How to give feedback so that it elicits committed actions & positive transformation?

Feedback, the word itself gives a beautiful understanding of the concept. Feed means to give and back means from furthest from the front. If you combine the two, it means giving from a point where you are not into it but far away to be able to see the whole picture. Feedback means to give back a critical information that would add value to the overall intent & goal achievement in a positive way. But the question is, do we really give the feedback or we impose our believes & views on to it? This reflection will make a great shift in the way the feedback is perceived, received & eventually holds the capacity to improve & excel. Sadly, we don't give feedback but we give our point of view only and want this to be accepted. Any good feedback holds the power to transform the course of actions, thereby enabling it to move towards the direction of the goal. You can pick any instance from your experience at work or generally. Whenever you feel that your feedback is not creating any ripple effect as it should, take a pause to see where you are faltering, where is the loophole, where are you missing out, what's the missing piece that will enable the feedback to be powerful enough to be accepted & taken into account. 

Here I am quoting an instance where an executive came to me & shared the inability to give critical feedback and about its futility since the receiver hasn't shown any improvement in behaviour, productivity nor any concrete positive result as expected despite of the numerous feedback that was given. And what happens in such a scenario? We get defensive and try to prove our points and in this attempt, our intent of giving the feedback gets lost altogether. Well, here goes the conversation. 

Me: Do you really want to see positive results?
Executive: Yes, of course. That's why I am bringing this up to you.

Me: Will you be willing to accept & adopt ways that may not be the usual ones but different from what you have been doing so far?
Executive: Hesitantly, "Yes, if that helps."

Food for thought: We all want to adopt short-cuts. We have no time to reflect on something that might be useful for us in the long run. We fail to see that these short-cuts are creating nothing but putting us back to our challenges again and again just taking longer time & leaving us in the illusion of creating results. Time we wake up!

Me: Great then. You have tried to do it in ways you thought was appropriate, but you didn't get the desired results. I would like you to reflect on these questions and come to me again with the answers, insights that you will have upon reflection.
Executive: Sure. But I don't want to waste time. I want this to be fast.

Me: You have already wasted much time giving numerous feedback which didn't work out. Will you take responsibility for that and the impact it had on your work & that of the team's? Can you just slow down a bit to be able to pace up soon?
Executive: Yes, I know that and understand what you are saying. Please tell me what I need to reflect upon.
This happened more in a conversational way but I am just laying out in the form of questions.So, here they are:

• What is your intent of sharing the feedback?
• What does it mean to you when your feedback is not accepted or doesn't create any outcome? How do you react & what do you do next?
• Do you accept feedback from your peers, juniors, seniors, stakeholders? How do you respond?
• What's your general way of reacting to feedback?
• Do you use feedback to remind your team member's weaknesses, strengths or their possibilities?
• Do you believe in the power of feedback? Does it facilitate transformation or a routine activity of an executive with no visible outcome? Your perception really matters here. Reflect.
• Is this a tool that you use to demean your team members' contribution & scare them off?
• Is your feedback powerful enough to elicit creativity or defensiveness in the team member?
• What is your approach? Constructive or destructive? 
• What homework & reflections do you do before you give the feedback?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being low and 10 being high; how curious you are about the team member that you are dealing with? How is your rapport with the team member? Do you know what the actual problem might be that you might be overlooking with your assumptions and judgments?
• What is the essence that you see of the team member? 
• What is it that you are not seeing/focusing on that could be crucial to your feedback giving?
• Can you think of creative ways to ensure that your feedback is rightly received?
• Are you in the playground playing or you are the coach? Because if you are in the playground, you'll think like the player and give the player's perspective but if you stand out from the playground, you can see the whole picture and can give a perspective that is not known to the players but very valuable which the players don't see it? Are you willing to step back and see from the outside?

There were lot many questions like this and finally to my pleasant surprise (which actually is not a surprise because I had faith in the Executive's potential, wisdom & ability) the executive came up with some beautiful revelations that I am going to share with you in the form of some tips that will help you to give feedback that is well received, elicit actions & brings about positive transformation.

• Slow down to give feedback. 
• Do your homework to get a sense of the overall situation. 
• Talk to the person that you want to give feedback to be able to understand what it is that he/she is struggling with. Get curious, spend time. 
• Put aside your assumptions and have an open perspective to accept things as they are.
• Ask questions not to prove your worth but interested questions that will create a rapport with the person and elicit responses that are crucial for the feedback giving process.
• Feedback shouldn't just point out the mistakes but also feedback should include acknowledgement of the person.
• Feedback is about not how good it is, but about the person you are giving feedback to. So, it's power depends on how well it is received. To receive well, you need to create a space for them to trust you with their insecurities, inhibitions. Major shifts happen here. 
• If you give it well, it will be received well.
• Don't block your feedback with what you believe is true, sometimes your ideas may not be appropriate. You may not have the answers too. Be willing to accept that & work together to find a solution that is practical and worth the time.
• Your work as an executive doesn't just end after giving feedback but your constant support is required by the team member to be able to really work on the feedback.
• Be willing to help and create an environment where people feel safe to communicate their challenges and failures at the right time so that you can guide them at the right time.
• Allow them to embrace their weaknesses and help them work on these. Give them that time.
• Be their coach, not just someone pointing the mistakes. Put yourself in their shoes.
• Be a role model by being open to feedback. Seek feedback from them and ask for ways as to how they would handle this situation if they were to lead it. 
• Give weight to the bigger intention & not to your ego of being accepted or not.
• Transform through your feedback by making them genuine, authentic and realistic.  

And as an outcome of all these, the executive could make that shift and evoke desired response from the team member that led to increased productivity & performance. 
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Next time you blame someone for not receiving your feedback, look within; reflect what you can do to change that. By doing this you regain the power to transform and not by holding another responsible for the outcome that you are unable to create. To be in this space, lot of awareness & openness is required. And great leaders cultivate that and so they hold the capacity to bring about change & live a life that looks impossible & daunting to many. 

What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make and what kind of leader you want to be. The choice is absolutely yours. Whenever you are ready & willing, I will be happy to have a conversation to support you to be that leader that you wish to be. 

Believing in you,
Priyanka