, but as time progressed, my client found it difficult to stick to the weekly focus goals and deviated from the plans. That's when the awareness around the behaviour came and my client consulted a Doctor to affirm my client's fear around the mental illness. Yes, my client is suffering and is in pain. What my client now needs along with medication is moral support, hope and affection from people around. When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words. As a Coach, one of our key focus is to enable & support our clients in moving forward. Coaching talks about forward movement. But today as a Coach I also learnt one thing & that is to always keep my client's best interest in mind and let him/her unfold as per his/her own frame of mind. A coach should be able to create that space for his/her client where he/she feels utterly safe, comfortable & absolutely ok to show their vulnerable side with the hope that an unbiased listening will be given without any judgement & understand the person's perspective without jumping into conclusions. I wish for my client's speedy recovery & am hopeful & confident that the dream that my client had dreamt of, shall be fulfilled after a while when my client returns back from therapy sessions. A coach not necessarily has to coach all the time, but just be with his/her client in the moments of despair. I stand by my clients now & thereafter. No matter who, what they are, I value them for the person that they are. My intent of sharing this piece with you all is to look around and see if someone else might be in the same situation as this. Your colleagues, your teenage children, your spouse, your friends, your parents, your neighbours or anyone you accidentally come across. Don't let them suffer but join hands with them to come out of this. Your responsibility is not just towards you but to all the people that you come across this lifetime. By educating ourselves about mental illness, we can open up a line of communication, break down the stigma & get help to those that are suffering in ignorance or silence. Most importantly, I urge one & all, to let these people suffering, lead a normal life not only when they are unwell but once they recover completely.
Click on the link below to read more about the warning signs of mental illness. Let's come together to fight out this stigma & help those in need. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/warning-signs-of-mental-illness Warmth, Priyanka "Sometimes a change of perspective is all it takes to see the light."- Dan Brown. In the picture above, do you see how the same animal is viewed differently by different people only because they are feeling different things owing to the position that they are at and accordingly forming their opinions based on their limited understanding of the entirety?! This is a very basic & simple example of how we see things from our perspective. Perspective is our mental view or outlook. Sometimes, we tend to forget that there can be numerous perspectives to the same situation. We view things differently, we view our life's experiences differently. If we knew other's perspectives, we would know & understand them more. But here we falter. We get fixed and rigid in our mental views & hence the conflict arises. This then leads to getting defensive, protective about what we think, see & believe & eventually restrict ourselves from both convincing others & making our views accepted. There is a very important correlation between understanding other's perspective & ability to convince others. The more you understand other's views, the more you will be able to convince them of your views. Many a times, I hear stuffs where people complain about not being able to convince their team of an idea or a boss about a campaign, a proposition etc. What could have been the underlying issues here? Why do you think successful companies take into consideration customer perspective before shelling out money in any ads, projects or investment? They consider & understand the perspective of the party that they are going to sell to and hence the convincing bit becomes easier for them. This can be applied to anywhere. Understanding your employees', team's perspective can go a long way towards increasing productivity & happiness. Understanding other's perspective is a key leadership skill. Understanding other's perspectives will enable you to hear & react to things very differently. What do I want? What am I scared of? These two questions will enable you to view your & other's perspectives. The fact that perspective is just a perspective & not the total reality is often ignored. How different our relationships, leadership acumen and understanding of people will be when we broaden our perspectives & enlarge the lens through which we view others & life?! What can you create in your professional & personal world with this insight? What actions are you willing to take from this moment?
