"If another can easily trigger you, it is because you are off balance with yourself."
We cling on to our narrow views till one day we realize that this clinging is not serving us at all. This narrow view with which we see ourselves, others and life itself is nothing but our blind spot. Our views aren't the reality. It's just a perspective and perspectives are infinite. Our narrow lens limit our growth & bars us from having a holistic understanding of life, everything in it & thus our inability to enjoy it. We assume that our identity lies in holding on to these perspectives that we had formed while growing up. There's a basement inside all of us which is a residing place for our fears, doubts, inhibitions, suspicions. These are those demons which we created based on certain life experiences, some feelings of self we assumed was right to protect us then and carried along. We made some rules, some assumptions thinking that these are the black and white norms based on which our world must operate. Otherwise, we will feel the pain, the frustration, the loss, the negative emotion that made us to create the rules in the first place. In order to regain our positive state as quickly as possible, we try to distract it with something that doesn't trigger us & make us feel safe. But the irony is, it surfaces till you confront it & sit in containment.
Anything that triggers us, irritates us or arouses deep emotions such as anger, sadness in us is nothing but a knock at the door to our basement trying to tell us that there resides some unacknowledged fears that we haven't dealt with, nor accepted and that which needs immediate attention. But, we try to project the discomfort outside us. We don't acknowledge that something needs healing in us. A deeper look into the triggers will tell you that if you look within, you will get all the answers to the challenges that you are facing in your world. We become so good at projection and focusing outward, that whenever there is trigger, we reload ourselves and project a patterned behaviour as a reaction to the trigger. Because of this reaction, we are unable to truly deal with what's actually happening with us. We take solace in associating this discomfort to something outside us i.e. someone's behaviors, someone's words, someone's actions, some instances etc. But the truth of the matter is, our triggers are our unacknowledged fears. Fears hold us back from living a peaceful, happy & joyous life having it all. Fears don't enable us to feel our emotions, to take actions & to change perspectives & recreate new beliefs that would change our life for good.
Containment is the ability to sit in the anxiety and feel the emotion, the trigger. Whenever there is a trigger, and you are tempted to defend yourself by putting across the pattered behaviour, allow yourself to just sit in the anxiety and just feel the emotion rather than trying to cover up with actions & reactions. Why is it important to do this? You will become aware of what resides inside you that you are resentful of, trying to avoid or even acknowledge. You will then be able to give this acknowledgement a name which may be an emotion, an experience or just a belief about self. The moment you understand why you behave the way you behave, half the battle is already won. The intensity of the fear will just dilute and now you would be ready to view yourself, people and life altogether from a new perspective. A perspective which is not the reality but something that will serve you. "What got you here may not get you there", as quoted by Master Coach Marshall Goldsmith. If you want to unstuck, you need to see life from a different perspective.
My personal experience says that it is good to be open to different perspectives. It feels good to know why we behave the way we do, to acknowledge our fears, to let the door to our basement open and take a wider view of it. It will liberate you and your understanding of self, others and life. This will enable you to replace your fears with love for yourself, others and life as a whole. Operating from a space of love is so profound. It energies you not to form strategies to hide your authentic self but to show your real self to yourself, others and be proud of it. You will be able to love yourself unconditionally and also create that space for others to love themselves unconditionally. And then you will surely be able to make a difference to your life & others as well.
Inviting you all to gather the courage and allow yourself to look inside; open the door to your basement. What you will find there will amaze you & shall be life changing. It's a liberating experience!
Coach to People Leaders, Start-up Founders & Transitioning professionals