The dilemma of the introverts

"Introverts make up one-third to one-half of the population - including some of the world’s most gifted individuals."
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This dates back to my days when I was working with The Muthoot Group and handling training & development there. There was an internal development program during which the trainer had asked us to answer few questions related to our personality. I did too and when the analysis of the results came up, I was specifically told by the trainer that I am very apt in giving, taking care of others but when it comes to receiving help, seeking for help, I was very closed. Those days I didn't have any clue as to what this was all about. I was for sure confused with what he said and left it that way. Didn't ask anyone but tried to figure out myself what this could be. I am open to giving but not to receiving?! As I progressed in my career, as I matured, I analysed my style of working in the corporate. I was always there to help, solve problems, challenges, help others get their dues; but when it came to receiving with equal velocity, I didn't. In fact, I unconsciously expected others to understand me the way I understood them and provide for solutions without even asking for. What a difficult expectation to live by and seek for?! How will someone know what I needed/wanted if I don't tell them?! Others might not even think that I need help/support. I might be struggling to find a solution and might desperately need help. But, my default personality, my fear would not let me break-free. In fact, the fact that I have to ask for help, triggered in me the deep-seeded belief that I was incapable. I tried to mask this fear and tried to act like the superwoman who is self-sufficient and capable of helping oneself. All these and many more realization brought home to me my awareness around my own blind spot. That I am writing openly about this is a big sign that I have transformed and what was a shadow in me has now become my strength. The ability to solve one's challenge is great, that's the gift of a problem-solver, but this very gift can become a shadow if I become too engrossed in this passion of solving problems all by myself and not seeking help when required. Honestly, I learnt to ask for help over the period of time. And this feels so good. Asking for help in no way demeans your ability to solve your challenges.It just paves the way for various choices in solving the problem which necessarily doesn't have to be my way.

Why do you think I am writing about all these?! I come across many introverts like me who are doing good in life, but may not be doing great. I am referring to experiencing that greatness when you drop your guards and allow yourself to be human and not just the sensitive giver, performer, the problem-solver, challenger ignoring acknowledged/unacknowledged self needs. The dilemma of the introverts is their inability or difficulty in admitting & accepting that they need support/help. They find it very hard and hence may become so used to their own style and ways of working that it envelops all their goodness at times and puts them in very difficult and lonely situations. Many a times their emotions are misunderstood because they keep it to themselves and yet perform their roles. Saying No is also so difficult for them. They can say No to themselves, but not to others. You are in a meeting or large group of strangers or not your inner circle of people and you are suddenly hit with a great idea. While you are mustering the courage to voice the idea out loud, the extrovert sitting next to you blurts it out first, getting all the credit. Although they never mind giving away the spotlight, but it also doesn't mean that they dislike acknowledgement & appreciation. Well, there's a plethora of traits which as I unravel myself will put it across in the form of a blog post or insight. 

Introverts are usually closed people in the sense that they do not derive their energy from sharing their world with others but they find solace in themselves. They draw the energy from within themselves and many a times they are considered to be cold and withdrawn unless and until you speak to someone very close to them and understand their personality. No way is introversion a bad thing but like every personality has it's gift and shadow side, likewise, introverts too have this. When they are aware of their blind spots, they have the choice either to expand their horizon of either living with that pattern or widening it for their own good.  As per many research and studies, these are some of the great traits of introverts:

• Very self-aware.
• Thoughtful.
• Enjoys understanding details.
• Interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding.
• Tends to keep emotions private.
• Quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people.
• More sociable and gregarious around people they know well.
• Learns well through observation.

Another study found that introverted characteristics are prevalent in effective leaders known as “servant leaders”.

What introverts can teach you?

• The quiet power or the power of silence which enables you to understand yourself & others more.
• How to use your mind creatively?
• Ability to think outside of the box.
• Attunement to the feelings of others and attention to the inner workings of the mind which makes one highly empathic and compassionate.
• How to be comfortable in being who you are?
• How to form deep long lasting connections with people and really care for them?
• Power of observations.
• To quietly change the world.
• Overcoming challenges.

​Dark side of being an introvert:

• Emotionally withholding
• Moody
• Anxious
• Closed
• Strong perspectives
• People don't observe the way you observe them
• Overthinking & over sensitivity
• Misunderstood

One of my very first coaching client was an introvert. I attract who I am basically. And I still remember his words,"I dislike small talks, I find hard to break the ice and I find it hard to show my emotions to everyone. I am considered as a closed person which I am not because I deeply care for people and may be I feel for them more than others do. Just because I don't speak out loud and remain reserved doesn't mean that I am heartless. I am sensitive and I get hurt easily but I mask my emotions and nobody is aware about how I am feeling inside.I dislike taking help because to me that's like bothering others and asking for too much when I already know what is happening in his/her world." That's the dilemma of the introverts. I know many introverts who are considered as extroverts in the corporate world. Their role demanded them to be so and so they have a dual personality: one for the people outside and the other for themselves and for their inner circle of people. 

As an introvert myself, all I can say is that you don't have to mask anything or hide any of your personality but make this your strength. Before you pick up anything that I say, ask yourself if all that you are doing is truly serving you or can there be a different way of exploring things including one's personality? When you are aware of your behaviours, personality, what happens: you have the choice to choose that which help you and become your better version. You don't have to change your basic psyche but what if you challenge yourself to do things that you are holding yourself from doing?! As humans, we are dynamic and we evolve. I find many introverts telling me: I wish I was more open and I wish I was more accepted for who I am. Come on, people will only know us if we allow them inside our world! When you share about yourself, you might get vulnerability hangover. But, that's okay because you are challenging yourself and you grow only when there is motion. Growth doesn't happen inside your comfort zone but outside of it. 

Check this diagram below to understand more about the comfort zone and growth zone. Only when you decide to make a journey out of your comfort zone, you will experience the joy that lies being in the growth zone. Our endeavour should be to evolve into our best selves and not to loose ourselves in this journey. 

Last but not the least, here are a few great personalities who were introverts and made tremendous contributuion to mankind. This is to show you your potential and the possibilities that you can create for yourself and others:

1. Issac Newton
2. Albert Eistein
3. Mahatma Gandhi
4. Warren Buffett
5. Michael Jordan
6. J.K. Rowling
7. Steven Spielberg
8. Dr. Seuss
9. Elon Musk
10. Mark Zuckerberg
11. Barack Obama

​Love & light, Priyanka
{An introvert signing of for today :-)}
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