Warmth, Priyanka "Thank you Universe for helping me see this obstacle as an opportunity. I will step back & let you lead the way." - #TheUniverseHasYourBack Sometimes all you need is just acceptance of the situation.That simple acceptance shall empower you. You don't have to struggle with anything else.When you just let it flow, then you are letting the universe fulfill its intentions. You then give yourself the power to create along with the universe. After all, universe's energy flows in disguise. Sometimes we may not have all the answers yet we can conquer by accepting. I am in love with the magic and mystery of the universe. The famous novelist Roald Dahl quotes: "Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." And what is magic? The power of creating something mysterious, something that you can't see but only believe in. Universe's intentions are also like magic to common man. You don't see them, you sometimes find it hard to believe in them but then you give in to it's power with the hope of creating something magical. When you hit the rock bottom of your life, when things don't happen the way you anticipated, when you crumble, when you struggle in life; that's the time you need to ask yourself these powerful questions: Am I opposing the flow of the universe or going with it? Am I in acceptance of the situation or in denial? Because, in denial you are pulling yourself down to something undesirable but in acceptance you are pulling yourself up to take things in stride. Yes, acceptance is a virtue. What you deny or ignore, you delay. What you accept & face, you conquer. When we deny, we distract ourselves from reality. Denial leads to a life of insecurity & emotional repression. The road of denial leads to the precipice of destruction. Acceptance of your situation leads to freedom. It leads to happiness. Acceptance leads to clarity & solutions. As we accept, we loose our fear of the unknown. We then agree to trust that is happening. We tend to believe in the universe's plans, universe's intentions. However, acceptance never means inaction. No matter what, you have to act. Warmth,
Priyanka Adam Grant in his book Give & Take, talks about three categories of people: Takers, Matchers & Givers. He clearly says that givers are the most successful and the most unsuccessful lot of people. So, the question is, what kind of giver you are? Are you a giver with an attachment or with a purpose higher than self? Because, givers with attachment loses but givers with a purpose are the happier bunch of people and are the truly successful people both in life & in business. When you keep giving, there's every possibility of getting burnt out when there is an attachment to results, a hidden agenda of taking and purposelessness in giving. The space & energy with which you are giving makes a huge difference. Many a times, when we read a book, we understand it from one perspective and from our level of maturity to grasp & draw conclusions. However, when we re-read the same book after having gained clarity of thoughts, we get different insights. This clarity also comes when sometimes we ask deeper questions to ourselves such as: - Are we giving with an intent of receiving? - Are we keeping scores like the matchers? - Are we giving because that makes us happy? - Are we giving because that's our purpose of making a difference to the community that we serve? - Are we giving because we have received so much from the Universe that now as a reaction we are giving back as gratitude? See there's difference in both the attitudes of the givers. In the first two ways of giving, the giver is coming from a space of scarcity, expectation, selfish purpose. But in the latter ways, the focus of the giver is completely different. And that is the empowering state to be in. Anything that makes you happy, fulfilled and joyous is the thing that you cherish truly. A true giver gives because in giving you get joy and thereby you elevate your energy to a high level of abundance. You get with what velocity you give. Newton's third law says that every action has equal & opposite reaction. So, true givers also receive that energy with same velocity. Giving can be anything. Giving love, good vibes, hope, strength, positivity, warmth. Someone asked me, why should I give when this world is filled with takers and matchers? I asked the person to be a taker one day, then a matcher the other day and then a complete giver the next day. I asked the person to share the experiences with me and here it goes. "As a taker I felt good but something was still missing, I lacked satisfaction. As a matcher, I felt better because I also gave but there wasn't a feeling of fulfillment. As a giver, I felt simply awesome, happy, I slept better and I was filled with gratitude which empowered me. I was at peace. This was a unique feeling." Did you see the difference?! However, if you are giving because there's a thought at the back of your mind, the same scarce energy of a taker or a matcher, then in that giving you will not find joy. That giving will burn you out. But, if you are giving from a space of love, gratitude and compassion, you are being a true giver. Knowing the difference between those who come to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit makes all the difference. The same goes with our giving gesture in personal & professional lives too. The question that we need to ask is, what kind of a giver I am being? That awareness shifts everything. There's no fear in true giving, no insecurity but true joy. To believe it you have to make a choice to be that giver. Warmth,
