Adam Grant in his book Give & Take, talks about three categories of people: Takers, Matchers & Givers. He clearly says that givers are the most successful and the most unsuccessful lot of people. So, the question is, what kind of giver you are? Are you a giver with an attachment or with a purpose higher than self? Because, givers with attachment loses but givers with a purpose are the happier bunch of people and are the truly successful people both in life & in business. When you keep giving, there's every possibility of getting burnt out when there is an attachment to results, a hidden agenda of taking and purposelessness in giving. The space & energy with which you are giving makes a huge difference. Many a times, when we read a book, we understand it from one perspective and from our level of maturity to grasp & draw conclusions. However, when we re-read the same book after having gained clarity of thoughts, we get different insights. This clarity also comes when sometimes we ask deeper questions to ourselves such as: - Are we giving with an intent of receiving? - Are we keeping scores like the matchers? - Are we giving because that makes us happy? - Are we giving because that's our purpose of making a difference to the community that we serve? - Are we giving because we have received so much from the Universe that now as a reaction we are giving back as gratitude? See there's difference in both the attitudes of the givers. In the first two ways of giving, the giver is coming from a space of scarcity, expectation, selfish purpose. But in the latter ways, the focus of the giver is completely different. And that is the empowering state to be in. Anything that makes you happy, fulfilled and joyous is the thing that you cherish truly. A true giver gives because in giving you get joy and thereby you elevate your energy to a high level of abundance. You get with what velocity you give. Newton's third law says that every action has equal & opposite reaction. So, true givers also receive that energy with same velocity. Giving can be anything. Giving love, good vibes, hope, strength, positivity, warmth. Someone asked me, why should I give when this world is filled with takers and matchers? I asked the person to be a taker one day, then a matcher the other day and then a complete giver the next day. I asked the person to share the experiences with me and here it goes. "As a taker I felt good but something was still missing, I lacked satisfaction. As a matcher, I felt better because I also gave but there wasn't a feeling of fulfillment. As a giver, I felt simply awesome, happy, I slept better and I was filled with gratitude which empowered me. I was at peace. This was a unique feeling." Did you see the difference?! However, if you are giving because there's a thought at the back of your mind, the same scarce energy of a taker or a matcher, then in that giving you will not find joy. That giving will burn you out. But, if you are giving from a space of love, gratitude and compassion, you are being a true giver. Knowing the difference between those who come to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit makes all the difference. The same goes with our giving gesture in personal & professional lives too. The question that we need to ask is, what kind of a giver I am being? That awareness shifts everything. There's no fear in true giving, no insecurity but true joy. To believe it you have to make a choice to be that giver. Warmth,
Priyanka
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I dedicate this post to all the brave hearts who tried something differently, who ventured out on a different path, who leaned into their comfort zones and looked past the impossible; cheers to all those who failed in their efforts & attempts. Yes, failures are meant to be celebrated the way we celebrate our success. Both are results just with a slight difference: one is as expected and the other wasn't as expected. But, do failures define us. No, we are who we are despite of whether we succeed or fail. So, take the pressure off and take the failures in your stride. The amount of learning that failures can give you is beyond measure. In fact, you need to feel lucky when you fail because that means that you are now provided with an immense learning opportunity which otherwise wouldn't have been possible. Why do we fear failures? Are they that bad or did we attach our sense of worthiness, self-esteem & identity to failures/successes? One failure and we crumble. Another failure and we give up thinking that we aren't good enough. We give power to failures to define our capabilities. But, we tend to forget that it is just a result and result don't define us but our actions does. Failures mean we are taking actions & not just thinking/articulating which many of us do. Failures mean you are trying something different, something that you are not used to but yet you took the step forward. To me the word FAILURE stands for: F: Freedom to experiment with your abilities A: Actions without attachment I: Intention higher than triviality L:Love for yourself unconditionally U:Unlimited exploration of your resources R: Real guts E: Energy beyond measure So, dare to fail till you drop. Make yourself immune. Overcome the fear of failure and unleash the possibilities of creation. You'll be amazed at your abilities and laugh at yourself once you unveil the trick behind failing. The more you fail, the more closure you are to your goals. If not anything else, remember that when you are failing, you are atleast ahead of those people who haven't even dared to take any steps or actions. In perfection, you cannot find creativity; only when you fail you realise the beauty of your gifts. Make a journal of all your failures and write down what you learnt from those failures and how it changed you as a person. I want you to write the good aspects of failing and not the negative ones. And if you can't find any good in your failures, then it simple means you haven't failed gorgeously, drastically. So, step up to fail more. Let's celebrate our failures & work towards our own revelations. Warmth,
Priyanka "Oh my God! How could I share that side of me? Did I even talk about that secret? I feel so ashamed. I feel so embarrassed to have even spoken about that." Have you ever experienced feeling these thoughts? Well, you had a vulnerability hangover. Never mind, that's one of the best thing that you can let it happen for you. It isn't shameful. It isn't weakness but your courage. Now that your rational mind is playing & judging you, you are feeling embarrassed. But don't be. Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up & be seen for who you truly are. To talk about how you are feeling without hiding anything. Isn't that courageous?!
