"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."
There's no denying that we have immense power within ourselves to create a life of our choice and to be who we truly want to be. We have gifts that make us unique and enable us to grow in life. But, these same gifts, habits, patterns act as a block in our progress beyond a limit. Yes, we set limits for ourselves. We create our perfect system and we operate within that system. We become so good in doing this, that we ignore the very gifts and tend to absorb the darker side of it automatically and not by choice. Sounds crazy?! Yes, it does and it occurred to me too. Sometimes accepting harsh truths is difficult and we tend to avoid it/ ignore it. That's our blind spot, that's our area of growth. I too have set a perfect system for myself, a limit beyond which I feel I cannot grow. I keep coming back once I reach that limit to start from scratch again. My default mechanisms inside starts to play the moment I tend to cross that limit & pulls me down. This is a subconscious agreement that we make with ourselves without even us knowing it or acknowledging it. The moment when we get irritated, get anxious, get angry, get mood swings, don't feel good, feel low, feel stressed, feel negative etc. are the moments we need to take note of our behaviours. That's the time to really figure out the answers that we might be asking ourselves unconsciously. Why haven't I been able to make the next cut? What is the perfect system that I have set for myself? What limit have I set for myself?
You won't find a single person who would say that he/she doesn't want to grow in life/improve oneself. Everybody does but not everyone gets to the root of understanding what stands in the way of doing that. Honestly, nothing except oneself. You are your biggest ally and your biggest enemy! The human mind, their behaviours are so unique and exciting that if we really try to delve deep into this subject, we will realize that all that we do, act, behave, think are nothing but our beliefs, conditioning, patterns in action. Based on these conditioning, we create a perfect system in which we operate. That's our comfort zone and we like being in it because we get comfortable with the ways, the results. We get comfortable with the certainties and start to see things being in that system. If the beliefs are too deep, we become rigid in our approach too. Then our restlessness when not being in our comfort zone, increases.
Citing here a conversation that I had with one of my coaching clients as an illustration to show how the perfect system that we create stops us from taking the next big leap. To maintain confidentiality, I am twigging the context a bit.
Client: "I am stressed out and I don't know what to do."
Me: Tell me more.
Client: "I don't think I can handle this. I am not prepared. This is my dream project and I know I am going to mess up because my team members are not serious about it and I don't see them taking ownership."
Me: "Can you be more specific as to what they aren't doing that you want them to do?"
Client: "They lack in confidence, they are not showing the professionalism that is required, I have to be on my toes to get things done, I have to send them reminders for things. How can I even do this? If I lose out on this, I lose out completely."
Me: "What is it that is truly bothering you that you are taking solace in blaming your team for their inefficiency? This is the same team with which you built your credibility. What is different now?"
Client: Refusing to admit initially. "I am nervous. I think I am not equipped to deal with this huge opportunity that is there. I feel I am not good enough. There is more abundance than I can handle."
Me: "Brilliant!!! I thank you for admitting this. This is a great realization and acknowledgement!"
Client: " Um mm...It's actually not about the team. I haven't handle this before. So, I don't know what I can do and how I can lead them."
Me: "What is the limit that you have set for yourself? What is the limit beyond which you think you cannot grow?"
Client: "Ah! I think this is it! Working on this project is like going beyond my comfort zone. I am fearful of the uncertain path. I need to be in control of the things which I am not. I can't see the big picture."
Me: "Brilliant! Do you want to take a cut to your next level? Do you want to challenge your beliefs that are handicapping your growth?"
Client: "Yes, for sure!"
And the conversation goes on....Finally, the client debunked the perfect system, the limit and chose to commit to living in limitless abundance for self and the team. What seemed like an external issue was actually an internal issue that my client courageously handled and moved forward.
It is important for us to challenge ourselves, throw the light of awareness and question ourselves as to what is the default limit that we are slaving to and why?! Do you want to break-free? Do you want to understand the behaviours that are keeping you stuck? You are meant to fly, so break-free right now, right here before you regret later.
Coach to People Leaders, Start-up Founders & Transitioning professionals