"Self-avoidance only grants us more of the same pain."- Anonymous
Unraveling the truth behind human behaviour fascinates me. Why people behave, act and do the way they do always intrigued me. There's something that makes sense to them, something which they can see from where they are standing but we can't.There resides something in them that makes them who they are. There's an untold story in each one of us that loses it's track; it remains as an untold script that we try to lose sight of as we grow. These get hidden under the carpet and simmers till it manifests itself in different aspects of our lives. We use mask after mask to conceal our essence.There's this need for projection to protect ourselves from harm. When you try to unmask it, you get defensive about your own self. When that wall breaks, or there is a slight crack in it, you get triggered.
We often blame the outer world for what happens within us. We think that because someone did this to us, we are hurt; because someone said something to us, we are in pain. The pain is often perceived as an emotion which is triggered by something outside of us. But, the truth is, we are triggered because there's a part inside us that gets nudged; something that we dislike about our own self or something that needs to be dealt with in the first place that creates this feeling of restlessness in us. This will only make sense to you if you are open for an authentic self-inquiry. That something can be any of these: deep seeded self-esteem issues, fear of not being worthy, not being valued, shame, guilt, not being important, self-critic....The list is endless. That's the untold story inside you; a story that you have hid from yourself & the world. The truth that you find hard to accept & acknowledge. Hence, it gets manifested in the form of pain. Every time you feel it, you brush it off. You either run away from it, ignore or completely shut down. But remember, "Pain is weakness leaving your body." If we don't feel the pain, we cannot be strong. Only when we allow pain to surface, acknowledge it; we give ourselves an empowering space to fill it with strength.
The cup has to be emptied first. Without emptying, you cannot rewrite your story. Acknowledge your untold story. Set it free for you to embrace new realities; to drop the fear & accept love for yourself & everyone. There are few steps towards breaking free from your own trap. How do you feel the pain and make it powerful enough to build you?
1. Love yourself unconditionally. Acknowledge the person you are without guilt, shame or critic. Let yourself feel the pain if any and thank yourself for bearing it all the way. There is love and only love at the core. Love that core and drop all fears.
2. Be grateful for this life and the experiences. It has made you who you are.
3. Don't judge yourself or others. Be in the profound space of acceptance.
4. Journal how you feel. Feel the pain. Let it come out. Write you untold story, partner with self and tell it.
Unexpressed emotions will manifest in other forms. You may not even realize how emotions affect us and our well being. It is important to let it loose and break free from it's shackles.
"Once we get the pain's message & follow its advice, the pain goes away." I invite you to ponder upon the untold story inside you.
Coach to People Leaders, Start-up Founders & Transitioning professionals