Adam Grant in his book Give & Take, talks about three categories of people: Takers, Matchers & Givers. He clearly says that givers are the most successful and the most unsuccessful lot of people. So, the question is, what kind of giver you are? Are you a giver with an attachment or with a purpose higher than self? Because, givers with attachment loses but givers with a purpose are the happier bunch of people and are the truly successful people both in life & in business. When you keep giving, there's every possibility of getting burnt out when there is an attachment to results, a hidden agenda of taking and purposelessness in giving. The space & energy with which you are giving makes a huge difference.
Many a times, when we read a book, we understand it from one perspective and from our level of maturity to grasp & draw conclusions. However, when we re-read the same book after having gained clarity of thoughts, we get different insights. This clarity also comes when sometimes we ask deeper questions to ourselves such as:
- Are we giving with an intent of receiving?
- Are we keeping scores like the matchers?
- Are we giving because that makes us happy?
- Are we giving because that's our purpose of making a difference to the community that we
- Are we giving because we have received so much from the Universe that now as a
reaction we are giving back as gratitude?
See there's difference in both the attitudes of the givers. In the first two ways of giving, the giver is coming from a space of scarcity, expectation, selfish purpose. But in the latter ways, the focus of the giver is completely different. And that is the empowering state to be in. Anything that makes you happy, fulfilled and joyous is the thing that you cherish truly. A true giver gives because in giving you get joy and thereby you elevate your energy to a high level of abundance. You get with what velocity you give. Newton's third law says that every action has equal & opposite reaction. So, true givers also receive that energy with same velocity. Giving can be anything. Giving love, good vibes, hope, strength, positivity, warmth.
Someone asked me, why should I give when this world is filled with takers and matchers? I asked the person to be a taker one day, then a matcher the other day and then a complete giver the next day. I asked the person to share the experiences with me and here it goes. "As a taker I felt good but something was still missing, I lacked satisfaction. As a matcher, I felt better because I also gave but there wasn't a feeling of fulfillment. As a giver, I felt simply awesome, happy, I slept better and I was filled with gratitude which empowered me. I was at peace. This was a unique feeling." Did you see the difference?!
However, if you are giving because there's a thought at the back of your mind, the same scarce energy of a taker or a matcher, then in that giving you will not find joy. That giving will burn you out. But, if you are giving from a space of love, gratitude and compassion, you are being a true giver. Knowing the difference between those who come to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit makes all the difference. The same goes with our giving gesture in personal & professional lives too. The question that we need to ask is, what kind of a giver I am being? That awareness shifts everything. There's no fear in true giving, no insecurity but true joy. To believe it you have to make a choice to be that giver.
Life & Organizational Development Coach