When you talk about vulnerability, you have to quote Brene Brown. She says,"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity & change." Do watch out the TED talk by her on The Power of Vulnerability for better insights. We always talk about our success stories, our achievements; but we hardly dare to talk about our fears, insecurities, our weakness because we fear losing the power, the hold, the control that we have on our emotions, on ourselves & even more the world around us. Many a times we live in regrets, in shame, fearing that if we let ourselves seen, we will be hurt. We project ourselves differently and that's when the conflict inside the mind arises. Didn't you ever feel good after talking to a friend about something that you never wanted to share with anyone? Didn't you feel light when you spoke about yourself, your emotional state and some not so good stories to someone you trusted? Then why to shy out. Be vulnerable, be seen. Courage doesn't lie in hiding, but the accurate measure lies in your capacity to be vulnerable. So next time you share something about yourself not known to anyone; give yourself a pat on the shoulder. We may say that it is good to be vulnerable around people who responds you with empathy and understanding. But again if we want them to empathize with us, we have to be first vulnerable. Vulnerability is powerful. It is contagious. Try it out to experience its magic. Only if you let yourself be seen, you can see. Create that space first for yourself. Have the empathy & understanding for yourself first and then let it out. Warmth, Priyanka Fear is inbuilt in us. Its a coping mechanism that we use to protect us & save us from uncertainty. But fear also stops us from going to the next level of growth & development, from embodying greater possibilities & abundance. What if you dived deep into your fears & ask yourself, "What is it that I need to do to flip this fear that is standing in my way & limiting myself from embrace faith & true liberation?" Once you find an answer, you should also be aware that to embrace this transformation, you have to move past through certain stages of self growth at your own pace. You have to travel from a state of ignorance to a state of acceptance, acknowledgement, consciousness, creation & then mastery. Didn't you get past through all your fears to get to where you are today? Or are you still at a denial mode? To step up to your next level of growth, you have to dive deep & get access to your fears, insecurities, limiting thoughts etc. & chose what you can do to leverage that energy to create growth opportunities for yourself. Only when you confront your fears, you get access to your possibilities & abundance. What possibilities would it create for you when you drop all your fears? Best wishes, Priyanka (Honouring the #worldpoetryday today, 21st March...) I was trying to articulate my thoughts... As I was trying to untie the creative knots, The words that juggled inside me, Simply wanted to flow out & be free... Pop, they wanted to come out! The way they are, unpolished & uncut... They didn't bother about the appropriate time, They didn't care for the rhyme. All they wanted was an outlet to ooze out, All they wanted was joy of expression & shout. They told me not to hold back, not to fear, But to go out & live my dream so dear... They told me that this life is for once, So why wait for the right time; just dance?! "Go for it", they screamed inside me. Unless you take a step, how will you be free?! Then I asked myself,"Who is holding me back?" "I don't find anyone but myself"... "Is there anything that I lack?" "Not really, I have it all".... "More than I can recall". Over time I let fears overpower me, I let inaction define me; I let a default life take me through, I forgot when I last challenged myself & outgrew... "Yes, it was me,only me!" "I screamed to myself with joy & glee." For I realized who that captive is, For I realized who is the one who can recreate the magic within. As I stood in front of the mirror, Tears of joy trickled down & I opened the locked door... A door to immense possibility, creation & growth, Yes, I was holding myself & that's the truth. But, not anymore... Finally I let it flow, I let it out pour. A life of fulfillment & fullest expression, I let myself fly & soar high, And I do it with joy & passion... Best wishes, Priyanka It is rightly quoted by Ferdinand Foch, “The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” But how do you set your soul on fire? Let’s explore. A spark has the power to transform into fire which is powerful enough to either illuminate or destroy. Never forget the