"Our shadows hold the essence of who we are. They hold our most treasured gifts. By facing these aspects of ourselves, we become free to experience our glorious totality: the good and the bad, the dark and the light." - Debbie Ford
Where is my community of people? I am looking for them knowing very well the fact that they are very much around, but they will not come forward because they are self-sufficient in their own ways. They can manage things on their own, they refrain from taking help because they are great givers, helpers themselves. They are the people having high levels of empathy, feelings for others' pain. They perform very well under stress, they are resilient, they dislike being a burden and fight their battles all by themselves. They are the fighters who chose to fight their battles in silence. They are good at masking their pain, their sorrows so that they don't come across as someone weak. They belief that a giver has to stand tall every time because that's what is expected from them. Life has conditioned them that way. And, they aren't aware of it. Have they ever asked themselves what they want? Have they chosen themselves over others? I am 100% sure, they haven't. Now that I have asked these questions, they are reflecting on it and even questioning my intentions. :-)
In this journey of giving, they forgot to give themselves that care & love that they so selflessly give to others. Yes, these beautiful people forget to take care of themselves. They have lost touch with their likes, dislikes, their secret fears, secret dreams. And alas, others assume them to be very strong and think that their world is perfect! But, they forget that they too are human and may feel pain and rejection. Because they are so absorbed in doing for others, they refrain from saying NO and also refrain from seeking help from others. They think that others will be able to figure out what they need by using their empathetic power & intuitive abilities the way they do. But, they don't realize that these are the qualities that they posses and not others. So, it is important to seek for help. Slowly, making others happy become their goal in life. They become so absorbed in doing for others that they lose sight of what they want. Sometimes, this realization doesn't come to them till the end of their life because as a giver they earn pretty much love and admiration from others. That satisfies them. They don't have time to connect to the vacuum inside them. Sometimes when that realization kicks in, they feel that they are being selfish. They are thinking about themselves. They also fear shaking the very foundation of their existence by questioning this. They are not used to defying the norms in the first place for their gains.They see this as not who they are. But, with selflessness, their is a selfish part within which screams to let them know that they too need love and care. They too need attention. That there is nothing wrong in wanting something for oneself. That by placing others ahead of them, they are not truly honouring their gifts that they have been gifted with. There is much joy in being a prosperous giver, that's a more powerful space to be in than just being a giver who is lonely from within. Just emptying the cup to fill others will dis-empower and drain you. Yes, you are finding hard to accept all of these because I found it hard too myself. I am very much like you. The only difference is, now I have become aware of this shadow side of me. And only when you acknowledge that side, you can chose to do something about them. You grow and don't stagnate. Yes, being a giver is beautiful, but there is joy in receiving too. Let it flow naturally. If we restrict the science of flow of energy, we restrict abundance coming our way. Allowing ourselves to receive is equally important for us to give back with much greater velocity.
To every gift, there is a shadow which we don't see until we chose to see. I want to connect with my community, my tribe of people; people whom I am meant to make a difference. People who are a reflection of me, my gifts & my shadows. People who would relate to my thoughts, my ideas and there would be deep connections. Only in such a powerful relationship, true transformation can happen. I am meant to be of service to a particular segment of people who are very uniquely like me. We know our strengths and our shadows too. Sometimes, we may find it hard to own some parts of us because it is hard and not easy. That which is our strength, that which we admire in others, that which we dislike in others, that which irritates us and many more, are the traits that's there in us. These are nothing but a cumulative of us. All of these are a reflection of ourselves. And because of these, we easily flourish in some careers, in some environments and fail in others. Our quest is to be in our zone of genius by making use of our gifts and owning our shadows to limit it's negative impact on our being. I know they are very much like me who find it very hard to break the ice and pick up a conversation. Yes, my community of givers, of ambiverts, of self-sufficient people, of creative & adventurous people, of high-performers, of ambitious people, people having high ideals & values, of fearless rebels, of dreamers, of deep thinkers, of highly intuitive people, of empathetic & compassionate people, who tend to look down upon themselves, who doesn't think highly of themselves, who chooses others over them and many more; I urge you to come home to yourself. Let yourself experience life fully. I chose to leave you with introspection & reflection. Few questions that I urge you to think through are:
1. For every gift that you have, what cost do you have to pay when you let that gift rule over you, when you use that gift too much?
2. What is the experience of life you are left with as a result of the above?
3. What strategies do you use to cope with the shadows, the dark side of having the experience that you have shared above?
4. What makes it impossible to achieve in your life as a result of your gift?
I would love to hear from you & connect with you.
Coach to People Leaders, Start-up Founders & Transitioning professionals