Priyanka "Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you."~Anonymous What you choose to ignore in life, becomes your blind spot. Blind spot is that side of yours that you are unaware of, that you can't see but others can probably see. There is no dearth of information in today's connected world. At the flick of the button, information comes handy to us. There are books, there are learning groups. Ah! How can I forget the WhatsApp! Every now and then, we get intellectual forwards from people on a daily basis. Information overload!!!! Yet, why we aren't progressing on all levels of our lives?! Why we aren't becoming better than ever before?! What has changed?! Everything has quantified yet, we remain the same. In fact, our maturity level, understanding of self, our inner world has drastically gone down. Relationship with self & others have become complicated. We have become unhappier than ever before. The World Happiness Report 2018, had some grim news for India in particular. What I am pinpointing here is, despite of all the information overload, despite of all the knowledge, where are we heading to? Simply getting access to knowledge won't help you. What is important is getting access to your blind spots. Blind spots are called blind spots because they aren't visible to you. And many a times, even if we are aware of it, we ignore them & don't try to be aware of them. We brush it off and cover it up with our ego, our small mind. Thus our battle of struggle starts from that space. We say to others things that we may not end up doing. We advise others to do things that we may not be doing it ourselves. We think our views, perspectives are excellent and that of others is not good enough. We may even not realize how our behaviour is affecting others. We may choose to remain in the state of oblivion for eternity but with that comes pain, fear, need to prove, need to feel important, need to feel loved etc. etc. And that's not a great space to be in. I have realized this very lately. I do have many blind spots that I am now aware of. If a person ignores saying that he/she does't have a blind spot, then he/she is not present & aware to his/her own shadow side of his/her self. Having blind spot is not bad. Everybody has it. Ignoring it, not doing anything about this is the pain area. Same way, having an insight is good only when action is taken to build that insight. This enables breakthrough. How do you get rid of your blind spots? You simply ask these following questions to yourself first: 1. Are you ready to face your own shadow? 2. Are you ready to love yourself for who you are and then explore your inner self without feeling bad about it? 3. Are you ready to rise above all triviality & think beyond your ego, small mind? 4. Are you ready to be the soul that you are meant to be? If you answered YES to all these, then you are now walking on the path towards your self-exploration. When you elevate yourself to that space & drop your guard, your ego, you open the doors to wisdom & maturity. By expanding your awareness you expand your vision & the way you look at things, the way you understand others, and that's when your world starts changing, that's when you have embraced your path to becoming your better version. A coach enables you to get in touch with your blind spots. My coaches helped me see the blind spots in me, thereby I gathered insights, took actions to develop myself and that led to my professional & personal growth. Today I see things from a different lens. The world, people in my life, the circumstances remain the same, but what changed is the way I embraced my shadow which then gave access to the light inside me. This is a path of commitment towards self & being the person that truly I am. My journey is on and will continue. Coaching is a beautiful process that helps you to get access to your blind spots and grow exponentially by being aware of all these & many more. I invite you all to this beautiful journey of self-discovery & growth; a space where you get access to your own light & inner glory. Warmth,
Priyanka Your zone of genius is your unique power. When you operate from your zone of genius, you are in a space from where you hold your unique power to transform to your highest potential effortlessly. Some people discover this zone at an early stage of their life & some do after experiencing certain things in life. Whatever it be, all these experiences are required because it adds up to your story, your unique story that is different, powerful & beautiful in its own way. Only when you embrace yourself, your being without worrying & comparing with what & how the rest is functioning, you are able to step into your zone of genius. You come to this world with your uniqueness and as you live, you come across many things, experiences that enable you to make certain decisions for yourself; your beliefs are formed, you set your boundaries, your rules to protect you. Nothing is wrong or right in doing so; these all have served you to elevate you to the position that you are in today. However, when you feel that holding on to these conditions aren't helping you to grow to your highest potential, then you need to reconsider these beliefs, thoughts and check if you would like to keep these, twig these or altogether do away with these. The choice is yours. Once you find your zone of genius, you need to keep exploring as to what you are really really good at within that zone. That exploration only will happen when you take actions, do and not just think. Being ready to try out, succeed, fail, get up and walk in your zone will enable you to get in touch with that treasure that resides in you. Nothing is constant, things change & so do we with time. We change, our skills get polished, we mature and hence growth lies in discovering, re-discovering, walking in that zone with an open mind of exploration & reflection. We aren't here to prove anything to anyone, but discover that gold in us. We are shrouded by our own shadows. Our job is to keep striving towards discovering the gold in us. Remember if there is shadow, there is gold too. Sadly, without proper guidance, many a times we just tend to believe & see the shadow & give up eventually when we are very near to discovering the gold in us. Gold mine I would say. Yes, each one of you have that. Only if you are willing to explore & dig hard to get access to it. I invite you to stretch your arms wide open and imagine you inside your zone of genius, your world of uniqueness and feel the goodness. Would you want to struggle for nothing or work towards your path, that zone that you got a feel of? During a mindful leadership program, I came across with this zone of genius phenomenon. I was wondering what was this all about. But, then slowly realized it's beauty. You will feel it when you are at your zone of genius. Trust me. Discovering your zone of genius is very important for your success & overall happiness. How do you find that, is a great question? Answer is : Effortlessly. Ask yourself are you really happy being who you are and do you get a sense of inner peace while you are at that space? Are you really happy or just comfortable? Did anyone tell you "wow" for what you did while you felt that you didn't put much effort in doing that? Did anything fall in place without much effort of yours? Then you should take note of that & explore further. That is a probable indication of you being in your zone of genius. Do what you are great at and soar... Warmth,