essence of your spark. Let the sparks fly. Once you ignite the spark, make the most of it by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. Wind will blow to dim the spark, storm will try to weaken it, but keep fanning it till it grows to a fire that propels you to take the leap that you want to take. Pick up any achiever and you’ll see that they didn’t achieve everything at one go. When the world was sleeping, they were burning their mid-night oil; when the world was enjoying, they were working hard on their mission defying the odds, stretching themselves out of their comfort zones. For every success that they are proud of, they had forgone something. What do you want to forgo to embrace something bigger than yourself? Over the period, we tend to lose connect with the spark. Many a times, the happenings around us remind us of it’s power, but we ignore and deny. Potential within us is also a spark that is already gifted to us, something inbuilt. Every individual has some potential; but since we don’t act on it, it gets dimmer & dimmer. The crux is to take actions. Only if you take actions, you’ll see results. The results may be good or bad. It’s again how you take it. You may choose to give up when your actions fail or take that as learning and try better than earlier. Once you consciously create the mindset of progression, abundance and shift your thinking; you will encourage yourself to take actions. Correct actions will surely bear the desired results or outcomes. This in turn will reinforce your belief. Once you believe you can, you’ll want to use your potential again and again. It’s a cycle that plays a very important role in your life. Is it confusing you?! Well, then my job is done. I am here to mess with your thinking and leave you with questions that you can ponder upon. Do you believe you have at least one strength that you are proud of?! Just recollect how you discovered that you were good at that and how you reinforced it to your advantage. Wasn’t that a spark that you found inside you and started to play around it consciously/unconsciously and kept practicing it till you became very good at it, very confident and did it effortlessly?! That’s the spark that became the fire in you. Look inside, there are many more such sparks that you are oblivious of at this point. Unveil them, fan them, take actions & open the doors to possibilities. Never forget the essence of your spark. Best wishes, Priyanka As you walk down your memory lanes, Regret not the woes & the pains; Regret not the tears & the failures, 'Cause these are your foundation, your pillars. When you didn’t get what you longed for, Remember that, deeply you didn’t need it either; When life badly hits you, Remember that you are the chosen few... Not everyone can rise up again, Not everyone can dance in the rain; Regret not anything for that matter, 'Cause these are nature’s ways to make you stronger. There was a time when I regretted, When I withdrew and was shattered; But with every passing day & time, I realize the bigger plan of the divine... Regret nothing my friend, 'Cause this is the beginning, not the end; If you can swing while the storm blows, You’ll live to see how your soul blooms & grows. Regret nothing, regret not the fall, Life is beautiful! So, be grateful, Regret nothing, nothing at all... Best wishes, Priyanka Many of us have a good start in life; but the moment we fall, we make a choice that either make us or break us. Which one did you choose? It is easy to give up, stop running the game; but it requires lot of guts to gather oneself & carry on faster than before. Do you realize what not giving up can bring to us? What choosing to carry on despite of the fall and win? Many a times, we might have faced such situations that co-relate with the fall from the top. Did we choose to carry on or did we just walk away? Think about it. It will tell you why we are, where we are today. The moment you fall, discover the gear within you, which you thought never existed. The power lies within us. It just needs to be unraveled. It is easier said than done, I agree. But, doing so will only help you to be a step closer to your dream. The reason for putting across this is to help people who have lost hope and are seeking light in the dark tunnel. With many lay offs, job cuts happening, I think we should stay strong and not choose to give up on oneself no matter what. How do we do that?
Take the bigger leap. Yes, you can! Just some bit of extra force is required from your end. Best wishes, Priyanka |
AuthorLife & Organizational Development Coach Archives
February 2023
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