It takes lot of courage, authenticity to take that social mask off and connect with another human being at authentic level. Only when you choose to do that, you will feel deep connection both ways. And when you connect this way, you will surpass all the barriers and see past the inhibitions holding you back from enjoying this joy of just truly connecting with another living soul.
What truly connects us is the wrinkles and not the smoothness. When you are comfortable in your skin, when you are comfortable with who you are; you transfer that energy to the other person who can feel it and of course mirror back. Whenever you feel disconnected, do ask yourself these questions: What is it that I have lost in me in gaining the smoothness around the virtual life that I feel disconnected to? What am I faking to myself that I feel this way? The disconnect is nothing but projection of your inner world of turmoil.
When we live in projection, we lose out on real connection. When our focus is on our ego, we fail to make the connection. But when we center it on truly knowing the person, get really curious about the other person, is when we can elevate ourselves to that level of understanding another human being.
Sometimes we create certain guards/walls around ourselves to protect us. This can be traced back to varied life experiences in the past that made us do what we do today. Some limiting belief picked up during childhood, some rules made by our mind to protect us. But what is important is to detach from these beliefs and ask ourselves: What am I truly gaining by holding on to this belief? Is it time that I drop this and try to see life from a different perspective with a new empowering belief?
Sobriety is the greatest gift that one can gift oneself. It enables one to really connect with another human being. It is through this light of connection that we achieve all other goals of life. Sometimes small qualities that we chose to strengthen in ourselves make a huge difference.
So, wake up every morning and ask yourself: Who do I really want to connect with today? And feel the difference in your day.
It's not just enough to have a desire, a dream or a goal. Many people don't succeed in achieving what they want simply because there is lack of self-discipline. Self-discipline is self-love. Only when you love yourself immensely, you will walk towards the compass of self-discipline. Consciously saying no to things that don't serve you, doing things that may be difficult or challenging yet choosing to do it because it is good for you is what discipline is.
There's absolute difference between a man who just desires and a man who takes consistent action. The first one spends time in regret and the later embraces the pain of discipline for the long term happiness & success.
Things would have been so easy if we would have achieved it at the flick of a magic wand. When you see the joy of winning in the eyes of the champion, don't forget to also look past the amount of efforts, discipline that goes into the making of their successful journey.
To create discipline in your life, you must first fight through your inner world of struggle. You must first win the battle in your mind and allow yourself to wake up to reality. And you will be able to do that when you love yourself beyond short-term gratification, distraction; when you have a mission, a goal, a dream inspiring & challenging you from within.
Self-discipline is not punishment but the realization that your choices defines your reality & your conviction towards yourself. When you can say to yourself this, you know you are on track: "I know you want to get attached to that habit because it gives you instant pleasure, but I love you so much that I am not letting you do that because I don't want you to experience the pain of regret later. So, better the pain of discipline. I know it will serve you in the long run."
So, what do you choose: pain of regret or pain of discipline?
We often spend more time wanting to be heard & less in listening. We want others to listen to our stories, our thoughts, our ideas. Being heard makes us feel great. It gives us a sense of being important in the eyes of the person listening to us. We feel valued and loved.
Imagine then what the impact of deep & curious listening would have on the other person. Apart from everything mentioned above, it enables the speaker to use his/her mind in a much better way because there is no distraction from the listener, it enables natural flow of thoughts which eventually leads to better understanding & processing of emotions resulting in better conversational outcomes. The power is profound and so it the opposite of not doing this.
Many relationships shatter, friendships break, loved ones get hurt because of being misunderstood which stems from not listening deeply. At this age when people have gone into a default mode of proving one's expertise, one's wisdom over others; listening has become a forgotten & a much sought after skill. Yes, it is becoming extinct.
I invite you to give your undivided, committed & deep listening to just one person everyday & reflect on how this made you feel. Most importantly, how connected you felt with that person after you gave them your committed, curious & deep listening. So, whom would you start with? Your spouse, your child, your friend, your colleague, your parent or even you? Gift them your power to exuberate in your silence.
Fear is inbuilt in us. Its a coping mechanism that we use to protect us & save us from uncertainty. But fear also stops us from going to the next level of growth & development, from embodying greater possibilities & abundance. What if you dived deep into your fears & ask yourself, "What is it that I need to do to flip this fear that is standing in my way & limiting myself from embrace faith & true liberation?" Once you find an answer, you should also be aware that to embrace this transformation, you have to move past through certain stages of self growth at your own pace. You have to travel from a state of ignorance to a state of acceptance, acknowledgement, consciousness, creation & then mastery. Didn't you get past through all your fears to get to where you are today? Or are you still at a denial mode? To step up to your next level of growth, you have to dive deep & get access to your fears, insecurities, limiting thoughts etc. & chose what you can do to leverage that energy to create growth opportunities for yourself. Only when you confront your fears, you get access to your possibilities & abundance. What possibilities would it create for you when you drop all your fears?
There's a distinction around amassing lot of followers, likes on virtual platform, posting stuffs that you may not necessarily follow/adhere to in your life and there's this intent & commitment to really making a difference.
Do ask this question to yourself, despite of all the likes, attention etc., what is missing in your life? What are you in quest for? Why the need to be liked, followed, compete, be better than others, prove that you are right etc. etc? What's game that you are playing? Once you reflect & sleep on these questions, you will get the answer. Because if you want to truly make a difference, then you may not be liked, you may be mocked, you make be ridiculed, you may be criticized, you may have to walk alone because at that time you are the only one who sees through the vision & your dream. For the people to rise up to your level of thinking, you have to show them the results that you already see. Because you are extra-ordinary & hence you see what others can't, you dream the impossible and you take actions because you and only you belief in that possibility. So, decide now whether you want to be liked or want to make a difference. It's a choice for you to make.
Dreams are scary because it's a dream and not a reality at that moment. We have no idea how to reach there. There's just a burning desire in our mind and that's all. Our rational mind even mocks at our bravery to even dream that. We think, rethink, overthink and finally the mind wins over us and we tell ourselves not to move ahead because the idea is very lofty, it's impossible and beyond reach. But, there's good news. The power of visualization is the key. The mind accepts what you feed it with. Whether it's imaginative or reality, the mind has no clue. So, when you use the visualization technique, you give your mind the access to make your dream a reality. You never know what power resides in you until you give yourself an access to it. So dream, visualize and own it at that moment & feel the change within. As you sow the seed, you will figure out the way to nurture it & realize it. Try it. Never stop dreaming, start visualizing.
Assumption curbs our curious mind & ruins our ability to look for solutions & possibilities. Assumption creates barriers.
What if assumptions are replaced by facts?! Many a times, I hear people saying,"I didn't approach this person despite of really admiring him/her because I assumed that the person might not like me or may not be approachable." Here you have a lost opportunity to connect with someone because of your own limiting thoughts. Assumption is fear in different form, holding us back. ===================================
The only way to replace assumption is to have acceptance & empathy towards the other person and the other person's world. Listen, understand, empathize and drop the assumptions. You will create amazing relationships and new possibilities never imagined before. Are you assuming that this is not possible?! Think again, go for it.
Life & Organizational Development Coach