Priyanka "When people are financially invested, they want a return. When people are emotionally invested, they want to contribute." - Simon Sinek
Great leaders understand the very essence of leadership & hence they are able to do, create & make the impossible possible. They are courageous enough to walk the path that others wouldn't even dare to take a step forward. They are passionate about what they do, they are self-driven, they are open to receiving and hence their energy exude optimism even in an environment of despair. You don't need a title to be a leader. You need love at the core of your being. A space from where you enable others to see the greatness in them and create an environment where others feel secure, safe, creative & good about themselves. You will be able to elicit the greatness in others only when you have got the access to your own light or gift. And how do you get access to your own light?! Only in giving you know your real gifts. Only in serving, you get to know your purpose. Whether you start at the top or bottom of the organization chart, you are still called to serve. Of course the spectrum of service broadens as you grow & develop. Good leaders many a times have pondered upon the following questions, trying to find tailor-made answers to these; but great leaders build a culture, a space where he/she inspires, nurtures & draws out solutions & ideas from his/her team. 1. How do I keep my team motivated? 2. How do I enable them to be proactive? 3. What should I do to make them think big & beyond? 4. What should I do to make them contribute more willingly & not through coercion? 5. How do I retain my team-members? 6. How do I help them grow to their next level? 7. How do I win their trust & loyalty? 8. How do I delegate work to them when I don't trust their ability to take bigger responsibilities? Every leader has his/her uniqueness & style. However, every great leader believes in few things that define their character & separates them from the rest. The difference lies in approach and how great leaders look at their team members. Great leaders may not have answers to all the problems & ideas, but hold the capacity to build a culture that awakens creativity within his/her team. Great leaders trust his/her ability & that of his/her team not only when things are bright but also at times when things are gloomy. They know the value of their team and work towards developing that further to another level of greatness. The lubricating factor here is trust that is build with great care & empathy along with leading with character. Leaving you with this closing quote: "A strong character leads to trust and trust is the foundation of leadership." Warmth, Priyanka Our subconscious mind largely determines our success & happiness in life. "Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition & emotion will one day become a reality." - Earl Nightingale Our brain is divided into three parts as can be vividly seen in the diagram below: Our conscious mind comprises of the neocortex part of the brain whereas the limbic & reptilian brain form our subconscious mind. The conscious mind controls our brain only 5% of the day, whereas the subconscious mind has a hold of our thoughts 95% of the time. And you have 70,000 thoughts approximately per day. So, who holds the maximum power to control your thoughts?! Obviously the subconscious mind. Here's a diagram that shows the functions of both the conscious & subconscious mind: Have you wondered why whatever you fear, think of the most negatively & feel the most becomes the reality? On the other hand, if you have dreamt well, believed in your dream, embraced it to the core, visualized it & felt it with great passion & trust, effortlessly embraced it without attachment, your subconscious mind paves the way for making it a reality. Yes, your subconscious mind is your hidden friend. Tapping its power can bring about massive changes in your life. When we dream or want to achieve a goal, this positive thought/desire first encounters the conscious mind which thinks rationally and tries to gather facts, patterns, behaviors generated in the past & accordingly makes an analysis of whether it would be good to go or to give up. Many a times, our conscious mind reminds us of our past failures, limiting patterns & other limitations which leads us to a logical reasoning of not pursuing something that we aren't sure or certain of. However, if we can consciously surpass the conscious mind & get access to the subconscious mind by planting conscious positive thought to it, the subconscious mind accepts it as a reality & opens up the doors to limitless possibilities of our growth & development. Many breakthroughs were attained by using the power of the subconscious mind. How do you tap the subconscious mind? Follow the following tips: Tip #1: Create the thought that you want the subconscious mind to manifest. Tip #2: Get your thoughts over to your subconscious mind. Repetition of desires positively also known as conscious feeding of positive thoughts. This needs to be done everyday when you wake up & before you go to bed. Tip #3: Getting output or feedback from the subconscious mind. Allowing creativity to manifest, being in touch with insights from your mind & taking creative actions accordingly. This is an ongoing process. One has to have faith, trust and be willing to embrace the process & not give up for it to bear result. "Happiness, success, excellence: They are not something you get for knowing the path, they are something you experience by walking it."- Dr. Steve Maraboli. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. Befriend your subconscious mind to create magic in your life.
Warmth, Priyanka |
AuthorLife & Organizational Development Coach Archives
February 2023
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