There's got to be something more
In my entire career and life, I haven't found so much joy & fulfillment in what I do now. I was wondering what is it that I do differently now that I didn't do earlier?! There's got to be something more. What have I dropped? What have I accepted? What have I uncovered about myself? Today I choose to be vulnerable so that I inspire you to be vulnerable with yourself & others. As I looked back, I found few things that now I have embraced which earlier I didn't. I have shredded few fears that held me back from feeling joy in every work that I did and in every role that I played in life. Not that the work was not good or life was not good, but the space from which I showed up was not powerful enough to allow me to enjoy it fully and I wasn't even aware of it.
Shredding the 3 hidden fears:
1. Fear of losing out: I feared losing out in my career, in my life. Instead of enjoying what I was doing, instead of being grateful for who I was; I was more involved in securing a place for myself in my profession and in life so that I didn't lose out. When the focus is on doing not to lose out, to secure a position, what can you expect?! Of course a scarce, fearful mindset will attract more scarcity and not the abundance that we long for.I couldn't muster the courage to tell the kind truth to myself and others around me. I suffered internally and so thus my work suffered because I showed up from a place of seeking approval for my actions, pleasing others & not serving them. The dire need ingrained in me to be loved, respected and admired fogged my zeal to serve fearlessly. Fear of losing out actually paved the way for making this fear a reality. I actually lost out on many areas in my career and in life. But now, I have acknowledged this hidden fear & embraced it. I now don't fear to lose out, but I just show up to my best potential so that I can be of service at work and in all the roles that I play in my life.
2. Fear of being laughed at and be seen as an idiot: Many times I stopped myself from asking questions which apparently seemed dumb and also refrained from sharing my ideas thinking that these might seem to be stupid. I was fearful of being looked upon as someone not being smart enough or not being looked up to. This attitude let me down. I either withdrew fearing being judged, exposed to or simply showed off and lost out on the basic principle of forming deep connections. Yes, I won some battles, but I lost many too. Winning didn't fetch me joy and losing didn't teach me anything because my focus was on the destination only. But, today I am comfortable in accepting my flaws, my mistakes and best of all, take responsibility for the impact that has had on me and everyone for this attitude of mine. I feel more respected, more loved and more accepted now than ever before.
3. Fear of dropping the EGO for greater good: EGO is our self-projection, the mask, the armour that we use to hide some gap within ourselves. We know who we are. We know what our story is. We know what our truth is. Even though we may choose to ignore, we are self-aware about our own weaknesses and limitations. We inflate our EGO to hide these from others. There are so many quotes around EGO and dropping the EGO for greater good of self and others. But, do we chose WISDOM over EGO?! At least I didn't for many years. But finally I decided to come home to myself and love myself for who I am. I don't need any shield, armour to hide or project myself. This is who I am, in front of myself and you.
I dropped my guards, I have chosen to be vulnerable knowing very well that I may be judged. But the burden of masking is too high a prize to pay, it weighs me down to a considerable degree not allowing me to leverage my gifts. As I write all these today, I feel so relieved & happy. I am allowing myself to embrace vulnerability because I know it is power, it is courage that we muster over years of self-manipulation & smart concealing. More than anything, today there is confidence from within and a deep sense of fulfillment of living my purpose, my true calling. The process of self-discovery is a joyous experience. It's a journey and not a one-stop destination. As I proceed on my journey, I welcome you all to experience your journey too. Embrace the real you, embrace yourself. There's definitely something more to this...I leave it for you to uncover.
12/2/2018 04:54:27 pm
Its really great to read your close observation about fear , these fears always seems the blockage for step ahead . if you come out from your first fear ,fear of loosing out, you feel free on mind and there is no tension, and a great satisfaction from your life you get .
12/3/2018 08:57:04 am
@BHUSHAN: Thank you for your insightful observation & perspective! Appreciate it!
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Life & Organizational Development Coach